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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tiny steps. ( with update.....that's a record, even for me!)

So, here we are then.
Little hiatus going on.
No stomach bug ( oh JOY!)
No baby today ( must back off a tiny weeny bit, sometimes)
Still 2 weeks til Boston.
Sophie is good.

Wait....what d'you say?

WHAT????? Sophie is GOOD? Hold back there a moment.

She is.
Right now.
She is working, being a good girl, doing things we haven't witnessed much at all. ( good things, normal 19 year old, sesible person things)

I am thrilled and happy and very guarded, but not to her, to her, I am really thrilled and REALLY happy.
Jordan told Sophie that once the baby arrived, she would have to find somewhere else to stay, he said it most days, making sure the message got through, when his son was born they wanted to be able to be a family, be able to sit in the living room without Sophie crashed out on the sofa, all such normal things to want.
Sophie, in her usualy way behaved as though she didn't hear a word. However once Joshua arrived she surprised us all. She came to see me and told me that she had to stay somewhere else and said " they want to be a family and they should be, if I stay there I will get in the way and also I won't be able to mind my own business, I want to pick him up and love him all day long, I want to change him and pick out cute clothes, but he isn't my baby so I have to get out and sleep somewhere else."
" I am so sick of having to go to different other peoples' houses to find various clothes and makeup and not having anywhere that is mine"
She waits until 1am , when she knows H is asleep and my defences are down and then she 'pops' in, she will chat and then say " oh, I suppose I should try and find somewhere to sleep" even I can't make her do that ( as much for the poor unsuspecting subject of choice, who wants a knock on the door past 1am and a pitiful girl begging for a floor?)So she sleeps here on the dining room floor.
Last night. 9pm.
" Mum, H, I am going to see a room tomorrow in a house share, I hope I get it and can move right in, do you mind if I sleep here until I know if I can do that?"
She did, she thanked us both and was told that her being polite and asking BOTH of us made all the difference, the fact that she has cleared the dining room first thing every morning and put all her bedding away has made a huge impact on me and even H. Even H. He said today that her asking made an enormous change. Her following through with promises shows she is growing up.
I don't think I have ever seen this amount of growth in Sophie before, so many times I have lifted my hopes, believed we have 'made it' and she has crashed but I have never before seen such tiny steps taking her so far.
She has taken so long to get where she is and the difference this time is that she hasn't taken any backward slides, no two steps forward 3 steps back, just tiny little steps in the right direction.
The other thing is, she is doing it herself, I stopped making calls for her, stopped picking up prescriptions for her, stopped asking her what she was doing about a home. I stopped. When I stopped, she started. And she can do it by crikey.
She has been working full time for 2 weeks, so far so good, I haven't heard any complaints and if there are any to be had I always hear about them. So that's great isn't it?
Sophie didn't get the room she went about, someone beat her to it, however they did offer her a room that will be available on July 16th, that means she has enough time to save and pay off her overdraft ( ha ha ! Just caught myself getting so carried away, don't worry, I realised the foolishness of my hopeless dreams, back to real life right away) That means she can have a few weeks of fun and crashing on peoples' floors and they won't mind because it is temporary and only until July 16th.
It also means that I can buy all kinds of pretty things for her room in Boston, things that she will treasure and look at and feel pride because she has this great room that is all HERS and when it comes to paying her rent she will do it happily because her room will be such a joy and will giver her such a sense of pride because SHE is working to pay for it. ( is the plan, a good one I think?)
Tiny steps are my favourite kind I think.
1.30am. She came in stoned. The only tiny plus is that whatever she took was bad stuff, she did not enjoy it, she will enjoy every single moment of today even less. I can guarantee it.

If I write on my blog, right here, something like .......

I have never won the lottery, I am pretty sure I never will. I am not yet willing to say for sure it will never happen, but this's looking pretty certain.


Gosh, I have been thinking about how no-one ever bought me a brand new car and tied a big pink ribbon around it, like that would ever happen. Yes I can quite confidently say that although I am guarded I think this won't happen


I have been thinking about how I have been so fat for so long, although I can't say for definite, I feel really sure that I will not wake up thin and firm bodied tomorrow.

What do you think? Worth a try?
Lottery win,
New car left outside
Size 10 body with a washboard belly??

Yes?? ( am buying a bloody ticket just in case.)

Address is
Helen Back ( nee Highwater)
666 Door slamming Terrace.
Stupid Town
Keep your Mouth Shut

I prefer lighter colours in my cars thankyou very much. Ribbon optional.

Oh the clothes I will buy in Boston for my new sylph like self.

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Blogger sarah said...

so happy to hear that sophie is doing well. i am sure your heart is bursting with happiness. when she has gotten all togeather we must have her chat with my sister who is much older than her and still hasnt gotten it. even with tough love. so proud of her...

12:41 am  
Blogger TN said...

Good for Sophie. Sounds like she is on the right track.

1:02 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One foot in front of the other and she will conquer all!

Bravo Sophie! We are all routing for you and are proud of you!

Love you

1:52 am  
Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

While I'm saddened at Sophie's slip I am glad that you posted the first part because I want to celebrate the times she does good with you too, not just the bad stuff.

Here's hoping a bad high is enough to keep her sober. I know I stopped doing silly things when they started making me feel sick.



12:09 pm  
Blogger Julie Q said...

2 steps forward and one step back. I hope she catches up with her good self Helen.

Good luck with the car! Wouldn't that be so cool!

1:38 pm  
Blogger MamaTink said...

Ditto to Julie and Julie! They both said exactly what I was thinking.

10:52 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Julie put it wonderfully. I pray those moments she remembers why to NOT get high and how life truly is without drugs clouding her. I cannot imagine what you're going through but just know there are so many who are sending the biggest hugs your way and the biggest pv's to that beautiful little thing.

5:40 am  
Blogger noname said...

You and Sophie are in my thoughts. All the time.

9:37 pm  

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