It really IS the most wonderful time of the year.

The school holidays flew by, surprisingly as the weather was so appalling and much of the time was spent inside, anyway I never did quite reach that awful pitch where it was all too much and counting down the days until school started. I had no idea how ready I was for them to go back.
They were remarkably calm this morning, I half held my breath as Isaac asked which was his uniform, felt very smug about the fact that I had ready both lovely new trousers ( which are identical to the worn old trousers albeit an inch longer to cover those ankles) and a pair of old trousers, a worn shirt ( because he cannot stand new shirts that haven't been washed at least 50 times) same sweatshirt...all ready, HA! Foiled boy, as soon as you started to cry that THESE trousers are NEW and CANNOT BE WORN! I just gave you the old ones because, well there are some fights that must be fought and others that couldn't matter a bit.
Shoes almost caused a problem, last year he wore his airwalk trainers, until the soles flapped off and there were holes in the heels. He has FIVE other pairs of shoes that he can wear. FIVE but he cried and begged to wear those old airwalk stinkers. I stayed calm and said he could absolutely wear any of the other 5 pairs but those ones were not a choice.
5 minutes later he came out wearing his Sketchers, the red ones, not the brown ones. He talked his way through putting them on and how worried he was and how he wasn't sure they would be OK and maybe and perhaps ...but he put them on and he was happy ( ish)
As time went on I found him sitting on the sofa under a blanket, saying he probably wouldn't be going to school, year 3 was too much and he wouldn't go thankyou.
We ignored him and spoke to Eli about being in year 1 , Seth chatted about his beginning year 4 and then I said " You never were worried about going into Mr W's class were you Seth ?" ( Isaac is going into the class Seth just left) He replied " Nah, I always knew it would be fun" Like magic a little Isaac appeared from under the blanket and he was ready and in the car bang on time ( and he had been counting down the minutes for an hour... "OK....13 minutes now, 7 minutes, FIVE minutes.....are you ready? Are you? We should go right now because 1 more MINUTE!")


So he wasn't about to stand proud and hold his back pack aloft as a sign of greatness and readiness for the adventures about to unfold. But he got in the car.



Is that, or is it not one of the greater sights a mother can behold? I think so!

Look, no screaming, clinging, holding onto door jambs.....





Then he noticed plastic envelopes with reading book records and such inside and if there is anything liable to get Isaac's interest it would be this, was there one with HIS name on? Was HIS packet on the right table ( which he made a B line for and sat firm because THIS was where he was going to be sitting!)


He had to look through 3 boxes on 3 tables before he found his and declared "yep, there's mine, it's on the wrong table though!" I wonder if Mr W moved the envelope of Isaac moved tables....pretty sure I know what the answer to that is!

Elijah was excited and happy to be in his new classroom and scarcely gave me a second look, he got his sticker with his name on, found a peg with his name on, found his friends and that was that!





I realised when I downloaded the pictures that all but one of Seth's have his full name on them, and although I admit to being pretty unworried by internet scary stories, even I have my limits...so here is Seth's one and only internet able picture....



I can't tell you how blissful the day was, all those hours of quiet and calm, being able to tidy and clean and not have someone following me telling tales or making a mess. I had no idea just how ready I was for some of that again!I had forgotten how quickly the evenings go once they get home, play for a while, eat dinner, get ready for bed and go to bed at a reasonable hour ( 8 and 8.30 oh joy!)
I like school, more than I realised.What makes it even better is that THEY love school and came home happy, ready for dinner, eager to play.
Yes, if you ask me, it really IS the most wonderful time of the year.

Miracles in our midst.

