Well then...

We had a call. The lovely lady Sally... " Hey Helen, we got the go ahead on the house, if you want to come in and pick up the forms we'll get right onto it"

What does this mean? To me? It means the world.

I had my home. The beautiful and perfect, for me, home in the town. When I saw that house I felt that all my life had come to it's rightful place, this was where I was meant to be with my family and I loved that house.
There were things I didn't like, the people in the flat below with their smoking parties every weekend. The damp, the trials we had with Sophie, the noise from Jordan and his friends. That stuff made me mad, sad and irritable but the house, well it was right for me.
The news that it was being sold, the sale happening so fast and then the worry of where to go what a horrible time that was...then the Barn, what a treat that was, we always knew it would be a temporary thing but never would I have imagined that it would be only 8 weeks. We had the best summer there, we made the very most of that opportunity and my delusions of grandeur wept when we left.
My whole soul cried that we had to move to HERE.
I am not a snob, not really.
I love nice. I adore clean. I crumple at grand.
This house is none of those things, it's dark spirit and it's penetrating and ( to me) overwhelming smell makes me unhappy every minute I am here. I have tried so hard to make it feel like home, I can see that it has potential but for me, it just can't feel right. It's walls hold way too much sorrow and fear. I have no way of knowing what has happened in this house but I know it has seen bad things.
I don't like people coming here, I am on edge when anyone visits, I don't sleep well here, I have been a poor sleeper for years but this house has hit H too, neither of us sleeps well. Between us there is someone awake almost every minute of the day and night, when I fall asleep he wakes up, almost as though someone has to keep watch.
Even with the heating on 24 hours, this house feels and smells damp, it isn't welcoming or cosy.
I am so sad here.
This new house....we walked through the doors and I felt my lungs work properly, for all these months I feel as though I have been breathing so shallowly ( did I make that word up?) This house made me relax. Within minutes I knew I wanted it, I saw 2 rooms and the hallway ( huge hallway with room for beautiful tables and lamps) and I knew I wanted it.
I looked at H and saw that spring in his step, he feels the same way he did about the perfect town house. This house has no people underneath, it will have no teenagers, it has no damp ( perfect that it hasn't been newly decorated because that lets me see that there is no damp!) I first saw this house in August when we moved here, it has been empty since then and it DOES NOT SMELL! It doesn't smell damp or musty, doesn't smell dirty or mouldy. It doesn't even smell empty.
It is old and has those glorious thick walls. It has wilton carpet which is one of those love or hate things and I love, frumpy but never shows a bit of dirt! Lasts for ever. It is patterned ,which would be a problem except it really will go with our furniture, it feels good. No more hideous cream, stained floors, no more navy blue ripped and shredded and stained carpets.
It has a new kitchen and a new bathroom and the rest is as it was when it was built, big cupboards, walk in pantry, big windows, heavy banisters on the stairs. The lounge has a gas fire which is ugly, but I will love it, the dining room has a fire that isn't ugly, we have gas central heating.
The yard is small but we have a yard, basketball hoop and washing line, we will miss the trampoline but that is the smallest price to pay isn't it?
I can't put my finger on how I feel.
I feel emotional, weepy almost. We have 3 weeks to move which means I have to call the landlady tomorrow, I am sure she won't like not having much notice but there are many things we haven't liked. I hope she doesn't try and make things too difficult because then I will have to get mad and well, who wants that?
She could cause problems, she is the only landlord that the agents will be contacting, if she tries to not give a good reference she will eventually look very silly as she has let us 3 of her houses....which pretty much says that she thinks we are good renters doesn't it?
She can try and withhold our deposit, then we have to sue her and she WILL have to pay at least FOUR times what she holds of our money, the law here says that landlords must invest deposit money in one of 3 places, they must then notify the tenants where that money is ( within 14 days) if they fail to do this, they are liable to pay the tenants the deposit back, plus a minimum of 3 times that deposit to a maximum of 10 times the amount. I wrote and asked her where our deposit is and she called to say that she hasn't invested it and that she has it in her account. So, if she does try to withhold that money, she will be the one to weep, it would though, cause a big old pile of hassle for us too, in the meantime.
I really hate this referencing business, just knowing that there are checks being put out on us makes me feel iffy. I'm sure there isn't anything terrible out there but ....ack I just hate being so scrutinised.
I feel remarkably calm because it is out of my hands, we have done all we can, it has ( just like the other perfect house) all fallen into our laps, things have happened, all in the most perfect time scale. Why worry, if it is meant to be, it'll happen, if not, well something else is waiting. I am pretty sure that this is where we will live next though. We will see spring and summer there, my pots will sit beautifully outside that front door and bloom, they will be happy and grace our new home.
I am already planning where things will go, what I can do with the utility room, I am picturing the kitchen, can visualise the dining room, not so much the lounge because I can't remember it well and know that not ALL our furniture will fit in it, again not a sadness because it will be a cosy and happy room. It really will.
So, things are moving incredibly quickly and I have a feeling that this time next month we will be in and taking a deep and well earned breather.
One more time of doing all those forms, all the address changes, all that running around and packing, lifting and moving, planning and making phone calls. Once more.
I have a load of other things to chase up too, the appeal on my sickness benefits, school for Elijah Henry, last of my babies.
My skin is sort of healing, the skin on my hands pretty much all fell off but thanks to Marilyn's miraculous hand cream, the new stuff is coming on nicely. My itching is troublesome today because moving is a huge thing for me, it worries me, I itch ( more) when I worry. My doctor is away until wednesday so I can't start the whole 'let's do some real digging and find out what the blazes is happening and try and sort this itching thing out please' progress.
We also have to find all that money again, the search fees ( £141) tenancy agreement ( £80) rent and deposit = £100 ( rent is fine as we already would have that to pay on this one and the new one is £100 cheaper) if Landlady hands over the deposit that won't be a problem either. Removals van, petrol etc, I don't have my big old van anymore, so I won't be able to ferry furniture around the way I did with the other moves, however, this does mean that it'll be a one day 'get it over with' move. Exhausting on the day but ultimately less stressful ( I hope!) less all on my shoulders too.
I am going to try really hard to involve H more on this one, hand over some responsibilities and have him take some of the load, I know he can do it I just have to tell myself that I do not have to do it all myself ( control freak!)
So, a new day dawns, a new year, new house, new beginning ( they can get a bit boring when you have so many!) New baby soon, new life without any children at home every day. Watch out world, here I come!

