Not always the way it seems.

So, the great news is that we have the house, pretty much for certain. Sally the lovely agent was good to her word and she called to say that all our paperwork came back great and as long as the landlord hasn't changed his mind, it's ours 28th Jan, just over 2 weeks. New home.

The less great news is that because I didn't listen to my mum ( and you know we should unless they are stupid and not real mums) we made one mistake that has pretty much ensured we can't sue the slumlord, I mean landlady. She wins. For about 3 seconds.
We will lose that £750, which means we are about £400 down on the money we need to move into the new house. I think I may have sold the trampoline which brings it down by £100.
We will have to struggle and worry and be a bit poor for about a month. Then we are done. New house, new HOME, new start, new landlord, new beginnings.
We will have a clear heart and a fresh page.
Landlady will have £750 of our money, just once more. Then? Well then she has another empty home, another unpaid mortgage. Another house that no-one will want because she hasn't taken care of it.
I felt unmentionable rage for about 15 minutes when I discovered that if we proceed with court action, it will mean as much trouble and misery for us, as her. Life sometimes just isn't fair and for that short time I honestly could have pummeled her face if I had been anywhere near it.
Then, well something took over. Upbringing. Teachings and examples and lessons about integrity. About how money is great as long as it lasts and as long as it is used to the good. As long as it has it's place and doesn't become too high on your list of important things, money is just great.
What money isn't worth is losing your good name, your self esteem or your dignity.
The feelings of resentment and anger were making me miserable, now I feel better.
Landlady is much more worried than I am. She has lost more than I have. She has less than I have. She has, because of greed, slid into a huge hole and every time she scrabbles to get out, more dirt falls on her. She is grabbing at people to try and stay above ground and momentarily she hurts us as her nails dig in..then she falls a bit further and she has to let go. Until she learns that to get on in life you have to treat people well, you have to have integrity.
When we are in our new home, paying less rent, saving money on utilities and petrol, when we are back in the very area that made us feel so safe and content, she will be worrying about how she will cover the costs of another empty home, another house that she owns that is rotting and losing value.
In the summer when we are enjoying the sunshine and our new life, she will watching several gardens become overgrown and more unmanageable.
She is not to be envied, not at all, for the price of £750 she lost another family that could have helped her.
All my life I have been taught about forgiveness, about letting go of resentment and how important that is. Today I learned it for myself because I really DID let go. I stopped caring about what will happen to her, what I can do to make her sorry, how I can make her pay for all she has put me through. It feels great, like getting out into the fresh air after being stuck in a stuffy room.
The whole time I was angry at her...she didn't know, it wasn't hurting her at all. It was eating ME up inside.
Also I learned that we have responsibility here too. We should have said No.
No to leaving the barn.
Absolutely NO to living here.
NO to doing repairs ourselves.
NO to cleaning other peoples' mess.
No to ANYTHING that wasn't signed, sealed and above board.
Just stick with the tenancy agreement, do what it says on the paper and say NO to anything else. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.