Why yes, THAT kind of mother!

Today has been a huge day. HUGE. It didn't start out that way at all. I woke up with that glorious feeling of having absolutely nothing planned at all. Nothing. I love that, the thought of a day of being at home, lazing around, pottering and doing whatever I choose.
That lasted 'til 7.45am... whoot! Isaac had toothache, again. He gets toothache and then it goes and then it comes back and the spaces in between have been getting shorter and shorter, today I knew we couldn't ignore it and so when he went to school I called the dentist and they said I could bring him in at 10am. That caused immediate problems, no notice things with Isaac, are traumatic for Isaac ( and therefore, for me!) I called the school and explained and they were great, they went right to his classroom and told him that he was going to get his tooth fixed and gave him an hour or so to think about it and prepare himself.
When I went to get him, at 9.45 he said " Great, so we'll be back here by 10.15, yes?" Well, no, they said that maybe we could be there for anything up to 2 hours....at this piece of news he lost the plot, big ploppy tears and sobbing about missing playtime and then his day would be all out of whack and he has to be in school, its thursday!
I took an iPod ( because I am so clever and organised!) and he didn't want it, he didn't want to read or listen or draw or do anything except wait for the dentist and tell me how many people were waiting and ask me how long THAT would take and what time he would get back to school.
Then he asked for the iPod ( thank goodness, chill Isaac!) because he wanted to see the time and give me reports " 10.12am....... Playtime is at 10.30"
Marvel of marvels at 10.14 am we were called in and I held my breath because sometimes he will not open his mouth, he will clamp his hand over those lips and he isn't letting go for anything, not nobody.
Not today, he sat in the chair and the dentist looked into his wide open mouth....and she told us that he had a huge abscess that oozed when she touched it, she said it was under his tooth and that he must have been in horrible pain. She told Isaac that she had to drill and fix it and was that OK?



He sat, with his mouth wide open and he let her drill, scrape, clean, rinse, fill and poke..with NO ANAESTHETIC! None, not even numbing gel. His only help was the immovable stare in my direction.....this look....



Which is sort of touching but that drill sound? That makes me want to stick my fingers in my ears and squeeze my eyes tight shut but he is looking at me, mummy is here and if I look at her she will make sure this is OK. Can I say often enough how much I adore this child of mine?
When she was done ( remarkably quickly because when the patient just sits and doesn't blink, flinch, cry, complain, well how long does it take?) he jumped up and said " 10.28, 2 minutes, QUICK!" I signed papers and we took them to the front desk, and we were supposed to wait for a follow up appointment..but this sweet boy was so frantic and so jiggy that I said I would call and set up the appointment because if ever a boy deserved to call the shots it was this one, at this time.
We drove the 2 minutes to school and ...what? No-one in the playground, what is happening? Are we early, late? What? Where is playtime?
We walked through the doors and he was off, through the double doors to his classroom....I signed him back in and was chatting with Donna and he came back, a flood of tears, fat old heartbreaking tears and he shoved his head into my side and whispered " Oh I missed it!" He is so beautiful and he is so delicious that the office staff shot up, they declared that this can't be right and they were going to SEE where playtime had gone!
2 minutes later Donna was back and hoorah ..assembly had run overtime, all was well, if he went into the hall he could see the last of assembly and then PLAYTIME. Oh but this is all too much and to ask Isaac to walk into an assembly hall, to risk having people turn around and Look at him....he just couldn't do it. I calmed him down and told him that I would sit with him in reception until assembly was over and then he could go out to play.
Phew.
We decided that we would creep to his classroom, very quietly past the hall and put his bag and lunch box back where they belong and come back to reception to wait for playtime ( which was LATE! Who is running this shambles anyway?!)
Just as we reached his classroom that we thought would be deserted, out came the classroom assistant who was thrilled to see Isaac and in that undeniably teacherish way said " ISAAC! Splendid, just in time for the last bit of assembly..come on then!" and she grabbed his hand and off they went, with his precious face turned towards me and those fat tears streaming down his face because THIS IS NOT THE PLAN!!!! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!
I nearly became THAT kind of mother. The mother of a precious snowflake and GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM LADY! But I didn't.
I just muttered " oh that's horrible.....oh dear...." to Donna and left, gulping and thinking how really he should just stay at home with me because dammit, life is so hard sometimes and every single day he has to force himself to fight against the longing to just. not. do. it.
I stayed busy all day because he is my heart, this boy.
It wasn't over yet...he was invited to a party, a real big boys party in a city away from our town, in someone else's car, with people and NOT ME.
He was excited because it was at the bowling alley and this boy has been desperate to go bowling for weeks now.
He was terrified because he would have to
a) get changed. This is a huge thing for Isaac, we cleared the panic by deciding that he would take a favourite jacket in his backpack and after school he would take off his sweatshirt and wear the jacket and he would look good and be comfortable.
b) talk to people.
c) Eat
d) Go in a car with someone else's mummy but not his.
e) not be able to tell anyone what time it was and how long they had to get home!

I was pretty sure that he would balk at the last minute. I met him at school with Oliver's gift and card and some jazzy new shoes I knew he would adore. He grabbed the shoes and put them on, with his jacket and gave me his sweatshirt and then he ran towards Oliver, someone tried to grab the giftbag and he very clearly and loudly said "HEY! It's for Oliver not you!!" I watched him laugh with the 4 boys that were going bowling and give Oliver his gift ( another first, he has always refused to give gifts, he hands them to us and says " you give it, tell them it's from me")
Olivers' mum arrived and he left with her! Without batting an eye! He didn't even turn around to see if I was weeping or anything!
That's when I almost became THAT kind of mother, the kind that runs after her precious and tells them that maybe mummy should come too because he may NEED me, what if he NEEEEEDS me and I'm not there and he can't speak?
But I didn't. I came home and I waited for FOUR HOURS and he came home and said THANKYOU to Olivers mum, he did he said thankyou and he never does, not until he is sure they can't hear him, he stares at me and wills me to say it for him.
Oh my Isaac. You are beginning to not need me.
The trouble is, I still need you to need me, because I am THAT kind of mother.