In an English country.......front room???

I am going to post this, even though I suspect it will cause envy of such magnitude you will hardly be able to contain yourselves.
We have something you don't have, I would put money on it.
Shall I show you? It's the front room, dog pooh room, carpetless what shall we do with it room, now known as the garden room.
Awwww, the garden room, because it is turning into a garden...for real.
We have foliage, growing up out of the floor.


See? Hahahahahahaha. Ha.

Actually I am beginning to feel differently about this room, I think the devil has moved out and the angels have planted a garden, or something. It doesn't feel so dark and I can go in there and picture it with carpet and pretty things, nice curtains and well, as a room. The foliage will have to go though, that's for sure!
Life is full of little moments isn't it?

It's all just peachy, well some of it is.

Tomorrow, just after one o'clock, I am going with Mel and Jordan to see my grandbaby. Little dot that it is. I am so excited about this baby, it is completely different than expecting your own baby. It's all just joy. We love joy, can't get enough of it I tell you.

Yesterday was a horrible day, it got worse after I wrote my blog, door slamming and harsh words ( from me) staring ahead and table turning ( from H, not literal table turning, as in turning over tables, that would mean emotions and temper and stuff, I mean " But you were hostile and argumentative and started it", kind of table turning. Which I loathe and always results in me behaving in a hostile and emotional way, slam, throw, mutter under breath and swear.

Today was still a bit of a grumpy one until we just got over it and after a little bit of pretending none of it happened, we had a quick chat and got on with our day. As we do.

