Friends.

How do people manage without friends I wonder? H doesn't really have friends, well he actually doesn't have friends. He did have great friends as he grew up, he still is fond of those people he just doesn't need to have friends the way I do.
I am a loyal and unfickle person. When I like you, I like you. It might take a while for me to like you but once I do, it's almost impossible to stop me liking you.
I even have fond feelings for the first one. I loved him, it went terribly wrong and he has proven to be a huge disappointment to me and my children, but still, there's a little bit of me that finds him endearing, enough that my littlest finger nail could be painted with it but not much more.
I remember my very first friend in my world, Judith F. We loved each other when we were 7, we lived a few doors away from each other and had to spend every waking moment together and at weekends we stayed at each others' homes. I felt a bit posh when I stayed at her house because at her house, her mum made us breakfast and we just sat there and ate buttered toast, by the fire. In our house you got your own breakfast for heavens sake.....Judith F had bright red hot pants with a butterfly on one leg and her mum bought all her shoes from the Co-op because you got green shield stamps. Judith was the only girl with 2 brothers who were SO OLD and one was in the merchant navy and the other was in the army, the brother in the army was killed by the I.R.A.
Judith's mum never got over that, well you wouldn't would you.
I am like Judith's mum because I would look at her and think that she was more like a Nana than a mum because she had these grown up, hugely tall men kids that would laugh at her if she scolded them. I wonder if my little boys friends look at us the way I looked at Judith's mum.
When I was 10 we moved away and I never saw Judith again but if I saw her now I would still love her and ask how her how she managed without me, I didn't manage without Judith very well for quite a long time.
After Judith, when we moved, Teresa was my friend and her mum used to work full time and had a boyfriend called Norman, I couldn't imagine that, a mum with a boyfriend for heavens sake, that's why, when the first one left me I didn't date or see anyone or even look up if a man was within 30 ft of me because I hated the thought of my kids having a mum with a boyfriend, it just isn't on is it? I met H online and then married him. Very good, avoided the whole 'my mum's got a boyfriend' thing.
Norman tried to teach Theresa and I how to french kiss when we were 10.
OH MY GOOD GRIEF! I ran away and always asked if Norman was in before I would go into her house after that. They moved away and I never knew where they went.
I wonder if Norman taught Theresa anything else, now I am grown up and know about creeps like that I should rather like to meet up with Norman and teach him a thing or two, with a mallet and some rusty nails.
Janet H was my really very best friend when I went to grammar school, her whole bedroom ( that she had all to herself!!) was bright orange. Almost fluorescent orange, with nylon sheets and bedspread and if you sat on Janet 's bed, you slid off, quite quickly.
When I was nursing, Mandy and Julia were my friends. Mandy was a bit wicked and terribly worldly wise ( such a tart Mandy!) Julia was so painfully sensible she made me brain ache. She saved and studied and planned and she so stuck to her plans. We shared a flat, Julia, Mandy and I.
We lived above a spinster whose name began with M, why can't I remember her name? Mildred,
Muriel, Mavis, Mathilda, none of those but it began with M and she lived with her spaniel and memories of days that went before. We pitied Miss M, wondering how she could bear such a lonely existence but now I look back and think she may have been quite happy.
I am still friends with Mandy, who is still friends with Julia. I have always been friends with Mandy and never lost touch, somehow I did lose touch with Julia who has MS and lives with great dignity and strength, so Mandy tells me. I wonder if Julia looks back to when she was fit and well and wishes she hadn't planned and saved and been so sensible back in the day.
There have been many other friends along the way , you'd all die of boredom if I listed every one, but there have been so many people who mattered, who made their mark and who, even with my fluffy brain, I remember.
When I married the first one and we lived the army life, I made a friend that in a rare way for military life, is still my friend, I lost touch with her for too many years and no matter what I tried I couldn't find her. Until this week, thankyou Facebook. I searched for Julie's daughter, having not seen her since she was 2 years old, now 22...there she was, with that same face I adored when it was like a tiny pixie face, with an upturned nose and her bright eyes, dark shiny hair. I sent a message and I got one back saying that she was indeed THE Alex, she gave me her mum's phone numbers and her email address, I couldn't get the email addie to work so, braver than brave ( could she hear how fat I am now?) I called her, after so many many years, as soon as I said "Hello, is that Julie? " and she said " Oh my........" It was as though we had been living next door forever. Some people just do that to you don't they? We did the whistley laugh thing as we remembered times past, she hasn't changed and I saw that I am still me too, no matter what has passed in all those years, I am still me.
Marilyn was a life saver when I lived at grandpa's house, she moved in next door right before I moved away but even in that short time, we knew we were friends and I know I will always be friends with her, the older you get, the more precious your friends are and you don't let them go. Not if you are wise.
In more recent years a new trend has begun, people are making friends without ever meeting. Imagine that. People are meeting through their computers and somehow, in the most extraordinary way, forget that they haven't met and just throw themselves whole heartedly into the most rewarding and lifelong friendships.
I have done that. Through this blog and a website called Babyzone, I have made the most incredible friends, I forget that I haven't met them and when I remember it couldn't matter less.
You have to be careful online because there are some truly weird people out there. Bad people and mad people.
A while ago I was almost taken in, I gave out more information that was wise and ignoring that little voice that kept telling me to hold back, to not believe this time, I got careless. Eventually the little voice won and I spoke my mind, let the doubts free and hell's fury was unleashed for a while. I learned my lesson and won't be ignoring instincts again in a hurry.
I have some real life friends right here where I live, I'm not going to name them because they know who they are and they know I love them. They take me as I am, happy, sad, forgetful, excited, no matter, they are my real friends.
I have some truly wonderful friends online too, so many but a few are particularly special, it is looking as though, at last, we can meet up in the summer. For real. I am almost giddy with the idea. We laugh so much online, we email and send messages and we go to BZ way too often, we know more about each other and our lives, we have spoken on the phone and I am completely sure that when we meet ( In New York of all places!) it will be as though we have known each other forever and there will be such laughter and tears that we will remember it forever.
I'm not always convinced that progress is always a good thing, technology has spoiled so many things, taken away many freedoms from us and our children ( darn play stations and Cell phones, where are all the kids playing hopscotch and building dens?) but the computer? I really believe it has given many people lives beyond their own front doors.
So many people who in real life are shy, or afraid can go anywhere in the world and meet people.
They say money makes the world go 'round, well I'm sure that it helps, we would be stuck without it and I am always miserable when I am lacking it, but it's love ( here we go, cheese alert!) that makes the world go 'round and friendship, to me is what makes my life worth living.
I truly believe that I am blessed with the friends that I have had, the ones I still have and even the ones I will have. Thankyou.