I'm gonna pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again......again.

Just as soon as I have had a bloody good moan and a whine and even a swear perhaps.
Our landlady came today and told us that she is selling our house, you know, our home. MY HOME. This one that I love and is perfect and big and posh and right where we need it to be.
I wanted to write about our trip to London, on our own, with no kids and show you the picture of H's ice cream at Harrods



and tell you to look at his hands and grasp how HUGE this thing was, with its apricot sauce and it's fancy berries, with the sorbet and cream and stuff, but MY HOME!
8 weeks, that's how long we have to find somewhere and secure it and pay all that money for search fees and credit checks and guarantors. Removal vans and ..........so then, can't think straight to show you H's donut at Covent garden



I would have taken pictures of what I ate but who wants to see dry crackers and a lettuce leaf ( and if you believe THAT you need your head testing, or to get out more or something)
What about the men with trousers around their ankles and tutu's on...



No, can't tell you any of that because I have to tell Jordan that the time is right for him to move on and find a place of his own. ( actually, he just came home and hugged me tight and said that he is very ready to have his own place, he will do everything he can to help us find somewhere and he loves me)
Also, because some things never change, I have to tell Sophie that her days of not going to college and staying in bed and waiting for the fairies to make it all OK are over. When we move it will be H, and me and 3 little boys. Sophie is going to have to get a full time job and a house share. She has been more or less living at this woman's house anyway, so hopefully she can move in there and pay her way.

I was going to tell you all about how we got off the train at Piccadilly circus and were surrounded by police cars and fire trucks and sirens from all directions......someone had thrown themselves in front of a train, think about what I could have made of all that if I'd used my imagination ( because thankfully we didn't see it, just heard the announcement " due to a person under the train services on the Piccadilly line have been suspended")
But I have to leave this house that has been the first place that has felt like home for years, the house that we all fit in and love.
That has chandaliers and big hallways, 2 bathrooms, oh twoooooooo bathrooms......
As the landlady arrived the men that had just finished draft proofing and insulating the house were leaving. So, the people who are here next winter won't be pumping £60 a week in the gas meter. It will be warm and cosy and cheaper to run. This work was done by the council, free of charge because we have Isaac, so they just improved and increased the value of the property for our landlady, it's alright for some, isn't it? We won't benefit at all from that little project although it was me that did all the paperwork and dull admin.
I look really old today, weary and worn down.
I don't feel as though I can do this all again and for what? A year somewhere else until we get moved on again?
I was so excited to tell you about the boys waking up at 4.30am on tuesday and thundering down the stairs yelling " See if Daniel is here !!! DAAAAAAAAAAAANIELLLLLLLLLLLLL !!!"
I was longing to tell you how he took them to the park and on a nature trail for 2 hours, how he told them that they could look at the lake but not go in it....SPLASH...Elijah.
How he had gone to visit Gramma and Eli ( who had been with gramma) saw him and insisted that he needed to be with Dan and not stay at gramma's and watch High school musical.
How he had them standing on logs and was telling them some tale and then " I need a WEEEEEEE!" said Elijah as he dropped his drawers and let nature take it's course.
How he looked exhausted when we got home at 10 pm with Eli fast asleep on his lap, Isaac fast asleep in bed with ALL his clothes on because OH NO.....can't get changed or undressed if mum or dad aren't here here.How he smiled and said " Sorry it's messy, I really tried but ... hell.....I learned that no matter HOW fast I clean it, they can unclean it even faster"

My head though, is just full of MY HOME and my envy of landladies and lords ( who thought that stupid thing up? Lords and Ladies, my arse) and how easy it is for them to change peoples' lives at the drop of a hat and leave us feeling so helpless and bloody worthless and stupid because damn it, if we didn't make choices that mean property and money and 'stuff' have always been low down on our list and family and tons of kids, battered old cars and rental properties have been what we have because that's just how it is. Ha ha look at the stupid people who hand us their money and pay our mortgages and leave themselves open to any kind of problems because they aren't smart and money wise and are so STUPID!

There are toilets on the coaches to London, teeny tiny little toilets that make me feel like a whale because I can just about fit in and pee if I am really desperate, ( and I ALWAYS get desperate because as soon as I know that I can't pee because that means using that horrible little chemical toilet, oh no, bladder is filling, can feel it filling....must not need wee, cannot stagger along coach and try to squeeze in that little loo) but make me sweat because one bump in the road and I could fall against that door and show the back of the bus just how tight that fit is and how white my big fat bum is.
A man went to for a pee and if I wasn't so consumed with the whole home being snatched away from us thing, I would so tell you that he was HUGE, he looked like a massive aboriginal warrior , he went for a wee, I know this because my seat was right opposite the toilet door, I could have knocked on the door if I had so chosen or even shut the door for him while he wee'd because he didn't, shut the door that is. I think he may have thought he had but he hadn't and my eyes almost flipped inside out in their efforts to look anywhere but at that gap and don't listen ... LOOK AWAY!!!! Ewwww he didn't wash his hands either, good job I am an English lady because I ignored him and looked away and won the battle over that urge to tell him he isn't in the outback now and over here, on our coaches to the Capitol, we wash our hands after we have done a wee and we DEFINITELY close the door.
We also don't fling ourselves at the feet of pretty landladies who at least had the decency to come and tell us face to face that we have to leave this house, we don't weep until they leave and we smile and say oh, that's a shame because we LOVE this house and of course we will be in when the agents come TOMORROW to measure up and ...no we don't mind at all having a FOR SALE sign outside out front door so that every time we look out of the widow or leave the house we are reminded that this may be our home but it isn't our house, so we have to leave. Don't give us another thought ...... I wish I could use my stiff upper lip to beat the crap out of something, my stiff upper lip that along with the quivering bottom one has broken out in 3 humongous cold sores in the last 4 hours.
So, we had a lovely time in London, my husband and I. I wish I could have told you all about it but we're losing our home, again. 7 homes in 7 years, here's to number 8.