Who knew?

So, we have started the home schooling journey we never knew we wanted to take.
I think this whole thing was H's idea, I don't recall him ever saying " I think we should home school" I know I never said it, I just know that one day, we had said it and written to the school to tell them that Elijah would not be returning to school and here we are. Oh. My. Goodness.
I'm not sure how H and I work, I know we don't have cosy chats or long brow beating sessions of decision making. I often think we have little in common but actually, more and more we seem to think the same things and make it all happen without either of us ever saying " This is how it will be"
Is that a good thing? I think it must be because it works for us ( that's a relief)
So, here we are. H, me and a little dog called Eli. Or a big dog, sometimes a Gorilla.
We find ourselves saying ( more often than we would like) "Dogs are not allowed in here" before entering a shop, or church or stately mansion. He has been a Labrador / retriever for a week, then a great dane. He crawls on all fours everywhere, he pants and sniffs ( not bums, we are thankful for small mercies) he digs and would love to eat his food from a bowl on the floor. When we saw him cocking his leg over the toilet ( at least it wasn't against a lamp post!) I started to think things had gone a bit far. H wasn't on the same page and actually let him buy a dog bed at a car boot sale with his pocket money. He desperately wanted to sleep in it but that was where I put my foot down!
I am bored with the whole dog thing now, I am biting my tongue though because hey, it's imaginative and we don't see that too often in this house. I cringe every time he does something good and I say " Good BOY!" I am afraid I will pat him on the head or throw him a morsel of food from my plate without thinking!
Anyhoo, homeschooling.
I was, until Tuesday, very apprehensive about keeping Elijah at home. I was so afraid we were doing him a disservice. I was worried that this wasn't the right thing to do.
On Monday, we started to teach him. Last year, in school, Eli was unrecognisable, our bouncy, loud, eccentric boy was withdrawn, puzzled, confused. He would sit and suck his thumb ALL day at school, he was running after kids that were mean to him because he thought they were his friends. He wasn't speaking to any teachers and he wasn't learning anything.
In the 6 weeks school holidays Eli came back, he was bouncy and happy, he stopped throwing things and yelling he began to play ( and be a DOG!) He stopped being sad.
Just that one thing, a 7 year old who stopped being sad...that one thing is enough to make me see that this is the right thing.
On Tuesday we had a visit from someone, I'm not even sure who she is, I thought she was from a homeschooling / education department, I know that she had to come because she had been informed that we had withdrawn Eli from school and she said it wasn't a worrying visit it was just to chat and see what we had planned ( plans? PLANS? We have PLANS?) and ask what we saw were Eli's strengths and weaknesses.
Within minutes of her arriving at the house ( Eli, this is Ms Nosey Parker, she has come to see Eli the boy, not the dog, can you sit up and talk like a real boy please? "WOOF!") it was evident that she wasn't here to support us in anyway.
I heard H's angry tongue click noise that he makes when he is trying to control a rage. I listened as she told us how OUR children especially need to be at school because they need to socialise, they need to learn that other people have opinions and they have to learn ( more than other children apparently) how to get on with other people and work as a team.
I pointed out that our children are different to other children, they pick up the WRONG things easily, they will do whatever other kids tell them to do because they think THAT is what makes them popular. She told us over and over again how, if we take them all out of school, when they are 16 they won't get a job, they won't know who to live in the real world or function. I told her that we have older children, we KNOW what works for our children, we have made good choices and we will make the decisions for these younger children based on what WE know is good for them.
You only have to walk through the town at 4.30 pm to see what these senior school kids are not learning at school. The girls look as though they have come from a nightclub or street corner, the boys and girls are loud, rude, uncouth. They throw litter, they swear, the have no manners that are evident.
H asked her if she thought every child that attends a state school will leave, at 16 with all of life's most valuable lessons AND walk into a great job. No answer.
I asked her if she thought we were doing this for fun? I told her that we have adult children as well as the little ones and we knew what they needed just as we know what these boys need.
We have the advantage of seeing where we went wrong with the big kids and are determined not to make those same mistakes.
There is little to no discipline in schools these days, the teachers are not allowed to do anything but talk. It is clear that most of their time is spent trying to contain the unruly kids and keep things under control, little time is left to teach.
