Jordan......19, Hell- how did that happen?

Jordan is 19, a man, all grown up and still living at home.
He had a party thrown for him at work, we went for an hour or so, I took the boys because they have a play area, H declined because the first one was going to be there. As old as my big kids are now it is still possible to creep my kids out, just sitting at a table with their dad for a couple of hours did it.

I suppose they don't remember the times we would take them out together when they were little.....it was very good to sit and chat and realise that he is just a man who has screwed up, a lot. He can't hurt me anymore, has no power over me and ...well nothing.

It was hysterical at one point, we discussed the fact that Daniel is the same age Kevin was when we met ( Dear life, why didn't our parents lock us up screaming insanity when we told them we were getting married??!?) that made us feel a bit old, when Kevin got out his mobile phone and asked me to show him how to find
" that tape recorder thing" ( voice recorder) and I said ( whilst still looking at his phone, with a squint)
" I don't know, I'm not even sure what you mean...ask one of the kids, they understand all that stuff" I froze, held onto the need to pee whilst laughing and shrieked " Oh my GOSH.....we're OLD!!!"
He is like his dad, good old Ernie, who I used to love and sort of humour because he is boring and talks about how you get to places, which road to take and what the traffic was like....I hope he thought I was like my mum.
He commented on how quiet I was...must have been a new thing for him, I told him that I am almost always quiet these days, mellow ( or numb) who knows which.
I took pictures of Jordan and Sophie with him. They look so happy to be with him, so comfortable and at ease....or not
pppppttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhh!







How marvellous that he has gained a lot of weight and lost a bit of hair.
Equally marvellous that he is ( at last) seeing that the reason his life is the way it is, is because of how HE has lived it, says he may write a book, how not to live your life. I suggested he call it " Don't listen to a word I say "

I left Jordan at 5pm, there was were many many friends there and they had all bought him drinks, shots and beers and ciders and they were lined up at the bar. I have to shut off and tell myself that at 19 I have to let him do what he is going to do, I did stand amidst the throng, coming up to a dozen burly shoulders and after shaved chests, told him to be sensible, pace himself, enjoy the whole evening. they all thought I was sweet and a mother and humoured me. they also ignore me, as teenagers do when they are nearly not teenagers and are out in the big wide world and know everything.

( update.....Jordan arrived home, not drunk ( that's good) but beaten up ( not good) the problem with being big is that you get weasles who think it will somehow prove THEY are tough by beating up a big man...3 of them, 1 Jordan, black eye, swollen and hideous looking cheekbone and welts and grazes all over his back. My stomach is in a knot, I hate this deal where they think that nightclubs are the be all and end all, please let him get bored with this life soon. A nice girlfriend who wants the movies and dinner.......ack. )

Someone bought him a huge hammock, where that will go is beyond me! there were trendy clothes and every card seemed to have condoms stuck inside. YEGADS the youth of today, I am a sweet old mother who was looking at oversized water pistols and boxer shorts to get for him. *sigh* Bless him he was suitably embarrassed that I was there to witness such shenanigins, I was suitably laid back to not be embarrassed, resigned is how I feel I think.
Mothers can never imagine the day when they look forward to their little boys leaving home, until they are huge and as nice and loveable as they may be, there definately comes a time when those loveable boys should really be living elsewhere.


I think that before he is 20, Jordan's time will be here.
Happy birthday my boy.

OH!!!! guess what, my friend Julie Bo Bulie bought me some CROCS! For my birthday, she paypal'd me the money and told me to choose some, I wanted hot pink




or bright blue but come on, what could I wear with those? so I got me some Khaki ones, they will be here SOON I am so excited THANKYOU JULIE!! It took me ages to choose because there are so many colours....pretty colours, then I saw they had flip flop types and was almost sunk..but eventually the choice was made.
I am a bit into shoes and handbags ( purses for you Americans, purses here are what you call wallets or notebooks and I love those too) I walk by the handbags and stroke those big soft leather ones. I stand and hold the purses and see which one feels like it should be mine.
I saw a big, soft RED handbag last week. Bliss. Unimagineable not so long ago, me and a red bag! I didn't buy it but I did stroke it and imagine hanging it on my shoulder and filling it with all my stuff, my hot pink phone in the pocket.


I am becoming more and more girlie, never been a girlie girl in my life but good heavens if it isn't happening at the ripe old age of 44. I love bags and shoes and flip flops and more flip flops and bright colours. I am a new me. Lawks.
I can see me being one of those delightful women who start their lives when their kids are grown, wearing purple scarves and hippy skirts, I want handmade leather flats that show I am comfortable with the things I love and care not for what others think.
I already stand unashamed with goosepimples around buskers, I shall dance when I am older, should I hear a tamborine I will clap and hum. I intend to have found my joy and be unafraid to share it. I have my goals and they are good ones.