Well then...

We had a call. The lovely lady Sally... " Hey Helen, we got the go ahead on the house, if you want to come in and pick up the forms we'll get right onto it"

What does this mean? To me? It means the world.

I had my home. The beautiful and perfect, for me, home in the town. When I saw that house I felt that all my life had come to it's rightful place, this was where I was meant to be with my family and I loved that house.
There were things I didn't like, the people in the flat below with their smoking parties every weekend. The damp, the trials we had with Sophie, the noise from Jordan and his friends. That stuff made me mad, sad and irritable but the house, well it was right for me.
The news that it was being sold, the sale happening so fast and then the worry of where to go what a horrible time that was...then the Barn, what a treat that was, we always knew it would be a temporary thing but never would I have imagined that it would be only 8 weeks. We had the best summer there, we made the very most of that opportunity and my delusions of grandeur wept when we left.
My whole soul cried that we had to move to HERE.
I am not a snob, not really.
I love nice. I adore clean. I crumple at grand.
This house is none of those things, it's dark spirit and it's penetrating and ( to me) overwhelming smell makes me unhappy every minute I am here. I have tried so hard to make it feel like home, I can see that it has potential but for me, it just can't feel right. It's walls hold way too much sorrow and fear. I have no way of knowing what has happened in this house but I know it has seen bad things.
I don't like people coming here, I am on edge when anyone visits, I don't sleep well here, I have been a poor sleeper for years but this house has hit H too, neither of us sleeps well. Between us there is someone awake almost every minute of the day and night, when I fall asleep he wakes up, almost as though someone has to keep watch.
Even with the heating on 24 hours, this house feels and smells damp, it isn't welcoming or cosy.
I am so sad here.
This new house....we walked through the doors and I felt my lungs work properly, for all these months I feel as though I have been breathing so shallowly ( did I make that word up?) This house made me relax. Within minutes I knew I wanted it, I saw 2 rooms and the hallway ( huge hallway with room for beautiful tables and lamps) and I knew I wanted it.
I looked at H and saw that spring in his step, he feels the same way he did about the perfect town house. This house has no people underneath, it will have no teenagers, it has no damp ( perfect that it hasn't been newly decorated because that lets me see that there is no damp!) I first saw this house in August when we moved here, it has been empty since then and it DOES NOT SMELL! It doesn't smell damp or musty, doesn't smell dirty or mouldy. It doesn't even smell empty.
It is old and has those glorious thick walls. It has wilton carpet which is one of those love or hate things and I love, frumpy but never shows a bit of dirt! Lasts for ever. It is patterned ,which would be a problem except it really will go with our furniture, it feels good. No more hideous cream, stained floors, no more navy blue ripped and shredded and stained carpets.
It has a new kitchen and a new bathroom and the rest is as it was when it was built, big cupboards, walk in pantry, big windows, heavy banisters on the stairs. The lounge has a gas fire which is ugly, but I will love it, the dining room has a fire that isn't ugly, we have gas central heating.
The yard is small but we have a yard, basketball hoop and washing line, we will miss the trampoline but that is the smallest price to pay isn't it?
I can't put my finger on how I feel.
I feel emotional, weepy almost. We have 3 weeks to move which means I have to call the landlady tomorrow, I am sure she won't like not having much notice but there are many things we haven't liked. I hope she doesn't try and make things too difficult because then I will have to get mad and well, who wants that?
She could cause problems, she is the only landlord that the agents will be contacting, if she tries to not give a good reference she will eventually look very silly as she has let us 3 of her houses....which pretty much says that she thinks we are good renters doesn't it?
She can try and withhold our deposit, then we have to sue her and she WILL have to pay at least FOUR times what she holds of our money, the law here says that landlords must invest deposit money in one of 3 places, they must then notify the tenants where that money is ( within 14 days) if they fail to do this, they are liable to pay the tenants the deposit back, plus a minimum of 3 times that deposit to a maximum of 10 times the amount. I wrote and asked her where our deposit is and she called to say that she hasn't invested it and that she has it in her account. So, if she does try to withhold that money, she will be the one to weep, it would though, cause a big old pile of hassle for us too, in the meantime.
I really hate this referencing business, just knowing that there are checks being put out on us makes me feel iffy. I'm sure there isn't anything terrible out there but ....ack I just hate being so scrutinised.
I feel remarkably calm because it is out of my hands, we have done all we can, it has ( just like the other perfect house) all fallen into our laps, things have happened, all in the most perfect time scale. Why worry, if it is meant to be, it'll happen, if not, well something else is waiting. I am pretty sure that this is where we will live next though. We will see spring and summer there, my pots will sit beautifully outside that front door and bloom, they will be happy and grace our new home.
I am already planning where things will go, what I can do with the utility room, I am picturing the kitchen, can visualise the dining room, not so much the lounge because I can't remember it well and know that not ALL our furniture will fit in it, again not a sadness because it will be a cosy and happy room. It really will.
So, things are moving incredibly quickly and I have a feeling that this time next month we will be in and taking a deep and well earned breather.
One more time of doing all those forms, all the address changes, all that running around and packing, lifting and moving, planning and making phone calls. Once more.
I have a load of other things to chase up too, the appeal on my sickness benefits, school for Elijah Henry, last of my babies.
My skin is sort of healing, the skin on my hands pretty much all fell off but thanks to Marilyn's miraculous hand cream, the new stuff is coming on nicely. My itching is troublesome today because moving is a huge thing for me, it worries me, I itch ( more) when I worry. My doctor is away until wednesday so I can't start the whole 'let's do some real digging and find out what the blazes is happening and try and sort this itching thing out please' progress.
We also have to find all that money again, the search fees ( £141) tenancy agreement ( £80) rent and deposit = £100 ( rent is fine as we already would have that to pay on this one and the new one is £100 cheaper) if Landlady hands over the deposit that won't be a problem either. Removals van, petrol etc, I don't have my big old van anymore, so I won't be able to ferry furniture around the way I did with the other moves, however, this does mean that it'll be a one day 'get it over with' move. Exhausting on the day but ultimately less stressful ( I hope!) less all on my shoulders too.
I am going to try really hard to involve H more on this one, hand over some responsibilities and have him take some of the load, I know he can do it I just have to tell myself that I do not have to do it all myself ( control freak!)
So, a new day dawns, a new year, new house, new beginning ( they can get a bit boring when you have so many!) New baby soon, new life without any children at home every day. Watch out world, here I come!