The search for ???

Sometimes I seem as if I am hovering above reality trying to work it all out! I never cease to be amazed at the speed of peoples' lives and the endless quest for.....what? I have noticed that the least happy people are those who are in a never ending search for it. It appears that for some the prime goal in life is to find that one person, or one 'thing' that will make them happy. How exhausting and how sad not to know that almost always the ingredients for absolute joy are right where we happen to be. Also, that it is actually just up to US to make our happiness and we then find that other people can share in it and perhaps increase it.
I mentioned before about my near obsession for the house next door, I find myself holding my breath if it seems there could be a buyer, never mind a buyer, even if someone looks around it ( and happily for my covetous self, only one person has ever viewed it with my knowledge) I gaze at it, I look it up on the estate agents website and I dream. Until today; I came home from the school run and saw my husband and my littlest boy working hard on a fence to trap afore mentioned littlest boy in the perfectly adequate back garden and stop him carreering off down the road like a jack rabbit the very second my attention is drawn elsewhere.
Off on a tangent for a minute...last week I chased the 22 month old houdini ( who was being chased by the 3 year old accomplice) back up the road and into the garden, I was then approached by my neighbour who, probably in his late 70's, owns 3 old mercedes cars that he spends a huge amount of time rearranging in his drive,
" Ah....hello" said he with pipe gripped tightly between his teeth " Glad you caught the jack rabbits, ( yes that's where I got the description from) my goodness they rip orf down that road with the wind behind them don't they? I say....I worry that I shall one day just feel a bump as I reverse out my drive, I shouldn't be able to see them you see, you understand that do you? such little fellows" ( I so wish I could somehow share with you just how grand the old fellow's accent is, gravelly of course but couldn't be more black and white filmish if it tried, I just know he uses words like Cad and Dash)
Well I agreed and hoped to point out that on many occassion I am to be seen charging orf down the road after the little fellows but try as I might I can't ( as yet) keep the buggers in the garden.
" Ah, now then, I wonder....I have one of those old clothes lines you know, go round in circles..rotary that's the one, one of those and a couple of those dog leads that get longer, you know the ones..that's right, how about it? Just say the word!" ( fab idea, just not sure I'd get away with it)
So, today I saw the fence being built and the garden is looking a bit, actually a lot, 'lush' as Sophie would say, beautiful as I would say. The inside isn't bad, and is getting better slowly, as I begin to believe we might actually live here long enough to make it feel like ours. PING!! Penny dropped / switch flipped.....what is wrong with me? Why not make where I AM the place I dream about?



Short of a lottery win, a relative I don't know about dying and leaving a stash of cash to me ( would have to be one I don't know about because the ones I DO know don't have a pot to piddle in either ) or a mystery benefactor feeling pity and sending me the keys...next door isn't ever going to be mine. This house, though not mine, is my home, we live here and probably will for some time so why, in the name of all thats mortageable, am I wasting energy and emotion hankering after the unobtainable?
I have decorated our one and only toilet ( next door's got THREE!) and made it pretty pleasant to sit down in ( apart from the pine toilet seat, that replaced the see through dolphin and seashell one, that matched the badly ragged, blue walls, without fail, even if I sit down very,very carefully and make every effort to get my substantial bottom smack bang central, that sucker clunks hard to the left, no amount of tightening works, I find myself holding my breath as I lower myself down and sure enough within seconds "clunk...WHOOOP..stupid thing!" will be heard. Apart from that though, it's very pleasant and I have the ability to work the same kind of wonders on the rest of the house, so I am going to do just that. If Sod's law comes into force and we find that just as we get it perfect we have to move, then so what ? We'll start all over again won't we?!
I'm seeing what's under my nose.....now let's see if I can make it smell like roses.