I have seen how kids change when they start senior school, it seems they have to become hard faced and disrespectful just to keep from getting bullied. I am not going to send my sons into that environment.
Children with aspergers are perfect targets for bullying. They do not read social signals, they don't understand when someone is teasing, they are naive and will keep trying to be friends with people who are not friendly. I have seen Eli run after kids after they have told him to go away, I watched as he shrugged his shoulders, smiled and ran right after them sure in his mind that they really wanted him to play. I don't know if Eli has any kind of autism, I do know he is delightful and touching and I want him to stay that way.
It is not a schools job to teach my children how to be polite, kind, respectful, well mannered. It is not a schools job to guide my sons into adulthood, helping them to learn the skills needed to function and prosper in this world.
It is a schools job to teach my children academics, to help them learn to read, write, study, to explain mathematics, science, history. Unfortunately, because all the powers of discipline have been taken away from teachers, they don't get to teach the things they should be teaching.
I am afraid that we may not be able to teach him everything he could learn in a good school with enough attention from a patient and able teacher. I am not afraid that we have taken him away from such an environment.
My children are not rowdy, they are not hyperactive, they are not disruptive or unruly, they do not cause problems for teachers or other children. They can sit in a classroom without making a sound, for hours and hours. They do not want to be noticed.
A classroom with 30 children and one teacher and an untrained assistant, with children who do have ADHD, or ADD, children who love to be the center of attention, who shout and disrupt, who are apt to hit out or damage property. Who do you think is going to get the attention first? Of course my quiet children who would rather be forgotten than noticed will be left to sit and suck their thumb or draw pictures of cars, they will be allowed to sit and watch what is going on because 2 adults with 30+ children physically cannot do anything else.
I am not venting at the teachers, I understand why things are the way they are. What I am doing is standing up for my children. Elijah especially because he was already suffering, he had fallen so far behind that it wasn't even an option to leave him where he was.
I am thrilled at the difference in him already. H and I, as we do, have fallen, without speaking about it, into a routine that ensures Eli is busy, engaged and learning from the moment the older boys are at school until they come home.
When H takes Seth and Isaac to school, Eli and I read and then we talk about what we have read, we discuss the story, he reads and I explain and then I read to him and watch his eyes grow wide as he enjoys the story. He then draws a picture of his favourite part of the story.
When H gets home he takes over and Eli and H do some Math work and penmanship.
At 11 Eli and I go out together, either shopping ( where he works out what we need, how many potatoes, how many bread rolls etc) we went to have lunch in the restaurant where Jordan is a chef and he was allowed into the kitchen to make his own pizza. Today we went to a mansion and he tool pictures, he had a clip board with questions on that he had to answer, he had to ask workers for the answers to some of the questions. He drew pictures.
I am amazed at how pretty much everything can be used as a learning tool.
He has been to the allotment with H and they learn about how plants grow and what they need to grow well.
AT 2pm H takes over again and they do some more writing and work.
We have a diary and a picture diary, we are taking pictures of places we go and are going to make a scrap book to record what he is learning.
On Monday he said "This is the very best day of my whole life" I am aware that for his whole life, because he is so affable and laid back, he has trotted behind, we have done exactly what his teachers did because he is so easy to care for. I feel sick to think of the damage that could have been done to this little boy just by doing nothing. I am so glad we saw what was happening and are doing what we know needs to be done to help him be the very best he can be.
I am sure that we will pray a lot in the effort to teach Eli, I think, if we decide to teach Seth and Isaac when they leave primary school, we will pray more than we have ever prayed before. It is a huge undertaking to do this, it is not a decision we have taken lightly. We are not young parents and it is exhausting to do this but we are parents, we had these children and it is our responsibility to make sure they have what they need, that they are safe, happy, secure and in the best possible position to grow and become well adjusted and happy adults with all the skills they need to live and grow in the world.
May the Lord help us and enable us to do what we feel is right for our children.

