Food glorious food.

I love food, really love it. I love buying it, cooking it, giving it to people and of course eating it.
I know some people who have had their stomach stapled, some who have had bands put around their stomachs and then have the band tightened when they stop losing weight ...they have had this done because they hated being fat. I understand that, honestly I do, but I really, really can't understand why anyone would think that having become seriously overweight because they eat too much, because they get immeasurable pleasure or comfort or something from food, having something so barbaric as stomach stapling or banding that then will physically prevent them having the comfort or joy they have obviously needed for some reason...they will somehow be miraculously happy and problem free.
Hmmmmmm, if I were to wake up tomorrow and be a size 10 ( skinny in the UK not sure what it would mean in the states as I read about people being size 4/6... over here that would be considered dangerous anywhere near drains or even cracked pavements!) I would be so excited to grab a pair of jeans and a nice t-shirt and tuck it in ( have I told you how easily pleased I am?!) but as nothing else in my life will have changed I suspect that I would shovel as much food down my gullet as I do now and tell myself that it won't hurt because obviously I am able to eat whatever I like and be a size 10!
My wish would be that some kind of medical or dietician type person, with a psychology degree, would find me the most ideal candidate for an overhawl, drag me away from everything and work on me, body and soul.....every now and then I get in the mind frame where I see how unkind I am to myself, and I do something about it, it is always successful and I am always very very happy, the weight falls off and I feel so bloody FABULOUS. Like I can breathe. Like I am invinsible because I am in charge of ME at last and then every single time something happens, usually right before I actually reach an ideal weight for me....and I panic and the eating begins again.
What is it in me that stops me being kind to myself?
I know I am intelligent, I know absolutely that eating great food makes me feel great and eating crap makes me feel like crap, I know exactly what to eat and how to cook it. I am clever enough to make delicious and irresistable food with healthy and affordable ingredients so what IS it about being fat, miserable and uncomfortable that I need so much? I know it's not the food that makes me this way, I like the good food SO much more than the junk, I even eat food that I hate if I am angry enough about something.
There has to be someone or something that can tell me and help me to just be nice to ME.
I know that somewhere, there is an answer that will mentally staple my stomach and stop me eating in such a destructive way, but I think the problem is more likely to be that something in my heart needs fixing.
I wonder if, tomorrow, I just quietly told myself that today is a good day for being gentle with ME, no promises to stop eating,no goals to lose such a terrifying amount of weight that it seems insurmountable, just to be kind and do something for me and to have a day where I can sit down in the evening and feel good about myself. I wonder, would it work?