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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's like magic!

So, yesterday I went to see my Dr and filled her in on the latest in the saga that is my life. WE chatted and she said that she had noticed that she hadn't seen me since April and wondering whether that was a very good thing or a really really bad thing.
"Bit of both", said I. Things have been great which meant I fell apart for a while, stayed behind closed doors to enjoy my madness in perfect solitude, got over it and here I was, ready to take on the world and take off some fat.
Never once, ever, has a doctor ever told me I should lose weight, which I find remarkable, I think they have been more concerned with my mental state than the physical maybe. Anyway I told Dr lovely lady that I was ready to do something about it. I have to say that I am not a bit excited or enthusiastic about it, I am not at all YEAY! Watch ME...this is it world I am going to conquer and win!
I am much more...oh, dear, would you look at that chin and neck and belly and arms, I have what is delightful and touching on a baby, the afterthought wrists. Those ' oh look, God forgot the hands and screwed then on afterwards' kind of wrists. Not good on a 46 year old.
I am much more huffing and puffing and grumbling about how bloody long this is going to take before anything is even noticeable.
The good thing is, I have some help and it is such a help I tell you what.
I got a prescription for Xenical. I had it before and it really worked, when I took it. The trouble is, I stopped taking it because I was all marvellous and in the swing, I knew how to eat well now and didn't need it, which was true to an extent.
Let me tell you, when you are as private and I am, when you are so loathe to let anyone see that despite anything I might try to pretend, I do actually have to use the lavatory, the very idea that if you eat any fat you could quite possibly poo yourself in the supermarket without warning...well I tell you this, that is 100% guaranteed to make you walk past the chocolate, crisps, cookies and head for the red grapes.
The possibility that you might fart and shame yourself in public will really REALLY make you shudder at the sight of real butter.
I looked at the box this morning and I sighed, took out a blue capsule and swallowed it. MAGIC....I went shopping and my fridge is filled with colourful, none incontinent making goodies. I ran past the chips and dip shelves, I sneered at the chocolate covered peanuts and I hugged my bag of grapes because they are delicious and juicy and will not make me soil myself.
I am going to take these every day, like it or not. I am going to the Drs every 2 weeks to get weighed and have my blood pressure taken. I am on the brink of having to have my blood pressure meds increased and I am not about to let that happen. I Am 46 not 76, my high blood pressure is my own doing, my poor body is lugging around an extra 96lbs or so. My knees are complaining, I wheeze when I walk up a hill as my little boys run up it without a second thought.
Even when ( and it will happen) I am in the habit of eating well and it doesn't seem like some terrible form of torture anymore, I will keep taking these tablets because I cannot trust myself to stick with it. I will start to tell myself that 'just one' ice cream because we are out and it is hot, won't hurt.
I will dip into the crisps as Eli snacks, I will tell myself that fish and chips on friday is the law and anyway I have been great all week, haven't I?
If I keep taking those tablets I will remain as afraid of the consequences as I am today, it will never ever be a risk worth taking to eat fatty foods. Never. Perish the thought. Ewwwwwww.
I am hoping that as the days go by the enthusiasm will come, that I will wake up and feel excited about all the great things I can eat and feed my family, feel marvellous and healthy, happy to be living so well. I have felt that before and I kept my diet blog, I loved charting the delicious recipes, taking pictures, adapting foods to my own taste, I really got the biggest thrill from the weight loss widget thing I had.
I want to lose weight, it is a result I am loooking for, as well as just feeling better again. Not getting stuck when I am on the floor and having to crawl to a chair to hoist my fat arse up off the carpet. Many reasons for starting again.
I am going to start the diet blog again, because it helps me, it gives me a focus and I am glad I never deleted it because it has some great dinner ideas on there.
I am remembering just how delicious a warm pitta with wafer thin ham can be.
I am even ( oh help me) going to try and walk this mammoth hill we live on once a day, without stopping for poor body won't know what is happening to it for a while and I suspect my head is going to give me a hard time. Tough luck head, body is falling apart, try not to think about all that stuff you have been stuffed with and hanging onto for so long...try letting the new ideas in and welcoming them. Give it a go.



Blogger Rachel said...

You're my hero. I'll be journeying with you once this baby is born.

Love you and mist you. More than usual today, I think.

1:45 pm  
Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

Mind if I join you? Now that I'm feeling human again it's time I think.

1:57 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

I'll be cheering you on for sure, Helen... and hopefully feeling a bit of inspiration as well. Love you!

3:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so awesome Helen. You are so hard on yourself sometimes but I just love your courage, your honesty, and just you.

7:37 pm  
Blogger sarah said...

good for you helen. I am right there with you. i had the lapband done in 07. i have 70 pounds left to go before i can do my cosmetic stuff. not that i want it. It needs to be done. I will be here cheering you on and hope you have a easier time than I have had with this. So proud of you.

11:50 pm  
Blogger Cathy said...

Way to go Helen!
All the LFF's are going to get our pom pom's out and cheer you on!
Love you!

1:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds good. I have lost some weight since going back to work and it is just starting to show. The hardest part for me is before it shows. Seems kind of pointless to not eat and still be fat. I am afraid to get on the scale and find that maybe 2 lbs have gone. How discouraging that would be.

9:49 am  
Blogger Stetch said...

Yay! Although that medicine sounds horrific, if it works, AND you keep it off when done, A W E S O M E! I'm so proud of you. :) Best of luck, dear.

12:44 pm  
Blogger Tired Mom of Six said...

I'm cheering for you, Helen! It's hard work being healthy, but you're SO worth it.

Me, I've been taking a hiatus which started right before our vacation. I figure once all the kiddos are in school (after this weekend), I'm going to kick myself in the arse again and start getting to the gym each afternoon. Maybe we can cheer for each other and pick each other up when things aren't going so well...A friend getting healthy with a friend is much better than doing it alone.
Love & mist you muches! xoxoxox

2:19 pm  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

Way to go! I so need to follow in your footsteps. I am getting closer to it, but my coca-cola is a hard habit to break. I will definitely be cheering for you and pulling some inspiration to get going myself!

3:24 pm  
Blogger Elise said...

Very very proud of you!

8:57 pm  

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