Let's not add that one to the list, thankyouverymuch.

So, I went all the way to the doctor today, next door but one. I showed her my arms and she stroked them with lovely cool hands and said 'ohhhhhhhhhhh.'
I love my doctor. She looked up all kinds of different things to find the very best and gave me a script for extra antihistamines and some cream that will soothe and stop that itch, I took it right to the chemist who said that it would be ready in 5 minutes. I am so important and have such a full and busy life that I felt 5 minutes was a bit long and decided to go about my business and collect the magic cream and pills on the way back, when I would have to walk right past the chemist door.
So, I will go back and get them tomorrow then.
Stupid head, can't keep a darn thing but worry in it for longer than 28 seconds.
She then gave my bosom, left one, a much needed and very thorough examination because darned if it hasn't been hurting like a very hurting thing for days. I have checked it and poked it and there definitely isn't a lump or anything but it HURTS so much. So, she looked and poked and checked and then she said
" so, you're not pregnant are you?"
" Ha! OH NO! "
"Sterilised?"
" Not me, but H, snipped, 3 years ago, phew, hoorah"
"and he had samples checked and it worked?"
"Well, actually, no. But 3 years, no baby..it worked right?"
"................................................................................................."

Can you imagine????? Look, I have a check list of things that only happen to other people, that have happened to me. We'll leave that one for someone else's dinner party telling shall we? ~YES we WILL!

We decided between us, that my poor boob is probably bruised from the endless elbowing it gets from little boys who all want to sit with me, when its nearly bedtime, they shuffle next to me and then they endlessly hoike themselves up with their elbows, in my left boob. When I go back in 2 weeks for a check on my blood pressure we will discuss my bosom again, bless it. Actually she was impressed with my boobies, even asked where the scars were, hey there I was thinking they were terrible scars too. Yeay boobs.

We had 2 sets of people look over the house today. I absolutely have to get over this, if I don't I am going to end up either dead or sicker than sick. Get over it for heavens sake. It is not the end of the world.
I worked out that what my problem is is that I can and do get through anything of I know the details. Tell me when and how and where and I'll roll up my sleeves and get on with it. The hardest thing for me is seeing how full steam this house sale is going on, people want to see it and view it and probably buy it, regardless of how we feel , it is happening and all we can do is let it.
While we are letting it happen, what we are doing is floundering. Packing and letting go and not having anything positive to grasp onto, just a pile of hopes and prayers and more hopes. Crumble.
I know that much more terrible things are happening in the world but in my world, right now, because of the past..this is bad for me. My security is being snatched away. Helpless me. My safety is being taken. Frightened me.
My boys look to me and with absolute trust and faith know that I will make it OK, they are asking when we are moving and where we will live and what it will be like and I am chirpy and tell them that right now I don't know, but it will be exciting and new and we will have a lovely new house, like grandma and Jordan and Daniel. They believe me. Convincing me.
H is doing what H does best, he is waiting, because he knows that it will be, however it will be and when he knows something, he'll know what to do. Couldn't you just smack him?? I can't imagine being so controlled that I was able to simply not think about something unless there was something I could do about it. Imagine.
I am gloriously weary this evening, American Idol is nearly over, I do believe I shall have a nice sleep tonight. I love sleep, I love getting into bed and curling up with a book and feeling my whole being relax, my favourite feeling. Sleep.