Hoorah and bugger it.

Hoorah. Laptop is mended and on it's way home with a new something board and all working and splendid.
Bugger it. Stupid, stupid people who messed up my benefits did not straighten their mess out and so the rent was not covered ....big mess in the bank account, gaping holes where money should have been.
Hoorah...had the money to pay into the account and get the rent paid.
Bugger it. It was my spending money for Boston, I now have enough to pay the hotel and eat and if I am very clever, maybe buy a few tiny gifts for the boys' Christmas.
Hoorah. There is a chance that I can get it straightened out before thursday.
Bugger it...the chance is pretty slim.

On a separate note I began exercising yesterday ( I know, hell's teeth!) small start but goodness me it hurts! I am not going to say what I am doing until I am better at it. I will say that when the pooh hit the fan today and I sunk into despair at having, yet again rob Peter to pay Paul (and Peter was so looking forward to just forgetting all the scrimping and saving just for a few bloody days ) I did not resort to eating the grumpiness away...I actually did a little exercising instead
( who IS this person? WHO?) while my laptop has been away I felt strange sitting here in the evenings without it in front of me, I was restless so every evening I have been making things and writing cards etc. It's been really very good for me, I am going to be making and doing more from now on.
More and more I see food as something that is there to keep me going so I can do what I want and need to do, less as something that I crave or need to think about all the time. Often mealtimes arrive and I find that I have to make myself eat, it would be very easy to skip meals but I am so afraid of halting what is working for me that I eat. It is incredible to me that I can feel like this and I really want for this to be how I feel from now. Always before, doing this has been about getting thin, and this time of course I long for that but it is so much more, it's about feeling differently. It's about not being ruled by anything, about being in control. Heaven knows I want to be in control of something in my life, the rest of it is one big helter skelter of who knows what's going to happen.
I was so worried about Eli today, for a week or two he hasn't been eating, saying his tummy hurts after a couple of bites of food. He has been himself in every other way, happy and busy but just not eating much. This evening he was the same and after a hair cut and a bath, Seth said " Hey, Elijah is actually really fat!" which seems a strange thing to say about Eli, who is anything but fat...but his belly was really distended, hard as a rock and he looked every bit like a little starving baby. Then he has the worst diarrhoea , 2 or three times, his poor little tummy. After that he was as right as rain, he said his tummy didn't hurt anymore and it did look less bulgey. The doctor didn't seem concerned and said that as he was otherwise well to just watch him and see how he is tomorrow. He just seemed so little to be that uncomfortable and I saw just how small we all are in the scheme of things. I really hope this isn't a rotten bug that is about to knock into us all, the timing stinks as much as the poop if it is! On the other hand, I hope it IS just a bug and that Eli is better when he wakes up.
All in all it's been a pretty shitty day all things considered. It's nearly over and I am glad about that!
I shall be at the council offices again as they open on monday and I will be the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, or the rent cheque in this case. I went at 8.30 on monday to make sure that this very thing didn't happen and was assured that it would all be fine, amazing how they can stop the money in a heartbeat but cannot ever seem to rectify the mistakes they make in less than 2 weeks isn't it? Amazing and unbelievably annoying.

Oh and Hoorah...I have such great friends, in 4 days now I will be with them in Boston.