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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

On the first of the year.

I took this of H today, with my new camera. I love this picture. I love his face( when it's not doing 'that' face, the one that says he disapproves, this is not 'that' face, so I love it.)
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Today was a nice one, late start, dinner with Jordan and Mel for company ( can see a sweet little belly with the grandbaby in it)
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( he is such a lanky git isn't he? I drove them home and he almost had to fold himself in half to get in the car)


Bike riding for Isaac, making them eat chocolate to get rid of it because ....BLECH enough with the chocolate! Tomorrow we crack open the slimfast and hoorah for it.

I hope that very soon I can muster some energy to put stuff away , there never was any novelty to sitting in such chaos, if there had been it would be so far gone by now.
Sophie's belongings still piled high. I was told today that the 40+ man that she will be sharing a home with, has his face half covered in tattoos. I am beside myself with what to do, what to DO? She is 18, she is hell bent on showing me that she is in control and all is well. I hope this man isn't involved in drugs but it sounds as though he is.
What to DO?
Isn't there a time when this all gets old? I mean for her, it all got old for me years ago. I truly believe she has guardian angels surrounding her because she is immersed in what would be, for most people, hell. She puts herself there and yet somehow she is protected and somewhat unharmed. I pray a lot that she will remain that way, that somehow,one day she will wake up and want to be in the light and the joyful part of town.
She is so beautiful, she says she sees it but I think she can't. She must feel as low as the gutter to put herself in these places and situations.

The jet lag situation has lost it's appeal, the boys are awake at 1-2am and sleep until noon, they are so out of any kind of routine it irks me. They have one more week until school so hopefully we can get them back on track in the next day or two. I love my evenings and they are eating into every minute of peaceful time I may have. It does not make for a cheerful and responsive mother I can tell you.
Should I tell you that I have found a house. A wonderful house, almost like the perfect, right in town house, the one that was sold from under us so suddenly and painfully.
It is the same kind of house, big and old, large rooms, thick walls. It has it's own parking space right outside the front door, it has a workshop ( you should have seen H's eyes light up when he saw it!) It has a utility room ( no washing machine in the kitchen) it has a yard big enough to dry laundry and put up a basketball hoop. It is right near town and close to school, no need to drive to town, we can walk to school. With Petrol at almost £5 a gallon ( $9/10) that would make an enormous difference to us.
We viewed it yesterday and the agent is one with whom we are well known, she was the agent for the beautiful town house I so loved, she is going to call the owner on thursday and tell him what model tenants we are, put in a good word and we hope that we will be accepted as tenants, £100 a month cheaper than this stinking damp hole that I just cannot love. I see the potential for this house we live in but I just hate it. Simple as that, I can't like anything about it. Stinking damp floors, leaking ceilings, stupid lack of stupid outlets, extension leads everywhere. The smell is just revolting to me. Is there a worse smell than that damp, mouldy odour? It soaks into your soul and nothing covers it.
I drive home and as I turn into our drivway my heart sinks and I long to be anywhere else. That si not a good way to live. I have been physically ill since we moved here. More stress than anything else but certainly connected to this house.
I can even bear the thought of the actual move if we get this house we saw yesterday.
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Look how ordinary it appears, but when we walked inside my sould came alive! I knew it, I breathed it in. I said over and over again " Sally, please get me this house, this is my home!"
I feel remarkably calm because what will be, will be.
I am slightly worried by how much joy I feel at the thought that I could tell landlady that we are done, no more rent, here's the key to the stinking hovel. See ya. I worry because that's not nice, is it? Maybe being so unpleasant will jinx me somehow. Oh well.
February would be good to move but if we have to move at the end of this month, in order to snag this house, we'll do it. I am having trouble not packing boxes and taking pictures down, the very thought of getting out of this bleak house is such a joy to me. To move to this house,well that would be like waking up from a horrible dream. I am ready to wake up.

All kinds of things are happening, amazing things, surprising things and incredible things. When I see what is for real and what isn't, I'll be sure to letyou in on it. For now, its all just a nice feeling, hopeful and positive. I don't think any of us can ever have too much of that can we?

4 Comments:

Blogger justLacey said...

No ma'am we certainly can't. I hope it all goes so right for you. Here, Lyric is still sick and I am sick of being sick and taking care of sick people. It has been the whole holiday so far and even before. I hope you send some good change fairy dust my way. Will be looking for a job soon unless a miracle happens.

9:19 pm  
Blogger Clara....in TN said...

Oh, I hope you get the house. That is lovely. It looks huge!

12:42 am  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

Oh the house looks beautiful! Hope everything works out for you. I know you will feel much better somewhere else.

2:37 am  
Blogger noname said...

To me that's not ordinary. I think it has character! Love the picture of H. He looks very calm and peaceful in it. Good luck on the sleeping thing with the kids. Mine got off over break, too. It's been hell getting Jax to go to sleep at a decent time, but she's getting there.

5:56 pm  

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