Elijah has been simply revolting the past few weeks, whether it's because he feels left behind with Seth and Isaac being buddies and liking the same things, it could be that he is cross at being endless told he is a baby and can't play because he gets it wrong, perhaps he is bored, definitely he is naughty.
He has been incredibly destructive, deliberately ripping, breaking, snapping, throwing, destroying everything from toys to curtains, pictures and books. He has taken photos out of frames, broken the frames, ruined the pictures, hung from curtains until the whole rail comes down and in his room, he has actually snapped every little piece that holds the rail to the wall.
He has yelled, kicked, spat, sworn, slammed doors, thrown spectacular tantrums.
He has kicked, punched, punched, slapped and pinched his brothers at every opportunity.
Yesterday was probably the worst day, in fact for the first time in his 5 years, he got a good smack on his bum, 2 even, hard ones, which actually shocked him to the core and insulted his sense of justice the way a time out never could, ( incidentally he did sit in the stairs for 5 minutes after his bum smacks)
The day was long and wearing for all of us.
By bedtime ( which was early because I discovered that he has pulled the curtains in his room down and snapped the supports) I sent him to a Ben 10 wee ( not a Ben 7, a Ben TEN thankyou!) he came back and said
"Oh, it's OK now, I did a wee and I heard Jesus"
"Wow, thank goodness, what did he say? Did he say please be a nice boy because your mummy could go off you really quickly when you are horrible?"
"no, I did a wee and I heard him, he just said ' Try to be a good boy' he just only said that"
"Wow, that's great, you should probably do as He said, in fact you should probably do more than try and actually just BE good"
"OK, I will. Night night"
"Night night, listen to Jesus!"

So far so good, he's been awake and hour and nothing's broken yet......even his spirit is in tact after getting 2 good smacks on his bum ( am so soft compared to when I was raising the big ones, hopelessly suckered into mamby pamby disciplining, not sure it is kind in the long run though)
School starts on wednesday, that 6 weeks flew by, I am not a bit ready in the practical sense for them returning to school, no new clothes hanging in the cupboard, new shiny new shoes sitting by the bed, I am dreading the clothes shopping because I have to take Seth and Isaac with me because they have grown SO much I have no clue what sizes they need.
I am very, VERY ready to send them back in every other way, Seth and Isaac have done really well considering how miserable the weather has been, they have kept busy and happy, Elijah needs to be back at school, playing with people his own age, not mini brainiacs who view his regular 5 year old self as a nuisance. 3 more days to fill. Hoorah!

All in a day.

