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Of all the things I miss the most....
....and you know the rest.
I am seriously losing what little worthwhile mind I had left, much of my working grey matter was sucked from me by my offspring, in utero, as well as my beauty, they snagged my memory and intelligence and have left me with little beauty and it would appear, no mind worth having.
I forget where I live on a regular basis, when asked, on a good day I will mumble "up that hill" on a bad day I will stutter and sweat and say .." oh, um, hmmmmm..."
I know where I live because I have auto pilot in my car and somehow I end up back there when I have been shopping and bought all the things I don't need, forgotten everything I DO need and left my bank card with the kind lady on the till, or in the bank machine or anywhere but in my purse where it should be.
Ha! I came up with a cunning plan, don't take the card with you unless you know for sure you will need it. Tired of never being quite sure how much I have spent, or when I spent it, or where I spent it, weary of remembering too late that I DID spend it and then having rent or cheques ( don't you think the English spelling of cheque is sort of grand looking? I like that) Boing boinging all over the place and then being charged for the embarrassment of said bouncing of stuff that really should be paid on the right day, I decided, only yesterday, that I would put my card in my lock box ( yes I have one now, great thing, I have seen that now my money is locked up it doesn't get lost, (it never got stolen because no-one ever took it, who would do such a thing?)so, in went the card with my hidden stash of cash for important things that I will probably forget to buy when I go shopping next, enough cash to buy the things I don't need for the day and off we go.
Lovely day following bear tracks and catching crocodiles at Stover country park, swans and ducks fed, bridges stomped over, pooh sticks thrown in rivers and home again, home again jiggedy jig.
" what shall we have for dinner ? How about Thai green curry? Mmmmmm, yum, better get some coconut milk then"
Leave kids and H in car while rush around Tescos and pick up coconut milk, better get rice too, actually, I'll get 3 bags of rice as we use such a lot, oooh soy sauce is on sale AND toilet paper,hmmmmm might not have enough money I'll maybe have to pay for this with my card.
OH NO! No card, I've lost my card! Oh no, bank holiday on monday, busy tomorrow morning, better get right to the bank now and tell them I lost my card, hate losing card, always losing card, damn. AM stupid stupid woman, why can't I hold onto that card?
Ahhhh is OK. bank is still open, H and boys left in car while I run in and tell them I lost my card, actually think I left it IN bank yesterday when I paid in some money....yes I KNOW I left it in bank, phew they will have it, won't have to cancel and wait days and days for new one.
Explained to helpful lady about card and she went in search of it, SHE FOUND IT..phew phew....do quick balance....shit. machine swallowed card. STUPID MACHINE!! Lady says that in that case card must be cancelled and new one ordered..10 days til new one will arrive due to bank holiday on monday ( which is only one day, normally 5 days to wait, so no idea why the wait is doubled but who cares really?)
Somehow, not sure why this whole fiasco made me burst into ridiculous tears the miinute I got into the car, poor H, he is just about able to cope with reasonable and explicable floods of weeping but sudden snot cries of " I am so TIRED, I am so STUPID, I used to not forget things didn't I? ( very wise silence from H here ) I know I laugh about forgetting where I live but actually it is really very alarming when it happens" I love H....he so obviously loves stupid and forgetful me and says he won't mind a bit if things get so bad I call him "thingy" and he will quite enjoy eating fish fingers boiled in grape juice should that ever happen, he even says he will cut my toenails if I can't be trusted with scissors, which is a sign of true love because I know I won't ever be able to make myself cut his. A reassuring pat on the back and sent for a lovely nap when we get home.
Just put this money in my lock box first..... HA HA HA HA HA....."LOOK H! it's my BANK CARD! How did it get in here? And what did they give me at the bank that was swallowed so immediately and finally at the ATM?!?" How bizarre? How did that card get in there?
PING!!! Light on, glimmer of memory ( after all it was a good 18 hours ago that I put the bloody thing in there) Oh I am so mad that it isn't sad anymore. It is incredibly and hysterically funny, blogworthy even, wouldn't you say?
I have just had a call from Paul at the bank to say that the card they found and gave me was one I lost in April ( a huge and impressive 4 months ago and there was I thinking I lost them all the time!!) but not to worry as the card that really IS lost has been cancelled and a new one ordered. I thought he deserved, as he was so sweet, to know that my card was safe and well in the bosom of my lock box, where I had put it so I wouldn't lose it, it did make his day but not as much as telling me that no matter how safe it may be it is actually totally useless!
I am seriously losing what little worthwhile mind I had left, much of my working grey matter was sucked from me by my offspring, in utero, as well as my beauty, they snagged my memory and intelligence and have left me with little beauty and it would appear, no mind worth having.
I forget where I live on a regular basis, when asked, on a good day I will mumble "up that hill" on a bad day I will stutter and sweat and say .." oh, um, hmmmmm..."
I know where I live because I have auto pilot in my car and somehow I end up back there when I have been shopping and bought all the things I don't need, forgotten everything I DO need and left my bank card with the kind lady on the till, or in the bank machine or anywhere but in my purse where it should be.