Hoorah and bugger it.

Hoorah. Laptop is mended and on it's way home with a new something board and all working and splendid.
Bugger it. Stupid, stupid people who messed up my benefits did not straighten their mess out and so the rent was not covered ....big mess in the bank account, gaping holes where money should have been.
Hoorah...had the money to pay into the account and get the rent paid.
Bugger it. It was my spending money for Boston, I now have enough to pay the hotel and eat and if I am very clever, maybe buy a few tiny gifts for the boys' Christmas.
Hoorah. There is a chance that I can get it straightened out before thursday.
Bugger it...the chance is pretty slim.

On a separate note I began exercising yesterday ( I know, hell's teeth!) small start but goodness me it hurts! I am not going to say what I am doing until I am better at it. I will say that when the pooh hit the fan today and I sunk into despair at having, yet again rob Peter to pay Paul (and Peter was so looking forward to just forgetting all the scrimping and saving just for a few bloody days ) I did not resort to eating the grumpiness away...I actually did a little exercising instead
( who IS this person? WHO?) while my laptop has been away I felt strange sitting here in the evenings without it in front of me, I was restless so every evening I have been making things and writing cards etc. It's been really very good for me, I am going to be making and doing more from now on.
More and more I see food as something that is there to keep me going so I can do what I want and need to do, less as something that I crave or need to think about all the time. Often mealtimes arrive and I find that I have to make myself eat, it would be very easy to skip meals but I am so afraid of halting what is working for me that I eat. It is incredible to me that I can feel like this and I really want for this to be how I feel from now. Always before, doing this has been about getting thin, and this time of course I long for that but it is so much more, it's about feeling differently. It's about not being ruled by anything, about being in control. Heaven knows I want to be in control of something in my life, the rest of it is one big helter skelter of who knows what's going to happen.
I was so worried about Eli today, for a week or two he hasn't been eating, saying his tummy hurts after a couple of bites of food. He has been himself in every other way, happy and busy but just not eating much. This evening he was the same and after a hair cut and a bath, Seth said " Hey, Elijah is actually really fat!" which seems a strange thing to say about Eli, who is anything but fat...but his belly was really distended, hard as a rock and he looked every bit like a little starving baby. Then he has the worst diarrhoea , 2 or three times, his poor little tummy. After that he was as right as rain, he said his tummy didn't hurt anymore and it did look less bulgey. The doctor didn't seem concerned and said that as he was otherwise well to just watch him and see how he is tomorrow. He just seemed so little to be that uncomfortable and I saw just how small we all are in the scheme of things. I really hope this isn't a rotten bug that is about to knock into us all, the timing stinks as much as the poop if it is! On the other hand, I hope it IS just a bug and that Eli is better when he wakes up.
All in all it's been a pretty shitty day all things considered. It's nearly over and I am glad about that!
I shall be at the council offices again as they open on monday and I will be the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, or the rent cheque in this case. I went at 8.30 on monday to make sure that this very thing didn't happen and was assured that it would all be fine, amazing how they can stop the money in a heartbeat but cannot ever seem to rectify the mistakes they make in less than 2 weeks isn't it? Amazing and unbelievably annoying.

Oh and Hoorah...I have such great friends, in 4 days now I will be with them in Boston.

Miracles in our midst.

