And from my Father.....

From my dad, I inherited, curly hair, gappy teeth, a propensity to chubbiness, thriftiness and an ability ( second to none) to see humour when others might weep.
From my mother I fall heir to a creative flair, sensitivity, generosity and the most impressive gag reflex.
I was walking behind a lady and her rather glorious golden retriever when pregnant with Daniel. I was admiring how splendid this creature was when he lifted his tail and I saw just a glimpse of his anus. I tell you I gagged and heaved until I popped some blood vessels, right the way through town, long after the dog and it's owner had left my eye's view.
I kept thinking I had myself under control when I would remember having seen the dogs bum hole and off I went again, until I wept with exhaustion from heaving. I get that from my mum.
She has been known to gag at the mention of a name. When the first one left and for several years afterwards, if she would have cause to mention him she would say ( for example) " Are the children with ... hurerrrrrrrrrrp this weekend?" just couldn't say his name, the thought of him made her so sick that she would retch.

At least it takes a dogs arse to make me heave, lordie!

Anyway, this evening, after a long, hard, hot day, I drove over to the next house because yesterday, I poured 2 bottles of oven cleaner over the stove and put the trays and shelves to soak, I had to go and check that and see if it would need another application ( YES! of course.)
I got there and charged the gas card so I could have some hot water, went upstairs to check the progress of the black gunge on the shower walls ( none, it is sticking with impressive revoltingness) At least I found the switch for the shower and it now works, even if I can never imagine getting into that cubicle naked because ewwwwwww.
I looked at the toilet that yesterday I CLEANED. I did it, this lavatory had not one bit of white showing, that's all I will say, it was very, very bad and I faced my demons and cleaned that thing until it shone ( and that earned me the tightest hug and a face stroke from H because it was a major deal, MAJOR.)
As I walked around the house I was talking to myself and telling myself that I was tired and that coming over there when I was so tired was probably a bad idea and , hmmmmmm am so emotional today and why do I feel so glum?
I called mum and said that I was at the house and said that she could come and see it if she so fancied.

I was peering through the clouded ( filthy) windows at the front of the house, whilst pulling on my industrial strength gloves when she arrived.

"HELLO!!!!! You have to come round the back because I only have the back door key!!" said I. So she did.

H worked so hard yesterday in the garden and cleared a whole load of hedgerow, clipped and cleared and chopped and piled, so the back is beginning to look as though, in about 3 broken backs time, it will be lovely...good first impression.
The next 2 rooms are swept and have lovely pretend wooden floors, easy to clean and looking tidy, if not clean.
Then the kitchen, which is cleared but not clean, oh no, certainly not clean, even the spotlights on the ceiling are encrusted with grease. The stove? Yeah, you can imagine.
So.......my mum is here, hoorah!
"Oh!" she exclaimed " I love it.... HURERRRRRRRRRRRRRP! Oh Helen it is going to be the most fantastic house HURERRRRRRRRRRRP! Look at this kitchen it will be ( glanced at stove) HUREERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP! *gasp* HURERRRRRRRRRRRRP"
She wandered all through the house and she marvelled and gagged and exclaimed and all the while, every time she looked at the carpet, or the stained walls or the shower she HURERRRRRRRRRRRRRPED until her eyes watered and that, well that is when my dad came to me and it was just the very best thing that could have happened because even 3 hours later I am wiping my eyes and snorting because it was just so gloriously funny.

She so meant every "ooh and ahhhh and lovely!" but that gag just couldn't keep itself in, I knew that she was seeing just how grand this house can be when we have shovelled the shit and polished the windows, but land sakes, there is really no avoiding just how begrimed and squalid it is right now.

Thanks my dad and always thank you my mum because without you I wouldn't be me and actually, now I have realised that the glum and gloomy feeling I have is a lot to do with the new medicines, that always make you feel worse before they make you feel better, I rather like me.
I needed that laugh.