It's only me.

I am in a marvellous sort of cloudy place ( floaty, as opposed to grey and gloomy) I will try and explain why and hope that it doesn't come out wrong.
Tomorrow we set off for our trip. I have mentioned it without too much detail because it is precious and important and HUGE. When we put that kind of thing out in the cyber world we leave it open to ridicule and discussion and things that would make me sad. In order to explain some of my floaty dreamy ahhhhhh emotions I will have to tell you more.
Going to the temple is special in that it is a priviledge, it can't be bought, not anyone can go just because it sounds nice. You cannot buy a ticket, no matter how much money you may have.
In order to attend the temple you need to 'pass' two interviews, you are asked various questions about your integrity, honesty and general church living.
Of course the opportunity to go to the temple and be sealed for eternity IS open to anyone and everyone but it has to be worked for and towards. There are requirements, the same for everyone.
So, we have had these interviews and we have our recommends signed by the 2 priesthood holders with the authority to do so.
What makes me glow in a simply splendid way is the fact that so many people have been cheering us on.
It's just me. And H, of course but this is my blog......
I have that feeling of head swivel, you know when someone wolf whistles and you turn to see who they are whistling at and ...it's you.
In the interviews we were made to feel as though these people were somehow honoured to be doing this for us.
Everywhere we go people are talking about this trip and so many are coming!! I truly thought that mum and Leah would come and maybe my sister and her husband but no.....people want to be there and travel all that way.
Friends I haven't seen for years are coming, from all over the country.....last night someone so lovely said that they would be at the temple at the same time as us and when I was excited and said we would love it if she and her husband came in with us, she was so thrilled and said she wouldn't miss it but really, did we WANT her there?? As if that was suprising. It's only me.
Why is it so easy to believe when people are mean, when they say unkind things we naturally believe it is true, that they mean it , that they are right? When someone shows us honest to goodness in your face love and say fabulous things, somehow we find it hard to believe...sad isn't it?
It occured to me today that although this is bigger and more imortant than any civil wedding to us.....I haven't given any thought at all to any details, I did order the outfit- that I don't like, so won't wear and that's it. Isaac has his clothes because we had to make sure that he was happy with what he was wearing.
It took him 3 weeks to try it on....but look, he loves it.



The rest though, hasn't even entered my mind until tonight, when it is too late. I am actually thrilled about that because none of it matters, all that matters is that we are there and we are sealed. We have seen more expressions of love and friendship this last week or so than ever before.
I am so humbled and excited in the calmest way. I look at H and just know, this is right. I look at my little boys and know that there will be no chance at all of getting through friday without crying buckets of emotional tears. I wish my big kids were coming, maybe one day they will. It's not over til it's over and eternity is a long time!
All this joy, the excitement, the purest delight of so many people because we are doing this and still I mutter ' it's only me' . How fabulous to know and see and actually believe that I am truly loved, even if it is only me.