Elijah has been simply revolting the past few weeks, whether it's because he feels left behind with Seth and Isaac being buddies and liking the same things, it could be that he is cross at being endless told he is a baby and can't play because he gets it wrong, perhaps he is bored, definitely he is naughty.
He has been incredibly destructive, deliberately ripping, breaking, snapping, throwing, destroying everything from toys to curtains, pictures and books. He has taken photos out of frames, broken the frames, ruined the pictures, hung from curtains until the whole rail comes down and in his room, he has actually snapped every little piece that holds the rail to the wall.
He has yelled, kicked, spat, sworn, slammed doors, thrown spectacular tantrums.
He has kicked, punched, punched, slapped and pinched his brothers at every opportunity.
Yesterday was probably the worst day, in fact for the first time in his 5 years, he got a good smack on his bum, 2 even, hard ones, which actually shocked him to the core and insulted his sense of justice the way a time out never could, ( incidentally he did sit in the stairs for 5 minutes after his bum smacks)
The day was long and wearing for all of us.
By bedtime ( which was early because I discovered that he has pulled the curtains in his room down and snapped the supports) I sent him to a Ben 10 wee ( not a Ben 7, a Ben TEN thankyou!) he came back and said
"Oh, it's OK now, I did a wee and I heard Jesus"
"Wow, thank goodness, what did he say? Did he say please be a nice boy because your mummy could go off you really quickly when you are horrible?"
"no, I did a wee and I heard him, he just said ' Try to be a good boy' he just only said that"
"Wow, that's great, you should probably do as He said, in fact you should probably do more than try and actually just BE good"
"OK, I will. Night night"
"Night night, listen to Jesus!"

So far so good, he's been awake and hour and nothing's broken yet......even his spirit is in tact after getting 2 good smacks on his bum ( am so soft compared to when I was raising the big ones, hopelessly suckered into mamby pamby disciplining, not sure it is kind in the long run though)
School starts on wednesday, that 6 weeks flew by, I am not a bit ready in the practical sense for them returning to school, no new clothes hanging in the cupboard, new shiny new shoes sitting by the bed, I am dreading the clothes shopping because I have to take Seth and Isaac with me because they have grown SO much I have no clue what sizes they need.
I am very, VERY ready to send them back in every other way, Seth and Isaac have done really well considering how miserable the weather has been, they have kept busy and happy, Elijah needs to be back at school, playing with people his own age, not mini brainiacs who view his regular 5 year old self as a nuisance. 3 more days to fill. Hoorah!

He is so worth it.

This boy is my joy. I adore him.

I have no idea what these little boys found so funny, the concert hadn't started yet they were just lining up on stage ready to sing.


He is such a little chap next to his friends.



Happy face almost all the time, day in, day out.

Pictures and tales.

So, we're getting there, slowly but surely, settling in, belonging, relaxing, arranging and making our mark, never have I taken so long to make a home my own and yet, it was mine from the moment I stepped through the front door.
Pictures, I took some.....here they are for your close scrutiny and enjoyment.


Look at my heavenly bedroom, all cosy and nearly finished, I put the headboard up at last...only 4 inches too high for goodness sake, never mind, tomorrow is another day. Even so, I walk into this room and my whole being relaxes, I feel immediately safe and ready to sleep. It is warm and soft and H sits on the bed and says things like " Yep, this is a pretty neat room alright" which, really, that is such high praise from H, almost embarrassingly over the top for him.
H walked the boys to school ( oh joy) again today and after I said goodbye and made the boys beds, tidied a bit I went back to bed and woke up at noon. Glory be.

Now, this next picture tells such a happy tale, in that other house, the boys never played upstairs, ever. Not once did they take a toy up there, they went to bed and slept when H sat in their room with them until they fell asleep. So when Elijah had Hannah home to play today and I saw this...


My heart sang a bit, in fact quite beautifully and loudly and even in tune.


My kitchen that gets more lovely as the days go by, more loved and splendid and we are almost able to say that we know where everything goes, although H and I are still quietly having a battle of wills on where the paper towel should live ( not in the cupboard, who wants to root in a cupboard when the 6 year old throws a whole yoghurt over our guest? WHO? Not me, that's who)
In fact so beloved is my kitchen that I am going to post another picture.