I am getting satisfaction from living so frugally, I like spending money, a lot, no matter what I spend it on, I get happy from buying bread and toilet paper ( sad cow) so not spending money is hard for me. I do like however seeing what is possible when you buckle down and go without. I go to the Hotel website and look at the pictures, I read the reviews from previous guests, I look at the pool and the trees, read about the local amenities and mentally stroke the lovely white sheets and crisp pillow cases on the huge beds, I think about 3 weeks of having someone else make my bed and that gets me through another day of not buying 'stuff'.
I have to defend that statement by saying I am not a twit with money, I don't rush out and spend spend spend just for the sake of it, in fact, I am a bit of a whizz at making a penny do a pound's job. I do love to buy a bargain.

I am sad to say that my previous love of a 2nd hand bargain has deserted me, a raging case of scabies will do that to a girl, I am now scared of stuff other ( unknown) people have touched. I am often to be seen using my anti bac foamy stuff, shudder at the thought of used clothes, as for soft furnishings.....EWWWW! How sad is that? My life has changed in many ways since developing the itch from hell. ( which is still very much around, not burning and making me weep but scratching and irritating and very very tiresome.)
I no longer paddle around in bare feet, in fact I cannot walk in this house with bare feet, ever. I am a slippers by the bed gal, they stay on my feet until I am IN bed, kicked off as my feet leave the floor and slipped back on before I touch carpet the next day. If I forget ( which I haven't for a week now) my feet swell, burn and ITCH.
I think I am allergic to the house!
Funny ( ha de ha) thing, Landlady says she is working on re-financing this house and that would mean we could stay ( oh the irony!!) however, this would mean that she would 'need' to rent out the flat. Uh oh..the flat is a hovel, it is dangerous and dark and truly a place of misery. The only type of person that would be willing to live in that place is a person who doesn't give a damn where they live. Exactly the type of person who used to live here. OH NO, not while I am here! There is no way I am living here if she puts someone like that in the flat. This is not a well built, seperate dwelling. It is a garage that has had a square room shoved on, no natural light, no seperate gas or electricity, or water. The entrance is inside OUR home, there is no seperate entrance to the back door. There is nowhere to put a stove, nowhere for a washing machine.







Who can she expect tto live there and actually PAY her? We would be back to that ' oh you pay the gas/ electricity/ water and we'll give a pitance back to not cover it scenario. I think not.
I can imagine a single man, no standards or cares at all, pretty much right here in our home. No way. The garden would be shared and it would mean that whoever would be in an dout and not locking the gate etc. Nope.
The good thing is, she can't possibly put anyone in there for a while. ( or can she? we all know she doesn't worry about whether a place is actually habitable)
I have to make myself switch off and try and just think about our trip and then face it all when we get home. I can't think about the possibility that she might move someone in while we are away.
She has shot herself in the foot which helps us out. There is a new law here that works in favour of tenants. Landlords are legally obligated to invest a deposit within 14 days of receiving it. When we moved from the lovely house to the barn, she should have invested our £850 and within 14 days sent us written evidence of where that money is. She didn't / hasn't. When we moved again this money should have stayed in the invested account. If the landlord ( lady) doesn't invest or doesn't inform the tenant where this money is, the tenant can then take the landlord to court and will then get back the deposit AND 3 times the deposit amount. Also, if the landlord fails to do this with the deposit, they are NOT allowed to issue a notice to quit or eviction notice.
I wrote to our landlady to ask where our money was, asked her to give me written evidence of where she had invested our money. She called last week to tell me not to worry, she had the money and that she hadn't invested it anywhere......"it's OK, I have it in my account, you don't need to worry about it, you know when you move out you will get your deposit back"
BINGO!!
I feel at least that this is on our favour, if this all goes horribly pear shaped I know that we can fall back on this, she has been so silly, to own this many properties and rent them out and NOT abide by the rules and laws is asking for trouble.
I also asked her about the rotten floor and her reply was that she had told us not to use the shower. I told her again that this is nothing to do with the shower, that the floor is actually caving in and it is right in the place where we HAVE to walk to get into the bathroom. Her reply to that was that she would come over some time this week and have a quick look. She's great isn't she?
When asked about the gas boiler and when it had it's last safety check she told me that 'Oh yes, it IS due for a safety check, I'll get on to that."
You know how sick and tired you are of reading this crap? Yeah. It's like that living it too.
Isn't it hysterical that the one house I long to get out of, the house that makes me physically ill...is the one she can't kick us out of? The one that she is even thinking of keeping so we can stay here for years and years? My side ache from all the laughing I tell you what. Not.
I actually love where the house is. If it were mine and I could rip out carpets, knock down rickety old flats, make safe floors and windows, I would love it. As it is.....I hate it. There I said it. I hate this house, I am like a mad woman here. Scared to touch anything without gloves, terrified to walk without shoes, breathing through my teeth because to me, it stinks.
Every item of clothing that hits the floor ( 3 little boys? Imagine how many socks, shirts, trousers, towels) anything that touches the floor gets washed, even if it has just BEEN washed. Eli drops his blanket a gazillion times a day, I am endlessly watching to see where it falls, on my rug...phew safe. On the carpet...wash it. Hard wood floors, that's OK, I bleach that so often I know it's OK.
Can you imagine how exhausting this is? Add to that the fact that I go to bed at 3am when the itching finally winds down a bit, am up again at 7am to take the boys to school. Tired. So tired. And very grumpy, snarl, snap.
Apart from that it's all pretty darn peachy.

