The hills are alive.

Meh.
Don't you just hate that, when you just feel like that? Meh.
What? you want more?
*sigh*.
I am struggling though those few days a month where H becomes insufferable. I would eat the family sized Galaxy bar I hid but it's in the front room, where H is and if I were to go in there I can guarantee he would annoy me, with his sitting and stuff.
I am in Sophie's room, where I told him I would be, away from HIM and his breathing and thinking. He does it on purpose. Every month, no matter how lovely I am, no matter how patient and understanding, thoughtful and funny, he is annoying just to see if he can crack me.
He even cooked dinner this evening, like it's his JOB or something. Like I don't cook great food. Yes, I know, you are so with me, how DARE he? Lemon chicken, with vegetables and white rice. It's not like people didn't eat already today, TWICE. Breakfast and lunch and then when he asked what I was thinking for dinner, he didn't even give me a chance to answer, I only managed a loud sigh and a slam of my laptop lid before he said " Isaac and I can make Lemon chicken if you like." Just like that, as if I COULDN'T make Lemon bloody chicken or something.
I tell you, I think there ought to be a wife of great patience award or something. How I manage to keep my wrath down to a bubbling door slamming level, well it is deserving of recognition, that's all I am saying.
Then, when we ate the Lemon chicken that he made so *perfectly* he did the dishes, specifically to make me feel bad and inadequate. Deliberately.
So I am in Sophie's room, with it's PINK things, it's FRILLY things and girly smell. I am watching a movie I know he would hate and I am so showing him that he can be as annoying as he likes but I am on to him. I am stying in here until he goes to bed because I am pretty sure that he would actually talk to me or something if I went back in *there*. ( although Galaxy, damn, life is hard, wonder if he will go up and check the boys now he has put them to bed, if he did, just to show me what a perfect father he is, I could run in and grab it and eat the whole thing without him knowing and THAT WOULD SO SHOW HIM!)
Meh. Be the bigger person ( which I am incidentally, bigger every time I see myself accidentally in any shop window, mirror or shadow. BIG. Gah.)
I took the boys out today, we were going to fly a kite, like sporty and active people do, we were going to but we left it in the car instead. We climbed a hill though, one even bigger than the one we live on and oh what joy I felt at the bottom of that hill as I watched my little fellows RUN and jump.


I have been to this hill many times, Haytor, which means it is a Tor which is BIG.



I have never felt the way I did today, as I followed my children to the top.
I am fat and although I have been fat before, I am now fat and unfit and Oh my heavens that walk hurt.
Those little mountain goat children of mine ran up the hill and then they ran back and stood by me as I stopped to enjoy the beautiful view, half way up is like being in some sort of haven, the absolute silence, if only it were possible to bottle that feeling, that closeness to all things splendid and greater that me.


And gasp some breath back into my screaming lungs.

They ran up again and came back while I stopped to enjoy the heather...


and let my poor, poor calf muscles unknot. I would try really hard to speak properly as I said
" Oh look how beautiful this is"

They got bored of coming back to see me and promised they wouldn't climb the rocks until I caught up.
I almost wept because I HAD to get to the top, I couldn't say " LOOK! Um, something more FUN
at the bottom!" they were at the top and I had to keep.walking.with.my.poor. dying. body.
HOORAY! There I was and oh the glorious, heavenly breeze. The blessed stable rocks to sit on.
"Off you go! I said and then watched as they bounded up the craggy rocks. I lost sight of Isaac for a moment and then I heard him " MUM! I am HERE!"



( where the car was, all that way down there!)


Wild Ponies.

When we walked back down, I had to stop myself laughing because my legs were like Jelly and the relief was so enormous as the car came back into sight.
If I were to walk that once a day I think I would either die or get very fit quite quickly.
Not sure it's worth the risk of putting it to the test. Or is it?

H is going camping tomorrow, with the youth from church, now, don't get my wrong, I love H, I just challenge anyone to spend all day, every day and every evening together and still really like each other, all the time.
I am really looking forward to missing him. When I go away, he enjoys missing me.
I don't envy him the camping thing, who thought that up anyway? I hear people do that stuff for FUN! Sleeping in fields on the hard ground and tramping across grass to have a wee! FUN!
Call me hard to please, picky if you will but if I am leaving home, I like it to be because I am going somewhere even better, BIGGER bed, softer mattress, afore mentioned beds made for me when I leave the room..that's FUN!
I daren't even check the weather forecast because I would cry for him if it is going to rain, as if all that wasn't bad enough, he is going with a load of teenagers. Boys though, so it could be worse and it's only for one night ( he keeps telling me that, just one night, only one night, will be home on wednesday. Not late wednesday) I shall make him a lovely dinner on wednesday to help him recover from the trauma of it all.
I am such a great wife, aren't I?