Well, that was fun.

First day back at school, I thought I would drive them, H usually walks them to school but It's tough for Isaac when they have been away from school for any amount of time.
It was horrendous! Seth was fine until Isaac lost it ..then he joined in and started weeping.
Isaac is heart breaking, you know when you see kids not wanting to go in somewhere, they scream and fight and hold onto the door frame etc? He does that without making a sound, not even a squeak, just torrents of tears silently pouring down his face and the most heart rending pleading look on his face. He roots his feet and hangs onto the doorway and he just won't move.
Nothing cheers him, to make it worse he forgot his hat, his hiding tool, if he has a hat on I suppose he feels he is hidden from it all. No hat, just a hand held over his head and tears, silent tears.
What must it be like to feel that fear over and over again? To work through it, get safe, feel comfortable and then have to go through it all again everytime there has been a break?
It never gets easier being tough about it either. Picking him up and just making him go in, handing him over to his lovely teacher. Walking away as if it doesn't wrench my insides out.
He wanted me to take his hat and I said I would...the thing is, if I do that, he'll cling again and cry again. I feel sick not doing what I said, maybe I will drop it into the office ready for lunch time.

Dan is having a rough time too, he went to work on monday and was told that instead of the 2 weeks he was told,the restaurant is closing for SEVEN MONTHS.....so now he has to try and find a job to fill those months, he has a flat, credit card, bills and insurances to pay etc. He isn't here for his promised 2 weeks because he is in such a panic about finding work for those months.
No matter how old they get they still call home for reassurance, I'm sure he won't need too much of that though as he has worked since he was 16, maybe 2 weeks without a job in the whole of that time. I bet he calls in a day or two to say he has it covered.

Ha, the other thing they don't grow out of is trying to get their own way. I have been very clear in saying that he is NOT to have girlfriends sleep over, maybe I am old fashioned but hey, live with it. I would not allow Sophie to have boys sleep over, one rule for all. He keeps sneaking around that rule so I had to be VERY clear. Last night he said " *Sigh*, probably won't be going out with Mel for long" ( Oh and this is a new girl, not the one with a baby, that lasted a week)
"Oh dear, Jords, why's that"
" Nowhere to go"
"Well, you can come here with her, she just can't sleep here, you can take her out, have fun, go to dinner, whatever, just not sleep with her here."
"Why can't she stay here though?"
"Because I said so, because I am not going to allow anything that I don't want and that Sophie will then decide she wants to do too. Why can't you stay at her house?"
"Her parents don't want it either and anyway their house is too small, they fight all the time and I don't want to be around that."
It doesn't get easier being tough.
It sort of surprises me how kids these days ( am not old, am not!) really want it all on a plate, made easy, their way.
I am 44, not ancient, it doesn't feel so long ago that I had boyfriends. It would never have occurred to me to even think about having any casual boyfriend stay over, if he had, it would have been on the sofa. When I was engaged to the first one he stayed on the sofa, once, I think.
To me, part of the thrill of being young is NOT having it all, having to work at being together, sneaking time with each other, looking forward to when you CAN be together all the time. What fun is there in meeting someone and just right away having it all? I am determined that my children enjoy the fun of not having it all!! Especially in my house thankyou very much.
Sometimes it's sort of fun being tough!