Not far away at all. ( edited to add and include pictures.)

I didn't write an entry yesterday because somehow it was a heartaching day and if I had tried to write, I think the ache would have won over strength, not that that is a bad thing of course but I just want to hold onto what composure I have until after monday and then the wailing can do it's worst.
We drove about an hour away to dad's bank so that mum could settle his affairs ( ham, egg, chips) she did that and heard his will ( sticky toffee pudding and custard) . that's the last official business that had to be done, phew. I have found though, that the worst days since he died have been those NOT filled with busy, busy get that done stuff.....I worry about after monday.
The funeral is arranged, it is going to be so beautiful......if you could see mum's house with the piles of cards and beautiful flowers, having read the words of love and stories about dad it is easy to feel loved and supported. One story has been repeated more than a few times.
One sunday, dad was chorister at a very large church meeting, members from the southwest of England had gathered for a conference and dad was asked to do what he did so beautifully. One of the hymns was master the tempest is raging He loved this hymn ( we ALL love this hymn), sung properly it is quite simply the most uplifting and rousing of hymns....well, he conducted and the roof was raised, his face was a huge grin, his arms had the congregation sing with such joy, one arm telling us when to sing, the other telling us when to sing softly and when to give it our all, he was on tip-toes with the vigour of it all .Everyone sang with such meaning and feeling that quite honestly we all felt sure the angels were rejoicing right along with us. Right from the start mum has wanted to have this hymn at dad's funeral but just cried every time she thought about having to try and sing it, yesterday when another lovely note came retelling the story and how fabulous that occassion was, mum knew that we had to sing it. If I have a prayer for monday it is that a) the person conducting the music gives it her all and b) that the same spirit is there when we sing this hymn, I just know dad will be there and he will be urging us all to belt it out!!
Every step of the way throughout this week we have been swept along and guided in everything we do, things have fallen into place in such a splendid way that although physically we have had to go and do these things, we know that there is a greater hand in it all. Things like mum trying to withdraw cash for funeral arrangements and necessities and having her card swallowed by the machine, bank closed ARGH!!!! Except there was one lady still working, who OPENED the bank and sorted mums money out, gave her an overdraft and told her not to worry. Can you beleieve it? Who has ever known someone open the door of a bank after closing and work on transactions???? Dad's friend being the funeral director, another dear friend who was asked to speak on monday suddenly having that unavoidable meeting in London cancelled so he CAN be there, CAN talk about the kind of man dad was........ we see so clearly that dad is loved by more than just us and we are comforted beyond words by the knowledge that he is in a place so glorious that we can't be sad for him, only for us, left behind without him.
We are going to see him today, I drive past the funeral home every day ( on the way to school) and last night when I came home I noticed that although it was closed, the lights were left on. Comforting to me, even though I know 'he' isn't there and it's only his body, it's the body we knew and we, as mere mortals with a small understanding, find it a good and safe feeling to know that his body is being treated with such reverence and compassion. Heartsad I might be but the greater part of me is happy to understand that this dad of mine isn't at all that far away!

So we went to see my dad, how splendid that although ( of course) he didn't look quite the same as when he was here and 'him,' he did look better than when he was in the hospital, the most fabulous thing is that he had a look on his face that he would get when he was being a bit wicked, if he was teasing or trying to blag his way out of some trouble with mum, he would bite his bottom lip and sort of half smile, he has the teeth that we all so love in Elijah, goofy and hugely cheeky, so we saw those teeth biting his bottom lip as if to let us know he knows something we don't know...perfect. Needless to say, in keeping with all other experiences, we finished with gluttony and enjoyed fresh cream cakes at my house...we are all ( thank goodness) now heartily sick of eating such treats and have said most definitely that this was the end of the sickly comfort eating!! what a way to end it though!!