A girls' day out.

And by jiminy what a splendid one it was. Kara and I left the house without any testosterone or testosterone in the brewing, called by the place where Sophie was at 9am. She wasn't answering her phone so we yelled...loudly outside the flat " WHOOHOOOOO SOPH!!! SOPHIEEEEEEE!!!!"
Bleary eyed, kissy lipped girlie sticks her head out of the top floor window " What? What want? Tired. So tired. What?"
"COME ON....no boys- NO MEN...us, you, out all day GOT MONEY!!"
"Ohhhhhh tired though, early, very early....perhaps not come...."
"YES YOU ARE, mummy loves you it'll be fun, did you hear NO BOYS OR MEN and we HAVE MONEY!!"
She was grumbly but a bit happy that we were going out. We drove 15 miles, stopped at a great girlie place with pretty and smelly things and candles, had poached eggs and bacon for breakfast.Drove another 10 miles, shopped.
REALLY Shopped.
Bought things she looked at and liked ....have it, like that one? have that too! She spent the day in a daze because on this day, we weren't caring, we weren't worrying, we weren't hurrying or looking at watches ( unless we thought it might be time to eat again )
We went in every clothes shop, some shops that we would never go in with children or H, who suffers from a little known medical problem called shopping legs. If you ask H to walk around shops for too long he gets shopping legs, sometimes he gets shopping legs if you even talk about going shopping for girlie things. His legs get heavy and make him whine a lot, they can't walk without dragging and they want to take him away somewhere, somewhere there are no women or shops. When H gets shopping legs, I get shopping head and shopping hands, my head wants to shout and my hand wants to whip across the back of H's shopping legs and put them out of their misery.
To be without H and his legs is a delight in a city like we went to today.
My girl has a few bags of beautiful clothes that cover her delicious body yet still seem to make it look far too sexy and out there.
I managed to convince her that tummies and butt cracks like to be a bit covered in winter, we are careering towards winter at a startling rate, today we had torrential rain and wind. Sophie had about 8 inches of stretchy material not covering places that really ought to be covered on a day like today, unless she wants to catch her death of cold.
In one shop she tried on a beautiful t- shirt that, imagine, actually had teeny tiny sleeves and a collar, a pretty collar and it was white and pink, she liked it but said she felt weird.
I told her how beautiful she looked and how enormous it made her bosoms look.
" No, how can it, they are covered up"
"Soph, believe me, covering those things up doesn't make them go away, they are there...they are in your face, they are SO THERE!
"Nah, I think you can't see them"
I looked around for Kara, for back up, for confirmation that although the beautiful young bosoms were covered they were SO STILL THERE! No Kara, just a man, who was so glued to our conversation that I somehow, for a moment, forgot myself and in my desperation, thought that he would SO be on my side. I looked at him and said
" Look, tell her...."
and then caught myself, about to ask a strange man to tell my teenage daughter that her boobs look big in this shirt " Oh, ha ha....I so nearly asked you to comment on my daughter's bosoms, sorry, forget I asked..or didn't, but nearly did and anyway .....yes, never mind...sorry. Sophie, buy the shirt!"
She is a big bit beautiful and we were all more than a little reluctant to come home.

I forgot to tell you the bit where we went back to the gypsy Acora and where I went in first and we forgot there were other people waiting and spent a long time talking ...like old friends. Where he told me exactly what he told me last time, almost word for word but then elaborated.
He spoke more about the man I wouldn't be with and then about the man I WOULD be with...the man who has dark skin, looks meditarranean, has olive skin, brown eyes. the man who is so right for me, who doesn't let his left hand know what his right hand is doing.....who is clever and loyal, who isn't a womaniser, who prefers the way men think ( is there a man who doesn't??!)
He spoke more about my children and said that I was a great mother ..he asked about Sophie and then said " you let her go, don't you? You aren't hanging on and trying to make her live her life your way? That's the best thing you could ever have done for this child. You let your kids choose their lives and make decisions but you never take your eyes off them. they know you're there and you will never be 'rid' of your kids, they won't ever forget who you are when they live their lives.
He spoke a lot about Daniel and my complete acceptance of who he is and my joy in him.
He spoke about Jordan and said that THIS is the child that will really go somewhere and " he'll look after you mind, you'll never get rid of these kids they will always be close to you" (And I was thrilled, while at the same time hoping beyond hope that he meant emotionally rather than geographically here, in my house, you know, with me, always. )
Next year, there will be a baby..oh not you, you're done, this baby won't be planned, will be a huge surprise but it will be so loved, you'll see this baby girl and be so happy she is here.





oops. just picked myself up off the floor.......