Not sure that the fluffy covered hot water botles should live right there on that shelf right by the door but so far it works ( and will soon be warm enough to hide the HWBs until nest winter)
And so as not to leave Seth out, here is the picture I tried to take of his room, he had Lewis ( brother to Hannah and best friend to Seth, which means Seth and Eli both had a friend here today and Isaac, though disliking inviting his own friend, was very grumpy and quite naughty and then he was VERY naughty and threw the yoghurt, which multiplied about 35 times mid air until it hit..Lewis, the table, walls, Lewis again, floor, fireplace and Lewis, again.)
Anyway, Lewis was here and because 2 x seven year old boys together almost always ends in talk of bottoms ( and things like "take a shot of THAT then!" as trousers are threatened to be pulled down and lots of high pitched guffawing ensues) well because of that, I shot this picture, told them to keep their buttocks to themselves and high tailed it out of there, also, I didn't know that 7 year ols boys could smell so sweaty when they were playing basketball, after Isaac had thrown ALL the basketballs over the wall ( yeah have some fun with your buddy NOW!) They retreated to the bedroom to play with the indoor basketball hoop. Pheeeeeoooooooie, pew, had to open a window in there.



That's as far as we are, no more pictures until we have done some more, lovely to be taking our time and doing things at a leisurely pace.
I was so touched by Elijah as he welcomed Hannah into our home, as soon as she was in, he knelt down to take off her shoes, is he not the most divine and mannerly little man? No, he is not, he is a great big flossy , no sooner were the shoes off her feet than they were on his. I heard him say to her " hey lets duss play at drethin' up shall we?" and I nipped THAT in the bud because I KNEW he wanted her school skirt and tights ( of a soft, red woollen, style)
I know, I know, he's four, don't panic, it's a phase, he'll grow out of it, well maybe I should video the walk he does, that'd stop you in your tracks alright, he is a midget drag queen, he is. Also, glorious and only four, we can run with the skirts and sequin attraction for a while longer, though it's getting harder to find cute, mostly.
No news on the girl child, I suppose her phone is dead and needs recharging. No news is good news though, I hope.

What a difference a day makes..... ( part 2 it would seem)

What a day! We DID wake up in time ( 7.30am) for a good breakfast and to get to school on time ( although if I hadn't done so much last night we would have been horribly rushed! )
The boy went to school and even though he had been saying how he didn't want to go to school anymore and staying at home is very good. When we set off he was thrilled, in fact he skipped.



I hated the thought that he would look like a big boy, I know that soon enough he would but I'm not ready, not even close to ready, he looked very little, apart from his ears which I think he will grow into one day. HE ran into the classroom and was just to BUSY having fun to look up, or smile or say goodbye because GO AWAY, only have 3 hours today, must get on, must DO STUFF.



He let daddy help for a moment but then......*sigh* he 'tan do it' easy, numbers, he knows numbers.



And he really can, he knows numbers.




