Teenagers are SO the new toddler, except more stupid.

When you have toddlers, you take it for granted that on matters of great importance, you will say something, say it again, ask if they heard you, see if they understand, say it again, show them, say it again........you get it. It doesn't often seem annoying even that you have to say the same thing over and over because aww, little people, small brains, learning and all that. It is a joy to watch them grow and learn and really 'get' things. It is immensely satsifying to see what amazing things these young people are capable of. Year after year they astound you, what clever people you have born and raised.
Then, something happens, the bodies keep growing, changing, delighting you ( or with daughters scaring you) but the brains? What happens? Where does all the knowledge you saw go? What the ??????
It is with great sadness that I have to inform you that despite all that work, when these people hit 14ish, they go backwards. Once again we are returned to the days of saying it OVER AND OVER again, this time though, they don't appreciate it . They aren't thrilled that you give them all this time and energy and wisdom.
They grunt a lot and eat a lot. They tell you how grown up they are and how smart they are and how much they know, and they show you how stupid they have become and how little they understand.
Every so often, much as it pains me, I am reminded that Daniel, Jordan and Sophie weren't products of an active imagination and wishing very hard. They are their father's children, damn and blast it all.
The first one hasn't quite left the stage of having to be told 3 million times to put his shoes on and don't sleep with a woman that isn't your wife, when you have a wife. I'm not sure he will ever get past that stage, he is 45, it's not looking good.
I quite like seeing his sense of humour coming out in my children, he is funny, I'll give him that. He works hard, very good. Crap with the money he earns and it keeps going downhill from there. So, it is usually not a fluffy moment when I see his traits showing in my children, that I adore.
Jordan, of all the kids , is the most like his dad. Dan sounds like him, exactly, which means I am always over chummy with the first one, on the phone until I realise it is him, and very short and impatient with Dan because I think it's his dad.
Sophie, bless her heart has her dad's brains. Amazing at the things she wants to do , no stopping her but will never win hearts and influence people with IQ or general knowledge ( does that read very harsh? Sophie, if I am dead and you are reading this I love you. Don't cry. I loved your dad even though he couldn't spell and did Irish dancing at his grandad's funeral, it's OK.)
Jordan, he has his fathers abilty to not hear or understand anything that isn't quite to his liking. He will smile and crack a joke, say all the right things and then do what he bloody well pleases. I have hit the very first occasion whereby that isn't going to cut it. I am going to win this one..it is going to get bloody. Ouch.
So, we had the discussions, we got the nodding and the 'absolutely, don't worry, it won't happen again' again. He said he got it. Mel can't / won't sleep in his room. That was last night. This morning. Guess. Go on, guess where she was? Did you guess yet? It's unbelievable isn't it?
It wasn't even worth shouting, was it. What's the point, I know it feels as though shouting might make them hear better. It doesn't. Whisper, with a bit of hiss. Works great.
" I think, Jordan, that it is time you asked Andy if you can move into the pub"
"NO! Absolutely not, nuh uh, no"
"Well, a flat it is then"
"I am not discussing this now I will talk when I get home from work"
" Ok, make sure you come home alone then"
"WHAT???? WHY?"
"because, I absolutely do not want to see Mel in my house"
"WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU SAY? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?"
followed by a whole lot of yelling in his room and hitting of walls and more yelling. After 10 minutes I went into his room and said

"why, can you tell me, are YOU angry? Are you this angry because I am NOT going to allow you to do what you want in MY house?"
He stormed out. left.
Mel then said
"can I say something? I really respect everything you say"
"NO! you don't! because LOOK WHERE YOU ARE!" ( still in his bed)
" I didn't know until last night that you had said I couldn't sleep in here".
Here's where we thump our head and learn that although I have told Jordan until I am blue in the face....he hadn't told her, he was too embarrassed to tell her. Didn't know how to say those simple words. "my mum said no"
He can sleep with her, treat me like an idiot but not open his damn mouth and say " Actually you'd better not sleep here, mum will go mad"
"So, he didn't tell you"
"No, I didn't know until Sophie told me last night.
"So Sophie told you last night?"
"yes"
" Oh, I see, yet...... DUH!! Look where you are, it's today, after last night, when you DID know.
I have told him and I am telling you that this is MY house, I am more lenient than any other parent of teens I know, I allow all kinds of things many parents won't BUT you. can. not. sleep. in. his. room. ( here's where she agrees, because hey, she isn't even allowed friends in the HOUSE forget her bed)
"Jordan has had my time, Sophie has had my time...now it is the little boys turn to have things the way I want them to be for them.
If any of you don't like the rules in THIS house, leave, I will not say this again. I suggest you find Jordan and tell him that you now understand what I say, I am through telling him, see if you can make him understand how things are. I don't want drunk people in my house, I don't want unmarried people sleeping together in my house. I don't care who likes it or whether any of you agree with it. That's how it is, like it....or leave, could it be simpler than that?"
I left then because my brain hurt and my heart was a bit achey too. I don't want my kids sad, could give a stuff if they are mad.

Teenagers are worse than toddlers, you have to not only repeat it but then ask them to explain what you mean, then check that everyone involved knows and understands then really, REALLY check that not only did they hear, that they know, and understand, but believe that you actually MEAN it.
Then check again.

Then hit them, as hard as it takes to make your frustration feel less. Frustration will be replaced by humiliation because hitting a 6' 5" male doesn't make them even flinch, they roll their eyes and ask if you are done yet, ignore the feeling of stupidity, the overwhelming release of tension is worth it. Even do it again to get your money's worth.
My hair is greyer today, all badges of honour.
Thank heaven for Chocolate trifle. Yes, chocolate trifle, £1.48 from Asda. Chocolate sponge, chocolate custard, chocolate mousse with cream and chocolate swirls. Thankyou Asda.