well, whad'ya know?

It all went hopelessly wrong! Jordan called to say that one of the chefs walked out of a sister restaurant so he had to go and fill in there, landlady called to say that 'oh dear, promised van and man were no longer available, I found an alternative van and driver....she said it was a bit pricey ( £100?!?!?) and maybe we should hire a van? " good idea, said I ...are you happy to drive it for us?" Suddenly my plan was sounding good!
Then that van fell through.......arses to it all.
2am I had the mother of all breakdowns and hissy fits, all upon my own which was such a waste because it was a splendid example of hysteria if ever I managed one. No matter, managed to have another mini one in front of mum at 9am.
H and I spent most of the day at the new house, mum had Eli ( thankyou thankyou) and Dan entertained the other 2 ( oh joy, heaven, all day being able to get things done and no fighting, bored little people, no having to stop and feed people or get drinks, just doing what we needed to do.
At 3am today I decided that I was being ridiculous, that this whole depression about the smell and the hated bathroom was something I had to get a grip on and do something about, so I did. At 8.45 I left the house I bought a large piece of beautiful, brand new linoleum. When Eli was dropped off safely and the boys were out with Dan I shut myself in that formerly detested and afeared bathroom and I transformed it, having scrubbed until I was about ready to wear through to the kitchen, I knew it was clean but that dark grey, worn lino with it's cracks and curly edges.....shudder.
I painted the walls a beautiful clean pale yellow, I cut and fitted that heavenly floor covering and I put up pictures, also a huge pine mirror. I sat ON THE FLOOR next to THE toilet, which smells lovely and is sparkly and clean and oh so ready for me to sit on and not jitter or fidget. I wept with the sheer relief at having a bathroom that is lovely to be in, with shower and clean shiny bath, and I got to do the hands on hips I am just about as bloody brilliant as it is possible to be dance. Twice.
The boys rooms are cosy and ready for mattresses to be plopped on top of bases, pictures on walls ( newly painted walls in Seth's room, thankyou H)
The little dining area is looking a bit pretty and sort of diner-ish, the kitchen is clean but sort of ( or very) disorganised, the front room ( which actually is the back room and should be called the sitting room in this house ) is ready for finishing touches. On the wall is the most enormous funky picture, all abstract and not at all my cup of tea....but the colours work in a surprising way and I find that I kind of like it.
I can't help but think of what the estate agents will think when they see it, they saw it when it was full of junk and as filthy as a house can possibly be. The landlady saw it when it was clean and had curtains up but hasn't seen it now. I want her to see it tomorrow with our furniture in and our spirit there.
I am weak with a feeling of comfort and peace.
I think the bad has gone.
There is still one room that needs some loving, we are using it as a store room and for now I can cope with just running in and getting what I need and getting out again. As we empty the room I will be more inclined to face it and rid it of whatever is making it such a miserable place.
I think I might be more muddled than usual this time, not quite sure what is where and might have to stand staring into space trying to remember what box/bag/pile things might be in more than usual ( heaven help us all!!) Only one room is crazy though, not bad going! I am looking forward to taking pictures to share though because I have been such a blasted misery about it and because it has taken so long for me to not hate it, never mind like it.......before we left tonight, I walked around on my own and almost felt excited, when I realised that I was actually barefoot and had walked right though the house ( with the exception of dogshit room, sorry to say shit, pooh is unpleasant but not nearly as unpleasant as shit and this room smells like shit ( said it 4 times, that must tell you something!) well I knew then that I had cracked through the barriers and would be able to live there and not die of misery!
I am pretty sure the smell is in my imagination but whether that is the case or not, when that room is empty that carpet is getting ripped out, then I will KNOW it is in my head. I will replace that carpet and cost be damned because I cannot stand the way the thought of what could be on it is making me insane. I don't care how many people tell me they can't smell it, I can.
So, I do believe it will be alright. For 3 months, time goes so quickly I am going to have to force myself to just enjoy a week or two before I start fretting about the next move. Just take a breather, enjoy the good bits, ignore the bad........I can do it, I can.
Pictures on thursday if we get the internet all set up and working. And if I still have strength in my fingers and can see straight and stuff.