I think school and Eli are going to do very well.
When I picked him up, we went and he had a cake. We walked through town and we went home. Within 3 minutes he was asleep, sitting up.
Before he fell asleep he told me how they don't have snack in his classroom, everyone else does but not his class. Nothin' he doesn't have nothin'.
He has been delicious since we got home, the hussle and bussle didn't suit my boy,he likes it steady as you go, predictable, preferably revolving around him. HE has made us laugh with his sweet disposition lately and the things he says, for instance, at gramma's house last week, ( where he is, quite frankly cock of the walk) he was sitting at the table, waiting for his servant, I mean, auntie Leah to turn on the DVD because she has HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2!!
He has it, because we bought it in the states but it only plays on the laptop and somehow that wasn't the same, he needed the TV, so, waiting and being as patient as a 4 year old can be, Auntie Leah said " Eli, what do we say before we eat our lunch ?" ( meaning bless the food) Eli's reply?
"Hit the play button!"
All ready for bed the other evening we were getting them rounded up and he walked in with a huge plate filled with my Ryvita Rye crackers, some wafer thin ham and a tomato, he must have noticed the look of incredulity on my face because he said " Iss OK! Iss healffy!" Can't really make him put it back when he'd obviously thought it through so well! Also, I just love kids that think for themselves and just get on and do it. Isaac is the same, whereas Seth, oh my goodness, the boy has rubber bones, I swear if he tried to do anything for himself he would just bend into a helpless heap and blame me.
Elijah has rediscovered his groove. The newness of HSM 2 has brought out his swing. I hate to say it but I am a little embarrassed, I know he is littler than a little chap but even so, when he put his hands on his hips, in the middle of town, bent his back backwards and walked with the most pronounced wiggle right along the street I balked. I even told him that maybe he shouldn't walk like that here, because, well.......because but at home? He could walk and dance and wiggle all he wanted. He just does it so WELL and so he is so enormously camp. Dear life.
OK, I just went to you tube and found the song he sings and I can see where the flinging his arms comes from, he also does the arms turning thing and the ...well look for yourself, don't feel you have to watch it all though, I made it through the chorus and then came right back here, where its safe,



He is unique and glorious.( also a little embarrassing in an over the top way for a 4 year old, such stage presence, even in the street!!)

The rest of the day went well too. I went to the County court, the council, the lawyers office, called a lady who deals in housing issues, picked up papers, did more research and felt so powerful because I have already done so many things exactly right. Landlady is in trouble. I can feel a little bit sorry for her because she IS sinking, I know that her business, her houses and her rentals are all falling apart. Who can she blame though? Everything is about money, buy it, chop it about ( badly) to make it into MORE rooms, MORE properties and then fill them. No matter who, no matter how, fill them, take the money and do nothing, don't fix, or check, don't mend or upkeep. All the homes I have seen that she owns are shoddy, even the barn, beautiful as it was and as much as I loved it. The worktops weren't secured, the fridge door falls off, the shower wasn't put in right so it didn't work ( every single house has a shower that leaks, rots the floor and then breaks) the big gates were out on with feeble hinges so they would snap in the wind, no support, the garage doors were the same, one gust of wind literally ripped out 9 inches of wall. She doesn't repair when things break, so they get worse.
She doesn't fix gutters, so the walls get soaked and then damp gets in. She doesn't check the boilers, she has to get them checked when they break and then she ignores the advice when told they are dangerous or faulty.
When floorboards get weak she leaves them when they get damp she leaves them, they rot and it spreads, so instead of one board getting replaced she ends up with a complete floor needing to be replaced, which she can't do so it gets left and then disaster happens. This morning Seth ( 40lbs soaking wet) found it enormously entertaining to jump on the springy floor OUTSIDE the bathroom, so now it has spread way out of the bathroom and along the hallway.
She has somehow had the water drainage fitted so it runs right into the stream outside, that can't be legal can it?
So, much achieved today, more to do tomorrow. My legs ache in a most satisfying yet painful way.

Thankyou Lord.

Every now and again, I will see something that halts time. Just for a second. It will squeeze my heart and my soul will take a picture. Those moments that you want to capture and hold onto and have as yours forever.
This was one of them today.....









