This and that.

I have so much to say but not a bit of energy to say it. How much energy does it take to type some words? Not much at all, which just goes to show how weary I am. Weary.
Last night, Seth came in and said that his bandage had fallen off but it was OK and he had put it back on, rather than mess with it too much, and because he was so OK and not hurting, I taped the dressing on more securely and put him in bed. First thing this morning I took him to the hospital to get it checked.
Oh dear.
It must have bed last night, and dried, and gone crusty and revolting and very very stuck, they had to soak the dressing off and bless his heart he didn't even whimper. The kid must have a pain threshold like none other. ( although he squeals like a stuck pig when I trim his nails?!!) The nurse, pulled and poked and soaked and prodded and he just sat on my lap and sometimes screwed his little face up a bit. After about 15 minutes he said " oh, mummy, my tummy actually hurts and I feel sick." And then he was, sick, he puked his little body inside out. Then he needed the toilet and we were able to come home. As soon as we got outside he said " ahhh, better now, I definitely won't puke anymore. It was hot in there"
I am astounded by this little man. His finger is a bloody pulp. I cannot imagine how long this will take to heal. It does look lovely and clean ( no, not lovely, raw and sore and bloody and truly painful, but not lovely) He has such tiny fingers, he is so petite and bird like and to see that tiny finger all chewed up like that was just horrendous, helped only by his complete calmness and fascination with it.
I have a feeling that when we have to go back to get it dressed again next week, he won't be nearly as calm. Bribery and copious stretchy lizards at 25p each seem to take the sting away a bit. Marvellous.


Dan called today, Sophie girl is happier, we had a blip on thursday when she called and without taking a single breath said
" oh I am so tired and my sink is blocked and the shower is cold and I forgot my toothbrush and I have just been using my finger and I had a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich and I am going to be in this room my whole life because I have no friends here and no-one will ever like me and I am bored and Daniel has had 2 days off and I haven't seen him and I am so lonely and I have nothing."
Wilt ( me) silent prayers ( me) phone call to Daniel.
30 minutes later she was at his flat watching DVDs on his huge TV and using his laptop.
Today he said that she is much happier , is going out with one of the girls from the hotel and he had been on duty with the police, saw her outside a pub chatting with some people. He rolled down the window and barked " WHATCHA DOIN???" The people she was with looked at asked what the problem was, Sophie said " He's my brother"
"your brother is a copper?"
"Yep"
And with that they all turned and walked away from her.
May he always be just around a corner and may news travel very fast in that town! Dan said it was all very innocent and above board but the fact that these people were put off by his being a policeman, well hooray that they walked away.
I am so tired.
Mentally and physically and emotionally. All wore out and ready to crumble.
I Am SO glad that school is out, the relief that at least we aren't tied to a schedule is enormous. To be able to wake up and paddle around in my pyjamas, that's what is keeping me this side of drooling in a faux leather chair in a day room somewhere.
Which may or may not be a good thing.
When you start to envy those people who lose it and are sitting staring at a wall with blank expressions, regular drugs and a cooked meal placed in front of them on a plastic tray, well it's probably time for a nice holiday. I will hopefully be getting a holiday in 6 months, after 2 more moves and who knows what surprises.
I say hopefully because nothing is ever certain and right now, Grandpa has his 2 other kids ( kids?? Grown offspring) living with him, and a daughter in law and a grand daughter. In a little 3 bed, 1 bath house. I am not paying close to £2.000 to sleep, all 5 of us on a blow up bed in grandpa's front room for 4 weeks. No, I'm not, no siree.
We do not have the money to stay on a hotel, so unless grandpa's house empties out some, we'll be staying right here.
When I lived there, back in the day, in that other life. I was pretty much chief cook and bottle washer, sole female and not beloved. The men in this family have not a clue about women and on top of unsatisfactory sleeping arrangement? I am so not going all that way to cook and clean for all those people. H's sister is great and I love that she will be there but the rest of them? I doubt that they would notice or care if I dropped in an exhausted heap from serving them all and cleaning up afterwards..... I NEED A HOLIDAY! I don't need this life thousands of miles away without even the promise of my own heavenly bed at the end of it all.
I keep trying to subtly explain my feelings to H, upon which he gets that puzzled look on his face as if I made it all up and who could NOT want to be just as we were?! Might be time to drop the subtlety and get the sledge hammer out.
nearly 1am. I am ready for my bed, I could stay there for 3 days straight. If only.