He told me that I was a daddy's girl as a child, always wanted my dad. When I said that he had died so recently he said " I don't see your dad because I don't need to, you don't need me to see anything for you really because you see things as well as I do.
You're spiritual you are and what's more, when you see things you see what people should do about it all. I don't see that, I can't advise people, you can. Your dad is with his maker, he is busy ..but he is still keeping one eye on you all to make sure you're OK but he isn't with you the whole time, he knows you don't need that. He's busy and he just looks over to you sometimes as if to say " yes, they're alright" then he goes on with what he's doing.

He said about the house and the money again. Said that H would work again and do well, that he would be 'back' not let me know anything until it was done and dusted, he would work on his own and love it and the money would start coming in. It made me smile when he said " he never lets the left hand know what the right hand is doing, he'll tell you when he has it all set up. You'll both be out there working, later......neither of you will be jumping to someone else's tune, you'll both be in charge of yourselves.
He said again that I would sign something I was reluctant or unsure of signing and when I did, I would see that someone's loss would be my gain.
I would move near water into a house that was " the dog's bollocks" it would have somethng to do with this legal document I signed.
After a while, he tapped my arm and said " I like talking to you, how old are you?" when I told him he said "see? in your heart you're 24, when you talk you could be 64......you have the answers, people are drawn to you and want to listen to you, look at me I want to listen to you!! you know things, you understand things.
You have nice things, you get it all - but you don't live for it, material things don't weigh you down, you get it, you like it but it doesn't hurt you to walk away from it and leave it all behind. You're like a gypsy and you are happy just walking away from things that other people live by, you know you can't take it with you, which is why you'll always have it, because you know what IS important and you know if you can't take it with you it's not important.
He then said " what about your youngest? He is a blessing isn't he? He is just every day a blessing, to everyone, he isn't an accident he was sent to you specially, he is wonderful"
There was a sigh of relief in the very full waiting room when I eventually came out of his inner sanctum, after we had chatted about people throwing rocks through his window and people who worry him.
Kara went in next and was out again in less than 5 minutes. She was fed up, felt diddled and not pleased. since Jose's visit she has been totally flat, emotionally empty and just ready to go home, or not be here or not be here. I think that she just didn't give anything 'off ' that she was too sad to really be tuned into. As the day went on she began to get back to her normal self and I so hope that very, very soon, she can be happy enough and strong enough to tell her husband that he can stop worrying about what he wants, what is right for him, what will make him happy becuase hey, guess what, while he fannied around trying to decide- she GOT HAPPY and decided FOR him that he can go whistle in the wind and hope that some dog comes a runnin'. No-one has the right to assume that their spouse's feelings are less important than their own. No-one has the right to demand that the person they are supposed to love wait around and hurt, while they whoop it up trying to 'find themselves' in some sort of quest to regain youth and 'me'.
(Why does anyone want to relive youth? Hell, I hated it the first time 'round, give me this age any day.)
You can fall in love overnight but to STOP loving someone you have to allow it, or it has to be beaten out of you, physically or emotionally and either way it takes a long time and it hurts, a lot.
Tomorrow is the last day of the visit here, then they go to London for a couple of days ( poor Kara she says it is sort of hard work going places with your dad and brother and the idea of eeing every point of interest in London in 2 days is sort of killing her,) my darlin' H makes the very best sort or tour guide, if you want to hear all the details and see all the stuff that you can read about in a guide book, but he isn't the best guide for a woman, one that likes shoes and boots and scarves, who likes to smell candles and stroke nice furry collared jackets. I think she is planning her escape, while we speak.
She is thinking of skipping out and just, you know, walking along Oxford street and going to Harrods and having a coffee in a nice cafe somewhere.
I wish I was going too...but it's the first day of school. No-one can miss the first day of school. We have the uniforms all ready and waiting, we have shiny new shoes and long trousers of the grey teflon variety ( with clips thankyou very much, not elastic waists) we have P.E kits and black P.E pumps. We haven't got book bags but we will have, by golly yes we will. Lunch boxes are at the ready and MUMMY IS READY!
How does that song go? oh yes... " It's the most wonderful time of the year".