I wish I had some music.

I was going to go to bed early tonight....all the best laid plans, my legs are twitching, they have been great for months and tonight they are jumping all over the place, just as well I am alone up here, I get so grumpy when my legs do this, it hurts and feels so bad, I am not good company. Also the itching, the whole body, welting hot itching is out of control, also ( so many alsos) the mosquito bites, MORE ITCHING! Not funny!
I wanted to get plenty of sleep because tomorrow I am going to see my girl.
All the way to Bath to visit her and see how she is, see if her eyes are shining again and take her boxes and bags of stuff, girlie stuff and all the nonsense that 18 year old girls need to survive. All that and a fridge.
She hates the food she is given at the hotel, all that is good for her, these past weeks have changed her, she is different in many ways....the routine is helping her and having to be good day and night is helping. I have had a few calls where she speaks in one sentence, hardly gathering breath, but somehow she runs out of steam. I don't get worked up, don't feel as though my head will explode. ( although when she howled " I WANT TO COME HOME!" I felt a cold prickly seat forming on my neck)
Today she was crying and getting mad and I just said " and you are yelling at me because??" I just spoke to her calmly and when she couldn't listen because she was way too far down the hysterics road, her credit ran out, the phone cut out and I left it. Didn't call back ( actually my phone was out of credit too and I wasn't at home to call back) she called an hour or so later and said sorry, told me how she had resolved the issues she had been mad about. She is learning and growing up. It is also enormously reassuring that she calls me and feels safe enough to do the wailing and
"OHMYGODWHATCANIDOANDITISALLCRAPANDYOUMUSTFIXITFORME" thing. She trusts me.
She has spoken about things she can do next year, good things, happy things, I don't think I have ever heard Sophie talk about the things she can do. Always we have heard how it's OK for everyone else, she'll never do it, have it, enjoy it etc. She seems to have never had any hope, right now she is beginning to feel that and also, when things don't go right, she is sticking it out. HUGE, this is just HUGE!
So tomorrow I am driving to see her, taking her shopping to get some bits and pieces to last until she is paid ( 10 days bless her, how she has managed this long is amazing, she is doing so WELL!)
I thought maybe Jordan was coming with me but so far he hasn't called....I might have to do this on my own. Oh dear....in a strange way that thought excites me, me and an open road, no talking, no noise.....no sense of direction, could end up as a magical mystery tour, North wales here we come.
Why am I so hopeless when it comes to finding places? It used to be funny but the novelty wore off when petrol got so expensive! When a trip would already cost £50 and then ends up costing an extra £10 because I get so bloody hopelessly lost, no-one is laughing!
I so wish I had music in my car, 2 hours in a rattley old rust bucket can make your ears whistle, mayhaps I shall hear a tune in the whistling and count my many blessings etc.
I will take pictures because I really think she is going to look beautiful again. I hope. Please.
On a totally different tack...Isaac is being a bit amazing at the moment. Today he actually asked to go in someones car, without me. He asked and he went! Also, mums new house? He loves it, he was there and stayed without me, he was playing and had such fun, he never does that, he usually stays right where I am. Yesterday at church he actually went up to the front and joined in a singing game. He is fantastic. In 3 days he will be six. So grown up, my dearest silent boy is growing and changing, I miss that little boy who spoke in Du buh language and was stuck to my legs all day, is that terribly wrong?
I have to go to bed, I am soooooo tired, I have slept more this week than I have in years, heaven. Bring it on.