Phew, that was fun wasn't it? That little insight into my cheery disposition, I should probably take a spoonful of sugar ....only that's FATTENING isn't it? Doomed I tell you.
Last evening, I lay down on the sofa to get comfy and watch " Sleepless in Seattle," Love that movie and I had such painful legs and thought it best to face the TV with my mouth shut lest I vent any more of that pent up irritation, I did not pick up the floor full of paper cuttings that Eli and Isaac left behind when they went to bed, I left it there, spread all over the floor sneering at me and I lifted my gaze just high enough to not see THAT but to view lovely Tom Hanks and co in the lovely movie. It worked I thoroughly enjoyed the 12 minutes of the movie that I remember seeing and when I woke up at 1.12am to some infomercial or shopping channel or something I could scarcely believe I had slept so soundly for so long, on the sofa. Everyone was in bed and I decided to join them.
I checked email ( mistake, don't email people when you are half asleep, chances are you will be less tactful than you would like and more honest that you should be!) replied ( sorry!) and went to bed where I slept for another 6 hours.
10 hours sleep.
Wow. That's a really long time and for me it's like a sleep marathon. I have had a crunching headache for over a week and now that it's gone, I can see that the constant squeezing, pounding, throbbing misery might well have been the main cause of my foul temper.
I feel great that I got through the day yesterday without once picking or snacking and that I made really good, filling and wholesome food. Today it will be easier and I am hopeful that my next weigh in will show some progress again.
What I'm trying to say is HOORAY I feel a bit better.
I don't like feeling cross, I really hate feeling negative and I am the first person to jump on anyone for endlessly whining about how hard their lot is.
I'm all for the odd vent, nothing better than the occasional rant to clear the head and soul, it is annoying though when you read a blog and every post is the same, poor me, life is hard, woe is me. I think that's why I haven't been blogging too much because February is the PITS!
I am beyond excited to see March poking it's springlike head around the corner, I walk past my sad looking tubs outside and get a little glimmer of glee to think it is almost time to perk them up, weed them out and watch those little pansy heads start to appear. Any day now I will drive the back roads of Devon and see primroses and daffodils and life will be marvellous again.
Sophie will be in Boston in less than 3 weeks, I am so excited for her and although I would have a lovely time if I were going with her, truth be told I am more thrilled at the knowledge that I don't have to fly than I am envious of the fun she will have.
There was something about Sophie and Cathy together that makes me perfectly happy to take a back seat and just enjoy the fact that they have a relationship that is somehow just meant to be. More than a friendship somehow because of the age difference, Cathy can be to Sophie what I can't and between the two of us, I really think that Sophie has all the guidance and love she can ever need.
Yes, I am more than happy to send her off to Cathy for 20 years...oh I mean 10 days, give her my B of A card and a list for Target and wait for her to come home and make my ears bleed with details of every single fun thing they do together.
New York will never be the same and I am pretty sure that she will remember and retell every experience in minute detail several times when she gets home. Cathy also says she will call me every time they go anywhere which personally, I think is just being mean and rubbing my 'na na na na na you aren't here! 'nose in it! I'll be happy with Face Book pictures and updates and live through both of them.
I am really interested to be told how Sophie is without me around but with Cathy....different I am sure than if she were with her peers but more relaxed ( heaven help us all) than if I were there. I hope she is a little shy, just enough to ......oh forget it, I am just happy that she is going to have a glorious time, doing great things and being safe. Making memories that are hers, that she can share and think about and treasure ..to replace all those horrible ones that are fast becoming things of the past. So exciting. I am thrilled that I can honestly say there isn't a even touch a touch of envy in me when it comes to the friendship Cathy and Sophie have, I am just so happy that it is there.
Daniel is going to New York on monday.... such great kids I have and I am proud to say that I have taught them to do such great things even though I have always been so scared of flying, I have shown them that fighting through the fear is always so worthwhile, that being afraid is not a good reason to not do something. I love that my children are eager to up and go, to experience and enjoy what life has to offer them.
I am sitting here, 10.20am in my PJs, the sun is shining and I am going to get dressed and go somewhere to walk in this lovely weather, not a gentle stroll either, day 2 of making myself move, whether I want to or not because I DO want to feel happier, I want progress and I want to feel a sense of achievement, I do not want to feel like a snarling ogre anymore. It seems it is in my hands.