Because....

I love you and if I don't do it now I will forget or just think "gah! Who cares anyway" Here is a pictorial jumble of the last few days that are a jumble, in the very real sense. Is it really just 5 days? Were we ever in England? Am I as weary as the very weariest person but happy in a holiday and carefree type way? Yes. To all the above.
so, here we go....

On the plane, we had these....



Touch screen things on the seats in front of us which was like giving Isaac a 6 inch square piece of heaven, and the woman in the chair on front 11 hours of sheer torture, I had 11 hours of watching heaven and hell combine, Isaac in a computerised glaze of screen thumping and touching and on, off, on, off, change channels, off, on, off, on, tray up, tray down, woman's head bob bobbing with every thump and clatter, I spent 11 hours trying to get him to understand that the ladies head was going to fall off, if it didn't sponteaneaously combust with the utter irritation of it all. He was too far gone with his must do it-ness.
Eli sat next to me, he was the milder version of Isaac, what can I say, little boys and gadgets, strapped into a seat for 11 hours, sometimes you have to go with the flow and give sincere prayers of thanks that the return flight is a night-time one, sweet joy.


The pool outside our room


Hot tub with family mine in it



Beautiful oasis outside our room.



Eli outside our room, he has been a little boy lost so far....quiet and subdued and sort of longing to go home, but not grandpa's home because there are 3 dogs, savage ones that will eat him for sure...he is very afraid of these dogs that would lick you to death, all 3 together probably weighing about 12lbs, it is very wearing for us and terrifying for him and I think none of us are allowing ourselves to think about the 10 days we will be sleeping there.




Sleeping boys in comfortable beds, heavenly comfy beds...



H has a son, R, from his first marriage. He is 21 and used to be the most exasperating and unpredictable child. He was loud, in your face, demanding, risk taking and he drove me to near distraction for 4 years. He was involved with drugs from a very young age and the result of this is that now he is diagnosed as paranoid schitzophrenic, he has also been diagnosed with Autism. I suspect that he had aspregers, now we know more about it I can think back and nod my head. Now though, he appears to be a full blown autistic, with staring and panics, with no eye contact at all with anyone. He is a shell of a young man. The mouthy, loud child I knew is now a shaking, eyes down, shoulder slumped shell. Terrified of everything and everyone, food terrifies him, fish causes cancer, Meat is evil, wheat must be avoided at all cost.
He walks with his head down, far down and looks up through his eyebrows, how he does that is beyond me, I tried it for 20 seconds and it made me feel as though my eyeballs would pop.
Elijah looks exactly like R when he was little and I asked R if I could take his picture with Eli. The very thought terrified him because for him to allow his picture, therefore himself to be trapped in a machine..well you can imagine.
He used to be fashion conscious, insisting on baggy pants, skate shoes, huge shirts etc.


We saw this 21 one year, male version of a stepford wife, chino pants, white shirt, zip up jacket, and his hair, once spiked and gelled to rock hard stiffness, is now short, parted on the side and combed flat, to within an inch of it's life, almost painfully combed.

I think our hearts broke a bit today. We are meant to be driving down to visit with him, instead he turned up unannounced yesterday. He threw everyone out of sinc because he has been such a problem, as he spiralled into this nightmare he pretty much wrecked grandpa's house, cutting wires in the computers, cutting phone lines, disappearing for weeks on end, giving away televisions etc. Here he was, with bags of drugs ( prescription ones thankfully!) and no-one knew what to do, what was done was a whole load of panic yelling and people running around with their gobs open, not getting anything done. Eventually Rob slept at grandpa's house, went running this morning, came out us this afternoon and then we put him back on a bus for a 12 hour ride home.
While he was here he shook a lot, he stared at floors and windows, he hid in corners, rocked backwards and forwards and he made us all wish things were different.
I think what has happened to his brain is permanant, he is registered disabled and although he goes to school, I cannot imagine how life will pan out for him.
He was quiet and polite and so terrified of everything ( whilst out for dinner last evening, someone knocked over a pile of boxes, he jumped and yelled " she's THROWING THINGS she's THROWING things") with his head in his hands. He can't stand being around anyone, whereas he used to drive us all insane with his need to be RIGHT THERE in our faces.
I wonder if his heart has been broken, along with his soul, he has been let down by us all and I am sure that had the adults in his life done things differently, he would have a different tale to tell. we will never know though. I had his pictures on here, until I thought about how awful that would be for him, if he knew for a second that his name of picture were on the internet ( which is the epitome of terror and evil to him) he would freak and never feel safe again, so they are gone.


Seth though, is having the very best time of all....can you tell?



Hoorah.
I forgot how I get sore throats over here, I was plagued by strep throat while i lived here and darn it all if I don't have a pus filled tonsil area and lumpy glands again. I bought some magical spray though that I love and would do commercials for. It works, Cloroseptic cherry flavour ..magic.
Too tired to say anymore....was asleep by 8.30 last night, no kidding, all of us asleep, lights out, night night. 10pm now, dirty stop up!