The journey begins. ( again!)

So, today began the journey to the fitter and slimmer me. Again. Like many before me I have lost and gained and relost and regained weight ,Who knows the reason? Ask a skinny person when they eat and they will say when they are hungry, ask any big person and they will say when they are happy, sad, angry, excited, worried...any time but when they are hungry, hunger is an alien feeling to most overweight people.
I wish I could recognise and pinpoint the cause of my determination, why is it that almost every day of my life I long to eat well, wish I didn't eat the wrong foods or too much of the right foods....but still do it. Then at times I suddenly feel that enough is enough and there is the absolute will power and determination to help myself. I'm so glad this happens because at least there is a limit to the size I become. I see people who never grasp this feeling of stopping the destruction and my heart cries for them. How awful to just never be able to stop, never like yourself enough to just put the brakes on for a while.
My downfall is that the feelings don't last. Somehow, for some reason eventually I fall off track...that's why I am going to go for this option of medicine to help. I have 2 weeks to get on a great programme that will be good for me, will help me lose weight and feel ( and look) better. I can do two weeks, actually I am sure I can do much longer. After 2 weeks I can get the meds, if I stick to the healthy eating, I won't get the side effects, I will lose weight and will have the bonus of the fat not being stored in my body. If I cheat, I'll be ill. After 3 months I will be evaluated again, if I have responded well to the medicine I get another 3 months, after that another 6 months. The plan is for a year. Research has shown that after a year very, very few people on this plan regain the weight because they have retrained their minds and bodies to eat well. That's what I need. I need help to stick with it until I like myself enough to believe I deserve to look and feel good.
I am so inspired by Julie and Laurie...they are doing SO beautifully and to read how great they feel about what they are doing has to make us all want a piece of that feel good!
I have these little boys who are so bursting with energy and even though I am overweight I can keep up....but I want that to continue. More than that is the need to fight the sadness. I just hate feeling so at odds with who I am, it's so unhealthy to dislike who you are. When responsible for children it is a worrying place to be, it must reflect in how you behave around them. I know it does.
So day one has been good, one day at a time is the way forward I think.