Crossing fingers and spitting.

Funny, isn't it how it's easy to talk about the bad stuff and lament how awful things are and how tough and rough and moan, whine, grizzle,but when the good times roll, I am always a bit afraid to talk about it because....walls have ears and shhhhhhhh should the gremlins hear that things are happy, some bugger will be sure to come along and ruin it.
I have left the fog of misery. Praise be.
I had fun today, Jordan said I could tell his dad about the baby. You know, the first one, who has had another wife, another child and several dozen relationships that were all unsatisfactory to him for one reason or another.
He is actually quite a good looking man, your typical tall, dark and handsome. What you see is what you get, no hidden depths, no surprises. He has clung to his youth for way too long. Still wearing tight adidas t-shirts and leather wrist bands, he uses phrases like ' hang out' and 'chill' Are you getting the drift here?
What a joy then to be the bearer of impending grand-parenthood news.
" Hello" said he, returning my 37 calls.
" Hello, how hard are you to get hold of?"
( we have these scintillating conversations, it's a wonder our marriage didn't last)
" I know, listen, what's the news, I have been wracking my brains, it must be either that you have a) won the lottery ( as if I would call him to tell him that!)
or b) you are going back to America."
" Or" I replied " c) we are going to be grandparents"




" Or WHAT?"
" Yes, Jordan and Mel, having a baby"
He was actually very sweet for a moment and then it began to sink in and he nervously laughed about how that may not be a cool chat up line " Hi, I'm Kevin and I am a grandad"
He told me how hard he has worked to hold onto his youth
" Let it go Kev......buy some slippers and subscribe to a fishing magazine"
Ha ha ha ha ha......
He thought he might like to be grampy, which is sweet and touching except the chances of him actually seeing his grandchild or having very much to do with it are so slim, it is really quite sad.
I am wallowing in the gloriousness of how this all feels.
Every time I have had a positive pregnancy test I have experienced a range of emotions from excitement to sheer terror. Always the " what have I done?" feeling. What if it's a screamer? What if this one is the one I can't cope with? What if I should have only had 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5 .....maybe ........
Being a grandma? Already great. Not a single 'what if'. Just the excitement.
I can have things here for when the baby comes. Mel wants me to take her to Mothercare on monday. I am so thrilled that they want me involved in this time.
Sophie, my girl. She is turning into the dearest of girls. She now has an evening job and also, it would seem a boyfriend. At last. Someone who took her out to a beautiful restaurant and bought her champagne. Dan has met him and said he seems very nice......and has also said he is having a police check run to make sure he is a good man! Sophie has no idea how much she is loved. She is beginning to believe it though, at last.
It feels to me as though maybe, just maybe we are turning a corner. Now I've said it I have the heebie jeebies about jinxing myself. Shut up. I am so superstitious I get on my own last nerve.
I love this time of year. The boys are going to bed at 7.30 every night. Asleep within 15 minutes and they stay asleep until 7am. Cost evenings, just cool enough to wonder if the heating might be necessary, curtains drawn and good telly. Nearly time for hug teas like Cauliflower cheese and chicken stews. Time to start baking and filling the house with wintry smells and comforting tastes.
I adore the sunshine, it lifts my soul, but this time of year with it's fresh cool air, the promise of halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas......so much to look forward to, we like that.
I feel as though this new baby is bringing with it so much newness and hope. A chance to see everything differently. What a miracle babies are, even before they are born, no bigger than a bean this little one has already bought so much joy.
So, here's to the gremlins not reading this blog, let the good times keep coming. Please.