We had the parent teacher consultations today. I never know how I feel about these. With Isaac, they seem to be unnecessary as we are in constant contact with his teacher, we make sure we check his reading diary and it takes such a while to get him in the classroom every morning ( get there early so he doesn't have to deal with crowds, put his lunch on the lunch shelf, hang his back pack up, put his reading bag in the right drawer, choose a reading book and sit and read, say goodbye, take him back in again and say goodbye again, peel him off my arm, reassure him that afternoon maths is a OK, he will be fine, P.E is on tuesday and thursday, YES tuesday and thursday, every week, yes. Every week, even this week, P.E is fun, you like P.E, must go back in because the bell has gone and YES I will come and get you at 3.30. PLEASE, go back in. I love you too. Bye, bye.........bye Isaac, well done...bye bye) So you see, what can they tell me that I haven't already picked up? Oh that he takes 40 minutes to write one sentence that is 3 lines long? Cute. HE is writing,hoorah,writing used to be scary thing and we will not do it, 40 minutes to write three lines without any spaces or punctuation? Brilliant, happy me.
Seth.....funny little boy. Quite brilliant. Above average in most things, needs to practise writing his numbers and speeding up a bit. Ever the perfectionist, he is slow and steady and will not rush for anyone, nuh uh, he wants it right and he wants it in his own time. We spoke about the fact that he is by far the youngest in the year, can read beautifully and then Mr teacher said " and then his spelling" to which I replied " ahh, that's another matter" Mr teacher's head shot up and he said " No! Actually he is really good..look" and he showed us a chart with all the kids on it.......we were so busy mentally high fiving and thinking 'NA NA NA NA NA' that neither if us thought to ask how many words they were checked on but there was our boy with the number 136 next to his name, the nearest number to his was 116. Highest in the year, brilliant boy. Genius boy with no front teeth because at LAST they fell out this lunchtime, how cute he looks and sounds with his gappy smile and lispy voice.
And be still my heart, just went in ( 1.30am) because the teeth are under his pillow and the fairies have to come, he is 7, soon fairies? Pah! Kneeling on the floor trying to sweep under the pillow for those teeny tiny teeth.....he stirred and said " They haven't even been yet?"
" Who? The fairies? Tut tut, where did you put the teeth?"
"Under my pillow....."
" Let me see....."
Lifted pillow and he felt the envelope with £2 in.....grabbed it and fell right back to sleep with the biggest grin on his tiny little face. Moments like those are what makes life worth living.
So, good boys both, nice evening except it dragged on so. Out of school at 3.30 Mac Donalds for tea, back to school for a round of basketball, Isaacs appt. at 5.30, Seth's at 6.......time went very slowly I tell you, apart from the eating time because they just about inhaled that and we were in and out in record time just as we wanted to take at least an hour!
The rest of the day was an arse of a day, one of those I am trying not to get used to, bloody hell kind of day that made me weep and hiccup and wail and swear and get absolutely nowhere apart from realising that we are in our own in this housing thing. Boring boring for you all. Worrying for us here. Nothing we can do. Endless red tape and stupid unhelpful people that have made things so much worse for us and then left us hanging.
All I can do is try and shut it all out, try and think of our holiday ( that now is fast becoming something else to worry about as our money is reduced again and again and now we have this big deal that we have committed to so far that we have to carry on, but honestly? Bitten off way more than I can chew on that one, planned and organised when we were living on £750 more a month than we are now.)
I am thinking and planning and trying to come up with a way to make things better and have the holiday back to an exciting thing to think about. More work. My skin flared up again today. Legs, arms, hands all vivid red and itchy and just the last straw really. Give me a break. Please.
I did fall into a coma like sleep on the sofa at some stage this evening, must have been earlyish, woke at 11pm all alone, H had gone to bed, am all stiff where I was lying funny. I do love a good snooze though. Naps are impossible during the week at the moment as School starts at 8.50, Eli is out at 11.30, boys out at 3.30. Not long enough in between the various drop offs, getting home and having to leave for the pick ups, for me to curl up in my glorious bed and sleep. If I take a nap I have to do it properly, PJs on, dark, quiet and leave me alone for 3 hours, anything less and I don't bother trying as it makes me so GRUMPY!
I can't believe that Elijah will be at school, big school, in his uniform, from January. Where did the time go? I think that when he starts school it will be time for a big shake up at home too. I am trying so hard to get past all the things that worry me, I want to be able to take control of our lives and get into a situation where I am in control. I am tired of my whole life being run by faceless people who can make me so miserable.
What can a woman do who has spent 22 years at home raising children? What a CV ( resume) I have to present!! Oh dear. What can a 45 year old nervous wreck do to support a family? I am sure there is someone out there who would love to pay me to enrich their lives, what do you think? Yeah, me too.

Finished, I will mention it no more!

She did touch it, dug it out, suctioned it, packed it with a foul smelling antibiotic paste, gave me more antibiotics and sent me on my way, without making me cry, which was a miracle because I was very close to snot crying at the thought of sitting in that chair. I am convinced I am going to be fine now ( 6 hours since painkillers and am not screaming or even staring at the drugs shelf longingly, yeay!)
Have had a nice roast chicken dinner ( that tasted of metal and vile paste stuff but was good because I have eaten nothing but soft jam sandwiches and chocolate that melts and needs no chewing .. lovely chocolate, never lets you down does it?)
Kids have been back at school for a few days, am beginning to remember why I like school. Early to bed, peace and quiet for hours at a time and also........

emails like this

Helen, can you make it for a lunch date on Friday 14th at 12.30 at the (edited to cross out name so mad internet people don't come and kill us)......(my shout)?I have also asked Julie, Jane, susan and will ask lin .(NOT my shout) ha.love Deb

Do you love that my lunch is being paid for? Splendid. School is very nice, we like it muchly.
Isaac is settling well, in fact I am sort of stunned at how well. He is talking ( has been called a chatterbox even) and seems happy enough when I leave him in the morning. As long as we get there before anyone else so it is quiet, he will find a seat, let me read with him and then allow me to leave without clutching and staring at me with tear filled eyes and heartbreaking silent sobs.
Elijah is a bit clingy, impossible to believe but we seem to have cracked that by saying " right then, Nursery for you and you absolutely must not have any fun, got it? No fun, none at all," to which he replies " Yes I will....I AM going to have fun" and then he does. Marvellous, might be stupid to be encouraging such disobedience but hey ho, go with what works is what I say at this stage.
Oh it is so lovely to be sitting here with no face pain. ~None~ Oh joy please let it last. I am perfectly giddy with exhaustion following these last few days , I am almost as relieved as you must be that it is seemingly over.
Who knows, tomorrow I might even have something to say that makes sense and doesn't mention drugs or violence even. Imagine that!

