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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Self- aggrandizing at its best.

Sometimes, as a mother there is nothing to do but just say it as it is. I could dress it down and take a shot at acting like it's not a big deal but it is IS a big deal so I am going to just brag it.
Sophie, the girl child has now been off drugs of all kinds for just over a month. She has even stopped smoking and that is such a huge deal. I love that she tells me how different she feels and also, when I asked her if she thought that now she acknowledges this, will it be easier not to go back and start all over again, she said No. I like that. She says she feels good, she likes the way she looks now but she still craves it. To have given up cigarettes as well is what has made me feel so proud of her. She still wants drugs and drink, she thinks of it often, especially when stressed and angry.
This is so early on in a good time for Sophie and we have been in similar places before, the difference this time is that she has learned so much. She is still Sophie, still loud and over the top, she still manages to make me cringe when we are in public, because bless her enormous mouth, she turns head with that fog horn of a gob!
I know that we have a long way to go, I know that every choice belongs to Sophie, I will have to stay in the background and keep holding my breath, praying and crossing fingers. On friday she has her first appointment with mental health, I hope it is a good one, not one where she sits and says all the right things with that sweet smile and the slightly shy tilt of the head.
I am excited to look at the future and imagine her being happy in it.
I can see ( if I let myself) that she will have a life with responsibilities and be able to get through it, that she can learn and deal. That's all I ask of her.
She is listening to what others have to say and although she doesn't like many of the things she has to do, she is doing them. Big steps.
Then we have that littlest one.
I maybe don't give him the kudos the others get, they are just mini Hs with their photographic memories and then my littlest one, he is just gloriously regular, he is 4, he does 4 year old things. He painted the bathroom with my make up yesterday, he does naughty stuff.
Then, today I found him with my laptop open, so sad because " It won't work and I tarnt find it and no-body won't help me and I duss tarnt do it!"
When I looked at what he was doing, he had typed 'highsolmymosicolgems' in the search engine, he is 4...high school musical games! Then I found a picture of a stick with a fat head and underneath was written BASITBOL ( basketball) He's not a dipstick, I do believe he got some of those smart genes after all, as well as a big old pile of bloody scrumptiousness.
Yeah, it's my family and I'll brag if I want to.

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Blogger Julie Q said...

Aw, so cute! And smart! That is great sounding out for a four year old! :) Look out world, here comes Eli too! :)

Oh and yay again for the Sophie girl. Those are hard demons to fight off and I hope she keeps on fighting them.

2:03 am  
Blogger noname said...

I had a real drinking problem as a teen. What helped me was being a control freak and not being able to handle that out of control thing that happens when you're drunk. Wasn't easy to stop but I was compelled by that urge to control any and all......

She's in my thoughts and prayers, as are all of you. And Eli...soooooo cute! Jax is my closest to normal. Such a difference with her in many things. Definately have to live it up while you can, even the naughty bits.

6:04 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So glad to hear Sophie is doing well. I can't believe she was able to quit smoking as well. That is hard. I started smoking when I was 14 or 15 and quit when I was 23. Right after I got married and moved to my own place. I'm glad I was able to do it because it really is so disgusting and if I hadn't quit, I wouldn't see that.
As for the Eli boy, well who couldn't just eat him up? High heels and all. You gotta love a boy that likes dress up and basketball.

10:43 am  
Blogger sarah said...

sophie continues to have our prayers. She will find her way. I will email you a title of a book that has helped me.

Eli is too cute.....

3:33 pm  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

What a smart boy!

And so happy to hear that Sophie is fighting this thing. I truly hope she keeps up the strength to persevere. Remind her of how great it will feel when she reaches the other side and can say, "I did that! I beat it!" She has a huge advantage over others in her situation and that is that she has a strong mother rallying behind her! That means a lot!

Hugs to you and yours!

2:28 am  

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