Show and tell.

So....she is bright eyed and sweet, happy and calm. Sophie...calm.
I can't quite think what to say about the day, part of me just wants to leave it at this, because I am so overwhelmed by the feelings I have I am befuddled. The other part ( that will win I suspect) wants to write every detail, from the inevitable getting lost ( and HOW well I did it today) and the emotions that invokes. I cannot find the getting lost thing funny. It is by far the most terrifying thing for me, that feeling of knowing that somehow you are close to where you need to be but having NO idea how to get there, of being so hopelessly out of depth that every nerve screams. I left Sophie at 4pm, at 5.30 I was still about a mile away from her, having driven an embarrassing amount of miles (and in my defense, this city is the devils own for getting in and out of, every bloody road is one way, add to that some horrific diversions and I was well and truly stuffed. ) I looked over at Eli, who had crashed and slept withing minutes of us leaving the car park and I lost it.
Seeing my girl look so clean and bright, hearing her tell me about her new life and new people, seeing her revoltingly perfect room , watching her unpack all her earthly goods and seeing real joy on her face, taking her shopping and for lunch and hearing her say "thankyou for this mum", having her hug me so tight and kiss me..then seeing this little boy who has absolute faith and trust in ME, well, it was all too much to take in.
I can't even get out of a city center but these people believe I know it all and trust that whatever happens I will make it all OK. I am so winging it, stumbling along and somehow getting it right sometimes.
Elijah sang, all the way there and all the way home, 243 miles of singing and at his request I sang to. "thing nat thong bout a lady eating a fly"
so I did, then " there was an old lady who swallowed a spider, who wiggling and wriggled and TICKLED inside her"
" Did she find nat thpider in a darden?"
How do these little minds work? I was singing and naturally assumed that he knows its a song and just is as it is...... yet quite obviously, to him, it is a tale.....imagine a woman eating a fly ( I don't know why! Perhaps she'll DIE!)
and then a spider, hmmm wonder if she found that in the garden?? I breathed this boy in today.
He still has his obsession for shoes and necklaces and all things girlie. Today we found, not only a necklace acceptable ( sort of) for a boy but if it wasn't a HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL ONE! 2 actually, in a set.


They so ARE boys necklaces!!

These though, are definitely NOT boys flip flops.....



and yes, he IS wearing them out in the street because his need is strong, I am trying to let him get it out of his system, a small part of me worries that I am feeding it, not that it matters because even if I were to say no more, wherever we go people are providing him with clip clop shoes and spangly necklaces, it is a hopeless cause, he is hooked. I just hope, that when he is 25 and a drag queen, he is a rich and successful one and remembers from whence he came.

I think maybe, I have managed to hit a mid way mark. Too tired to share the whole gammut of my emotions, too big a show off to just shut up .... I am relieved to have made it home. More than happy to have seen my girl child and enjoyed spending time with her.
Another day, we did it.