Just hanging about with Anne.

Isaac wanted so badly to try the stilts.....he picked them up several times but just couldn't quite get himself to step onto them, look at his face can't you see that wishing?

It was sports day today, Isaac was clear in that he wasn't racing, he would be 'hanging about with Anne all day' and that is just what he did.

I love Anne and am always so touched when I see just how much she cares for this little boy of mine. He is very tactile with her, lots of hand holding and hugging, very good to see. He has shone this week, AT LAST they heard him answer the register, loud and clear he said " GOOD AFTERNOON ANNE" all year he has done no more than raise his eyebrows, they say his name and look right at him and he raises his eyebrows to let him know he heard his name. This week, out of the blue...with perhaps 10 school days left, he spoke! Little git, it's almost as though he waits until the very end of the year and then lets them see just what he is capable of, he did this last year in his reception class. How far will he go backwards in September when he starts a new class, without Anne and lovely Mrs H? I suppose we will have to wait and see.

Here he is, with Anne, carrying the water bottles onto the field.

Seth, on the other hand, ran every race, with such vigour and determination and incredible good grace when he didn't win..... for someone so competetive this was his greatest achievment of the day. He loves all things sporty, loves the racing and wants desperately to be the best, to win.
Isaac takes his role as Anne's helper incredibly seriously, he guides and points and shows the other children where they should be and what they should be doing, the remarkable thing is, they let him, they seem to love him and not one of them ever takes umbridge at this child who doesn't actually do any of it himself showing THEM what to do!


Look at my little bean jumping for all he was worth, he actually came 2nd in the sack race, he is quite small but this girlie is very tall! It's only when I see pictures that I notice how little and brown my boys are next to their classmates.

Look how Anne smiles at my boy, she comes to our home and has even been swimming with us on saturdays......no wonder he feels so safe with her. I can't stand it that she won't be his helper next year. this growing up thing is just too tough sometimes.

Back to school......

7.35pm

Seth " When is it bed time?"
Me " oh about 25 minutes"
Seth " but I'm tired now"
H. " Oh no....bedtime is 8pm"
Elijah " But right now I am tired, right now, can I go to bed right now?"
Me " no, it's too early, you have to stay up"
Isaac " but I think I can't, I think my legs won't walk up the stairs I am too tired right now"
Me "oh, OK....shall we let them go to bed or not daddy?"
H. " Oh, OK, just this once.....we'll go right now"
3 boys " YEAY!"

Is that not heaven? How much would you pay to hear that? less than half a story they were out. I love school. I LOVE SCHOOL!



The boy, waiting in the car for the nursery gates to open...



Oh...forgot to tell you, Dan got some awards this week.. He received 'Special of the year' from the police service. He is a special constable with the police where he lives, that means he has all the authority of the regulars but he does the work on his days off and evenings etc. He got 3 other awards but I can't remember what they were for, bad me!
He is about to move into the hotel he works at, this will save him a HUGE amount of money, no more rent, no bills......he's going to be rolling in money for while, I told him to save and put down a deposit on his own home. I am so proud of him, he is just fabulous. Not once, ever, since he was 16 has he ever asked for money, he has never been in trouble, he is so grown up and mature, kind and generous. I so want him to be happy. I think he is, he broke up with Shawn, this time it looks like it may be for real....I hope he can meet someone that appreciates him for everything he is. Shawn hated Dan doing anything, hated him being with the police hated him having friends, hated him being here, talking to us, he just wanted total control of everything Dan did. I hope that this means Dan can really give himself to whatever he chooses, not have to keep compromising and giving up on what he wants to do.