21 today, 21 today, he's got the key to the door, never been 21 before.

Jordan Thomas Edward. 21 today.
From day one he has been my easiest child, he came into the world following 6 painless contractions, some pushes done in cold blood and amidst much laughing. I looked at him, this big boy with a mass of perfectly tidy hair and I had no idea what to think. He wasn't what I was imagining at all, there had been no pain at all delivering him, I felt as though someone had given me a cute new puppy when I had been hoping for a kitten.
I was distanced from him, able to do what he needed but still looking at him as someone else held him and wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with him. I did not want to breast feed, at all and refused to even try, with Dan I felt like c ow with one or the other udder out 24 hours a day and I just hated to even start that shinanigans again, the trouble is, he would not take a bottle, at all, he gagged and wretched and spat and he turned his head.
Everyone told me to breastfeed him, for 3 days, over and over, how he would starve and all he wanted was his mothers milk.
"He doesn't KNOW!" I would say, I hadn't even tried to feed him, how did he know that's what he wanted?
On day four, they beat me down, I gave in, so begrudgingly...and told them to pass him to me, I would give it a go but I didn't want to and they needn't think I was going to enjoy it, at all.
He latched on, he suckled for 5 minutes each side and he slept for 5 hours straight, every time. For 9 months. Delightful boy.
He loved me, if he could see me he was happy, if he couldn't, he screamed and that was the only time he screamed, ever. SO I just took him with me, everywhere, to the toilet, the kitchen, 3 steps to the right, he came too, it was a habit that suited us both, I never gave it a thought unless someone witnessed what we did and asked how I didn't go insane...then I would try and walk out of the door to show them what would REALLY drive me insane and they would get it.
He was a deliciously chubby baby, he loved to play with his hair and as I fed him he would rub his hair or reach for mine. He rubbed most of his hair off by the time he was 6 months old so he took to grabbing mine very gently and just rubbing it between his fingers.
I don't know if or when he would have grown out of screaming if he couldn't see me because he wasn't even 2 when his dad left and then when he was just 2 he was snatched and hurt so badly, well no-one ever questioned why he would scream if he couldn't see me then.
There is something about Jordan that has always had a most special part of my heart. So afraid was I that he would always be damaged and sad, so desperate for him to feel safe and be brave, I felt as though I had to shut off all emotions, strong feelings and tenderness, in order to get through it, make him well, help him grow up to be happy and unafraid without going insane.
He never ( that I can recall) made me lose my temper in the spectacular way that the others can do. Not until he was in his late teens anyway. Even then, if I am ever to lose my temper with him, he somehow knows how to diffuse it immediately and then he makes me laugh.
He always makes me laugh, he is quick and irreverant and says the kind of things that appeal to my humour, the sort of things that make you gasp because did he REALLY say that? And then laugh, because he did and it was so well timed and so wrong. On saturday at the park it was sweltering, truly almost unbearably hot and we were enjoying it but also not. Mel said " Oh I am SO hot!" and without a seconds thought he said " Oh don't flatter yourself!"
Now if anyone else said that it would most likely sound insulting but when he says it ..it's hysterical.
He gets away with talking that way to almost everyone, he also knows how to take it when it gets handed back, which helps.
I am enjoying watching him from a distance as he grows, he is doing a great job. He has found a new job and managed beautifully in the weeks he hasn't had work. He is doing what he should be doing and more. I see that the years I raised him alone have paid off, whatever I did, I did right, he makes me proud.
Now he is grown, he is still my easiest child. Lanky great git.