Little, still nearly baby legs, in baggy boxer shorts, tinyish feet in loose and droopy socks, on tiptoes waiting for a drink of milk.
My last baby, my last chance to grab these sights that pass too quickly.
These boys laugh at me when ~I exclaim in horror at their getting taller, growing older, losing teeth, discarding nunnies and comforters.
WHAT???? STOP! NO! STOP GROWING! They laugh and stand on tip toes and show me how HUGE they are. And my heart cries a little.
I didn't feel this way with the big kids because my heart knew there would be more. I gloried in the goals and growings of Daniel and Jordan and Sophie ( apart from the day she flatly refused white leather sandals at the age of 7. My heart cried that day because I sing at the sight of little girls in white leather sandals and ankle socks)
This time though, we're done. My baby growing bits are shrivelling as I speak, H's baby giving bits are snipped and safe ( sorry H, TM of your I for the world at large I suspect) No.More.Babies.
I know I will be a Nana and will love every second and I may perhaps ( probably) tell myself that without ME that little dot of perfection wouldn't be here, but I won't e able to look at catch that moment of sheer joy and tell myself that I made that.....look, clever me.
So today I stared at those little legs and feet and hugged the sight to my heart because he is mine. Thankyou Lord.

The boy.

Eli Henry is divine
Eli-Eli-O.
I'm so happy that he's mine
Eli-Eli-O.

Hello left hand, said the right hand..what have you been up to?

I won't bore you with details ( or maybe I will, who can tell, once I start there are times I find it hard to stop, did you know that about me?) all I can say is that here in the UK, the country I love and am so happy to live in, there are different benefits agencies. It would appear that one has no idea what the other is doing. So, having spoken to one ( the one who said that I am no longer eligible for benefits) for several days, and today was told to call another one, it would appear that even though ( and I beg to differ on their decision because I am a scared old bag who shakes at the slightest challenge and although my blog would lull anyone into believing I am a bit confident and brazen, actually I can usually scarcely remember my name, my address is beyond me, ask me where I lived 3 houses but only 9 weeks ago and I say things like " that big house, the one I really liked, you know it was near the post office" ) I am deemed fit and able to work full time, the fact that I am here with a husband who can't go out to work ( although in theory he could, in reality it isn't going to work out that way and we have long accepted that and love having him here doing so much that I cannot imagine having to do myself) and my Isaac who needs extra care, not to mention the other 2, well it would seem that it is understood that I am needed here and the money is not being stopped, nor reduced or changed in any way.
Thankyou Lord and also England.
I sort of felt the last couple of days that people would wonder about H in all this. My answer to that is well, H is H and this is my blog. I don't want to discuss him as if he isn't here ( when he is..right over there eating his rhubarb and apple crumble and custard) and what his issues are are not for discussion. Not here anyway, here he just gets praised and honoured because he is a perfectly splendid man. He wears good hats and slippers ( usually not at the same time) he is my steadying thing.
When I weep and rage and panic and wail, he sits and he waits. He pats arms and he strokes backs, he does dishes and he clears jungles. He says " good job and well done and OK, very good" when I say I am just going here or there or need, or want or have done.
When I have been a snarling bear with the little people who make my ears bleed at times, when my patience has snapped and unravelled, he quietly says things like "hmm, overwhelming tonight, that Eli is a git huh?" and I know it isn't just me but he can manage to hold in his grumpiness until I am in control again.
I used to wish that he was a whizz of a business man , a financial genius who would bring home huge pay cheques and let me spend them. I often wondered where my determination to marry for money the 'next time' had gone and how loud the angels had laughed when my heart sort of tugged in this man's direction. I don't think that way anymore because I see 3 little boys who have a life I could never have imagined, not even in my most dreamiest of dreams.
I see him putting together an 'office' for little boys to sit in and relax.



I hear him reading and bringing magic into little boys' lives every day.
Riches indeed.
That said the 'git' has come back downstairs, I should go and be nice to him because he has been a particularly annoying git today and might be wondering if I am ever going to be nice to him again. Even the goofy smile and puppy eyes don't cut it when he has been a gitlike as he has been today. I do like to send them to sleep feeling that they made it through another day without being sold to the gypsies though, so I shall go over and grit my teeth ( one less in number and gaping hole seems still to be throbbing like the very devil) and be a nice mummy in the hope that he will please go to sleep and stop talking to me because it is 9.45 and I stop liking children at 7pm. Maybe it is time to stop the naps after all. Damn.