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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Just stuff.

No real idea for todays blog, just a fidgety need to say something. I love saying something. Not often listened to, or heard but just saying stuff makes me happy.
I spoke briefly in church today, such a show off. I love speaking in front of people.
I like the first sunday of each month, instead of set speakers, everyone has the chance to bear their testimony, say what they feel about church and how what they believe makes a difference to their lives.
Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and I'll be honest, the loud weeping that comes with strong belief makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I know that we can be moved to tears if the spirit so moves us, wailing doesn't sit comfortably with me.
I do love, however, hearing those sweet testimonies that are from the heart and are short. I don't think a testimony is meant to be a life story but we get those a fair bit, I don't think it should be a naming thing where you tell how great other people are, we get that too. I just think it ought to be something that helps others to feel good, to maybe remember how they felt, how they feel. Encourage someone to look for something better.
Life is changing here all the time , not anything we are doing purposefully, just a splendid and happy natural progression I think. We all seem to be muddling along together so nicely. Sophie has been so sick and I am a terrible carer, no patience at all, I find myself telling her that yes, I see the welting great rash again, it is as horrible and ugly and sore looking as it was 7 minutes ago but really... looking at the itchy foot while I am eating my tea....doesn't make me feel any sympathy.
17 year olds should soak up the sympathy given the first time they complain, take the medicine the doctor gave them, have a lovely drink and GO TO BED! What would we mothers give to be able to just do that when we are sick? I am pretty sure you wouldn't see me for dust or cortsone cream if I had the chance to disappear when I was poorly. I know she is itchy, but what good does it do to keep thrusting that rash in my face at inopportune moments?
I am a little stunned to learn that Sophie has signed up for a new colege course, she found it, filled in paperwork, went for interviews and got a place and starts tomorrow, its one of those things that leaves me open mouthed and like a guppy. Sophie, being grown up and responsible. Blimey. Hope she loves it, she loves the college and it all sounds great...here's crossing fingers and hoping and praying and trying to take it all in and breathe.

I think I feel like a different person. How so? Hard to say, just calmer. Never thought I would ever feel calm, my whole life has been a worry, I worried about not finding my shoes when I was 12, really heart thumping, wretching fear if I couldn't find my shoes and THE WORLD WILL END IF I DON'T FIND THEM! Children, have children, everything bad will happen, worry, bad things did happen ,more bad things will definately happen, worry, husband, heart attack, worry, oooh every twinge he has, worry, teenagers WORRY.
So, now I am calm. Perhaps my brain just burned itself out. Cool.
I think maybe it's like when a farmer burns a field. Turns the whole thing to black stubble, apparantly when they do that, it makes the field all clean and ready to grow a new crop beautifully. I think that's what happened to my brain. It got burned out, black stubble. Empty and sort of useless for a while, until....little sprouts of great new stuff have begun to force their way through the burnt bits.
I am beginning to remember things.....that might be because I have been such a useless mush brain of forgetfullness for so long that everybody close to me speaks to me as though I am a 93 year old deaf person with an advanced state of altzeimers.
" HELEN! MEETING? WEDNESDAY? 7PM. HERE? WEDNESDAY? OK? 7PM? "

"HEY!! YOU PARKED YOUR CAR THIS WAY..REMEMBER???"

Even I usually remember stuff when I am told so simply and it is repeated often enough. But that aside, I am actually, honest to goodness just remembering things. All.On.My.Own. FANTASTIC! Little sprouts of colourful and beautiful things, shooting through the burned out stubble that was my brain.
I wonder exactly what and who I can become when the stubble is all gone.
I still have so much that is hanging around, the fear that another massive bad thing is waiting around the corner, I have had so many of those that it's impossible to believe that it will all be floaty happy stuff from now on. Life isn't like that is it?
I am just more able to enjoy this time where the good things are happening, even that is a joy, better than being afraid of the good times because, well, we all know some nightmare will come along and ruin it all don't we? That was exhausting, feeling like that was like a living death.
So...here we are at the beginning of a new year, with sprouts of good stuff bursting through the old rotten dross. Here's to what's around the corner...may it be more of the happy stuff. Please.
Oh look, this is Jordan new girlfriend....

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she is a model.....she's pretty isn't she? She's nice too and he sort of hearts her and is nice to her. She still isn't sleeping here though. I am in charge. Ha!

P.S
I love H.....it is 10.45pm, we are sitting with a movie on and he has his laptop, he's watching something with earphones in, lots of sounds of great interest are coming from his chair..."ooooh. Huh? Hmmmmmm...."
What you watching?
"Huh? Oh me? Inventions from ancient civilisations"

I think Seth gets it from him.

5 Comments:

Blogger Claire said...

Hi, Helen, I definitely agree with all you said about testimony meeting. So true. Keep it short and sincere. Also thanks for the Christmas card a while back. Very cute. Happy new year!

4:04 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Sounds like you are enjoying the start to the new year Helen. And yeah! to Sophie for signing up for a college class! I hope she enjoys it.

Jordan's new girlfriend is very pretty! Glad to hear you are in charge.

I'm sure Seth gets it from H! :)

1:08 pm  
Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

WOW.. no wonder he wants her to sleep over! Lucky guy!

Glad to hear that your new fields are fertile for thoughts and good memories and wonderful new creations. I look so forward to sharing this new year with you!

Hugs

Julie

1:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

another try..lol

I was married into a Christian family who attended a church full of shouters and testifiers and I learned to love those unexpected services. My sons were young and they learned what it meant to praise the Lord, after all what do folks think Heaven is going to be like. I hear parents say that it scares their children when someone shouts or testifies. It is only because they were not raised in that type of church. I love it and an thankful my sons still have those memories instilled in them.
I, too am so tickled for Sophie. She is certainly taking a step in the right direction and I am so happy she chose to do this.
Oh yes the girlfriend is gorgeous. I am sure she has a lovely heart as well.
Thanks for the heartwarming post today my friend. God Bless you.

4:54 pm  
Blogger Clara....in TN said...

Hi Helen, I finished reading your blog in its entirety (including the comments) Now I can read every post and know where you came from and all you have been through. You are an inspiration to me. This world needs more people like you. Your children are positively adorable. If I could pick out one for my own, it would be hard because I love them all.
Might we exchange Christmas cards next year? Moobear praised your card highly. That would be so awesome. If I had known of your Halloween party in time, I would have sent "things". The party looked so "cool".
On your map, I am the dot from east Tennessee.....Add me to your list of regular readers! And Thank You!

2:51 am  

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