Always room at the Inn.

We have a houseguest for a while, sweet and ditzy Danielle who has nowhere else for a while, she is a friend of Sophie's who we haven't seen for too long.
She hasn't spoken to her mum for over 6 months and that makes me so sad, for her and her mum.
Life is so short and families are so precious, teenagers are notoriously difficult and one of mine has certainly pushed me to the very limits, so far I have been able to see that it's true, whatever they do....they usually stop.
I see with Sophie that almost always, when she is difficult, it is because she feels out of control, when I do something to help her see and feel that she DOES have control and does have choices ( just not always the ones she wants!) she is better and feels better. Being a good parent is tougher the older they get, the time when they are old enough to think they know it all but too young to understand that will never know it all is the most difficult.
The years when they feel invinsible are the most frightening, when they are so sure that the dark alleys they walk down at midnight are safe ones, when the alcohol they drink is the fun stuff, the non addictive stuff
When they think that telling you where they are and when they will be home makes them babies and uncool, not sensible and courteous, these are the hardest times as a parent.
What can you do? Old enough to leave school, work, drive, get married.......but just not old enough to think, not properly or rationally. Physically strong enough to do pretty much all they choose to do but emotionally? Hopeless for the most part. The strongest part of these young people seems to be their sense of justice, not for the world but for themselves, everything is centered around how they feel and what they want and where they want to be. It is quite simply a daily battle of wills and an endless effort on the grownups part to just be calm.
BE CALM.
Whatever happens, keep your cool . HaDeHa how simple that looks written down. It is worthy of great recognition when a parent keeps cool when smack bang in the middle of a teen time. Toddler tantrums? Merely practise for when it really matters.
Unreasonable demands? You ain't seen nothing that a 3 year old can throw at you that will come anything close to what a 15 year old will ask for, plead for, scream for, yell about.......
It's the easiest thing in the world to dislike these people you sort of believe you must have given birth to, chosen to raise, because hell, if this wasn't something you chose to do, you have to get your head read to keep doing it now, the fun times are few and far between! When the fun happens it is so heart leapingly great it helps to muddle you through the rest.
I sat with Jordan and Sophie last night til 1.30 and just listened to them swap ring tones and watch each others cell phone movies. It was a joy, so simple and so loving. Reward indeed for the times when they seemed unable to be in the same room without spitting and hissing in rage at each other.
Teenagers, help.
Now we are almost at the other side, now Jordan's acne is gone, now Sophie is no longer so angry for just being, the whole thing seems as though it was momentary. At the time....endless...would it ever be over? Would I ever look at this girl and not want to cry with frustration? The answer, hooray and hip hip etc is YES.
I am so glad that so far my teenagers and I have won the battles we have faced...I still have 3 little boys who will be teenagers when I am much older, my hope is that H and I are so laid back and able to see how they get through it, grow out of it, learn from it, that we are great parents to the next batch of teenagers we live with. Bless.
Nature is marvellous, it tells us that our children, these sweet little cutenesses will never be spotty oiks who answer back and lie to us. Believe that while you may, the sweetest of blond people who hang on your every word and follow you around with adoration in their eyes? Monsters. Walking hormones with dyed hair, big mouths and attitude, honestly, sad but true.
They grow out of it though and get to be nice again...and then they leave home. Typical.