Ha! I came up with a cunning plan, don't take the card with you unless you know for sure you will need it. Tired of never being quite sure how much I have spent, or when I spent it, or where I spent it, weary of remembering too late that I DID spend it and then having rent or cheques ( don't you think the English spelling of cheque is sort of grand looking? I like that) Boing boinging all over the place and then being charged for the embarrassment of said bouncing of stuff that really should be paid on the right day, I decided, only yesterday, that I would put my card in my lock box ( yes I have one now, great thing, I have seen that now my money is locked up it doesn't get lost, (it never got stolen because no-one ever took it, who would do such a thing?)so, in went the card with my hidden stash of cash for important things that I will probably forget to buy when I go shopping next, enough cash to buy the things I don't need for the day and off we go.
Lovely day following bear tracks and catching crocodiles at Stover country park, swans and ducks fed, bridges stomped over, pooh sticks thrown in rivers and home again, home again jiggedy jig.
" what shall we have for dinner ? How about Thai green curry? Mmmmmm, yum, better get some coconut milk then"
Leave kids and H in car while rush around Tescos and pick up coconut milk, better get rice too, actually, I'll get 3 bags of rice as we use such a lot, oooh soy sauce is on sale AND toilet paper,hmmmmm might not have enough money I'll maybe have to pay for this with my card.
OH NO! No card, I've lost my card! Oh no, bank holiday on monday, busy tomorrow morning, better get right to the bank now and tell them I lost my card, hate losing card, always losing card, damn. AM stupid stupid woman, why can't I hold onto that card?
Ahhhh is OK. bank is still open, H and boys left in car while I run in and tell them I lost my card, actually think I left it IN bank yesterday when I paid in some money....yes I KNOW I left it in bank, phew they will have it, won't have to cancel and wait days and days for new one.
Explained to helpful lady about card and she went in search of it, SHE FOUND IT..phew phew....do quick balance....shit. machine swallowed card. STUPID MACHINE!! Lady says that in that case card must be cancelled and new one ordered..10 days til new one will arrive due to bank holiday on monday ( which is only one day, normally 5 days to wait, so no idea why the wait is doubled but who cares really?)
Somehow, not sure why this whole fiasco made me burst into ridiculous tears the miinute I got into the car, poor H, he is just about able to cope with reasonable and explicable floods of weeping but sudden snot cries of " I am so TIRED, I am so STUPID, I used to not forget things didn't I? ( very wise silence from H here ) I know I laugh about forgetting where I live but actually it is really very alarming when it happens" I love H....he so obviously loves stupid and forgetful me and says he won't mind a bit if things get so bad I call him "thingy" and he will quite enjoy eating fish fingers boiled in grape juice should that ever happen, he even says he will cut my toenails if I can't be trusted with scissors, which is a sign of true love because I know I won't ever be able to make myself cut his. A reassuring pat on the back and sent for a lovely nap when we get home.
Just put this money in my lock box first..... HA HA HA HA HA....."LOOK H! it's my BANK CARD! How did it get in here? And what did they give me at the bank that was swallowed so immediately and finally at the ATM?!?" How bizarre? How did that card get in there?
PING!!! Light on, glimmer of memory ( after all it was a good 18 hours ago that I put the bloody thing in there) Oh I am so mad that it isn't sad anymore. It is incredibly and hysterically funny, blogworthy even, wouldn't you say?
I have just had a call from Paul at the bank to say that the card they found and gave me was one I lost in April ( a huge and impressive 4 months ago and there was I thinking I lost them all the time!!) but not to worry as the card that really IS lost has been cancelled and a new one ordered. I thought he deserved, as he was so sweet, to know that my card was safe and well in the bosom of my lock box, where I had put it so I wouldn't lose it, it did make his day but not as much as telling me that no matter how safe it may be it is actually totally useless!
posted by The other me | 3:42 pm
5 Comments:
Oh yay! I'm not alone in being forgetful! It seems lately Helen, I forget everything. I too believe I am going mad! :( It is so frustrating. My sister tells me (she has advice for everything) ;) that I have so much to remember, I just can't remember it all. So, I'm going with that!
Take care and know you are not alone. :)
Julie
Helen you are NOT alone. I lose my wallet and keys on a near daily basis - to the point where if I tell my husband I've lost my wallet with all our credit cards and health cards etc he doesn't skip a beat or worry, as it will inevitably turn up on top of the fridge, or in the freezer or in cupboard above the washing machine, or whereever I happened to have absentmindedly put it and promptly forgotten it. Once I lost my keys and fretted about them for hours before finding them in my pocket. DOH.
-jenn
Gunther keeps telling me I need an alarm on my glasses.. they end up in the very strangest of places :(
Hugs
Julie
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
That is NOTHING Helen. Rest assured that I did a much worse thing at work last week. I offered to change the batteries in a patients hearing aid while they were waiting to see a Dr (in A&E) and lost the hearing aid -eventually, after quite some time, I found it in the used sharps bin with the old batteries that i should have been disposing of in the used batteries bin so had to use a pair of long nosed forceps to remove it. By the time I had retraced my steps and found the blinkin hearing aid in the flamin sharps bin, cleaned it and finally changed the batteries, he had seen the doctor(using sign language I expect) and was sitting patiently in the waiting area in the hope that the stupid air head nurse would track him down and return at some point with his hearing aid. What kind of a pratt did I feel? Lets get together soon and reunite our girlies. XXX
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