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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Oh look! No baby!

I am such a snob about my blog, if I bore myself thinking about what to write...I don't write anything, I'm sorry if there are aching fingers clickedy clicking the refresh button to see if this tardy grandbaby of mine has deigned to bless us with his presence. The answer to that is still a resounding NO I am afraid.
I started to write a witty update that was to end with THE END because that would have made me hoot with laughter, but dear life it was dull and never got further than 'we walked' and so delete and shut down won over the day.
How many times can an impatient Nana to be say " No baby yet" without driving herself nutso?
Jordan and Mel have turned their phones off, that means that I am getting ALL the phone calls, I get all the emails and all the texts.
I broke down last night and mentioned the nipple stimulation, Mel reacted pretty much the way I Imagined she would " Oh, I know about that but you have to do it for HOURS!" and the midwife has told her about sex so I can leave that one alone.
We have walked, bounced, eaten spicey food, worn my fingers to the bone with reflexology and back massaging with Clary sage and Jasmine, Mel can barely walk because " Oh, do pardon me for waddling but there is a head between my legs" the boy is a sneeze away from falling out. If all else fails, on monday she will be induced, which by then will mean the Doctor saying " COUGH" and making sure he is in the line of fire to catch said lazy gitlet.
He is just too much like his parents, both of whom will happily stay in one spot having a doze until something exciting comes along or they are physically ousted from their warm and cosy spot.
He is a week late today, I forgot to see what the stupid widget was saying.....I think it may have started from scratch becuase last time I looked it said 10 days to go, I didn't show Mel that because she may well have shot the messenger, we are treading lightly around this normally sweet and placid girl at the moment.
HA HA HA!! LOOK! The baby in the WIDGET has gone, been born, got out, My grandbaby wins! Na na na na na ( but not NANA!) well if that doesn't pretty much say it all. I am ridiculously annoyed by that because i was looking forward to making that skinny little baby disappear when my real life plump and healthy boy grandchild arrives, how dare they presume that because 41 weeks arrived it must mean that the baby was born and I forgot to remove said widget. How very dare they?

What other news? Diarrhea, so much of it. Eli has had it for a week and that may be because he keeps sneaking the worst kind of food ...Isaac came into our bed last night and whimpered for 2 hours..then let us know why, Seth just began his day by yelling that he needed a shower, say no more.
I will take the time to say THREE WEEKS TODAY I will be in Boston, with the laughing ladies.
I have been having a huge private freak out this week about it. The beginnings of the flying colly-wobbles have begun which I expected, I can battle with those I think, not nearly as worrying to be flying alone, when I knew that the boys were flying with us in December I was so sick of the idea it took a hefty prescription to even get me to the airport.
My freak out this week is all about me. It is truly a battle of wills, with a Fat, poor chick on one shoulder and a reasonable loving one on the other.

Fat chick " Oh my goodness would you look at you! Are they all going to get a shock when they clap eyes on YOU "

Reasonable Loving Chick " what utter hogwash, does it matter to YOU what anyone looks like?"

FC " No, but that may because they are all so lovely and have nice homes and pretty clothes, they are girly and know what to wear with what, unlike ME with my 'this fits, that'll do ' approach to life.

RLC " You are being ridiculous now. Your home could be lovely if you got off your admittedly large backside and did something with it, 5 months is long enough....get up and make it beautiful, so its rented, big deal, that means the landlord gets to pay for repairs, doesn't mean you are destined to live in a squat, do your stuff"

FC "Don't you start in me RLC, I am going to Boston, I need money for that, we are hittin Target and outlet malls , I am squirrelling money away, every wooden blind I buy now means 10 minutes in a shop in Boston, Priorities people priorities!"

RLC "well there you go, you answered yourself, your house isn't worthy of showing because you made a choice, you look the way you do because you make a choice everytime you open your mouth and shove food into it, can't help you with the crazy hair, that's your dad's doing and you can't speak ill of the dead, you may have to suck that one up and pray for no rain or humidity when you get to Boston. Clothes, hmmm Target have good ones, you're going to have to fight that life long battle wherein you feel obliged to buy for every one else and not yourself, if you want nice clothes you need to buy them and then wear them...unavoidable"

FC....."ack, you got me there, that's a tough one alright. I shall make it my challenge when I get there to buy things for ME, might need some pushing in that direction, will you help me out?

RLC " you bet I will, just make sure you don't go buying any wooden blinds for that house before you go, just shut the curtains and pretend you are out if anyone calls, that old 'sorry we're in a mess but we just moved in' statemnnet so doesn't work anymore."

I am trying to say that every negative ridiculous statement churning around in my head is just that, I know that all those people I am going to meet, love who I am, they don't care if I live in a rented house with ill matching curtains and carpets, with antwacky old paintwork and grotty lampshade, they don't give a stuff whether I have a credit card or not, they won't notice ( and even if they did won't care a jot) that my clothes aren't crisp and pretty, new and fetching, I know all this, I don't need anyone to tell me that it doesn't matter, I know it.....making myself accept it is the hard part.
I glimpse myself in a shop window and just feel like scuttling away into a hole, I am dreading having cameras pointed at me and feeling that maddening grimace that can't quite make it into smile, that look of complete idiocy that fills my face whenever there is a camera pointed anywhere in my direction, it's beyond me why I can't just smile and be done with it.
Oh look a camera! Look stupid!
Anyway, I am giving myself a jolly good talking to, by the time I get to Bsoton I shall be so maddeningly confident I suspect I may find myself shoved to the back of the room when the camera come out because 'remember Helen? How annoying was SHE? My goodness she was in our faces the whole time with her 'take a picture of ME!' '
I have found a song just right for the occassion....all together now......

Oh and before I go....guess what! No baby yet. ( not even in that little widget up there, nope not even there!)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell Mel that I don't know anyone that went as long overdue as I was with Aubrie. It warms my hear to know I wasn't the only one, even though I know she is so tired of waiting. None of my friends had morning sickness or were overdue. I think they were some kind of weirdos. Send her my love. Funny that Aubrie was my smallest baby and I gained the most weight with her.

9:48 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

And I think Helen, they are going to just love you!

My Hanna was one week overdue. I think induction scared her, as she decided to come the day I was supposed to be induced.

10:30 am  
Blogger Stetch said...

lol Daniel was 9 days overdue, so I know completely how Mel feels. Poor thing--let's hope baby comes out soon, already!!

You are going to have such a blast in Boston. Some day if I get the chance to visit you we can laugh at how alike we are--all I wear is tshirts and shorts usually and I also hate the way I look in pics.

Eh, all that matters is that you are going to see a whole bunch of people you really care about and have lots of fun (sans kids). :P

2:04 pm  
Blogger TN said...

AWWWWW Helen....not to worry....we love you just as you are!!!! I hope "the Little Package" gets here before you go to Boston.

3:47 pm  
Blogger mom of 2 said...

I can sympathize with Mel and with you as Emily was 12 days late. It's funny because she still moves as slow as molasses sometimes! Made me crazy then and still does! Mel can take comfort in at least if no baby by Monday she can be induced. I hope all goes well and baby and mom are healthy and happy!!

6:59 pm  

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