Getting old is bloody marvellous.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I would do without this blog, there are times when I should probably be freaking out or cringing, instead, I find myself thinking of how I will blog what is happening. Like today. My hospital appointment was at 4pm, before I went to my appointment I collected 20 bags of gravel, ( 2 trips) went grocery shopping, did 2 loads of laundry......all the usual stuff, what I didn't do was remember to wear a white bra ( as opposed to a comfy but dingy used to be white one) or shave my legs, never mind, these people see a gazillion patients every day, what do they care?
So, reading a magazine in the waiting room ( and while we're on the subject, for goodness sake, look you hospital people, I like sitting in waiting rooms reading magazines I haven't read, why do you have to be so damn fast and on time and never let me finish a single article? This is the national health, aren't you supposed to be crap or something? What's with the in and out and not waiting deal? Get with it. No wonder my blood pressure is high when I don't get a minute to read about how to satisfy my man, while losing 20lbs in 2 days, or how to make a meal for 30 people in 3 minutes for less than £3, selfish and incompetant that's what I call it. Slow down. ) I heard my name called and when I looked up, great........young man, late 20's, handsome and well built.......oh well. Off we go.
What wasn't 'oh well' was that he asked me to strip to the waist and then lie on the bed. Then, while I lay, naked from the waist up, we chit chatted about the weather and the posters on the wall. I lay there while he lifted and placed stickers upon my bosoms, and guess what? I really and honestly didn't care. Not a bit. Even when he stuck one of those stickers on my hairy leg right next to my mosquito bite scab, even then I lay there without a care in the world, wondering how I could write about that on my blog and make people laugh, especially myself.
Getting older is truly quite fabulous. 10 years ago I would have been dying a thousand deaths, but now.......well, what does it matter? What's a fat belly and a few scars to a handsome young man I will never see again?
Anyway, the results were ...... my heart is as strong as an ox's. The consultant is pretty sure that the pains aren't coming from my heart. I have to go back for a few more tests to make absolutely sure but he was certain that this isn't angina. Hoorah then, worth flashing my poor old boobs to Mr Hunksville I would say.

I am beginning to like this house, what a relief. No tenancy agreement in the mail yet, landlady said it had been mailed, she is now in Florida for 2 weeks, until that agreement is here I cannot do any change of address forms, can't arrange the money and rent, can't get bank details changed over......maddening if she didn't get it done before she went away. Nothing I can do about it though is there?
The house though, looking good.......even outside, in fact especially outside. Crunchy gravel and mallow trees in pots. Divine.
The weather is completely fabulous, sunshine from morn til e'en, I am happy and loving it. I find myself wandering over to the windows and nodding a lot, hmmmmmmm, nod nod, lovely.
Washing on the line, garden is about as tidy and lovely as it can possibly be ( clever H) when the boys are at school tomorrow we can potter and play and enjoy time to be quiet and uninterrupted. Eli is at nursery in the mornings now which means he can go to school and then come home and have his nap...4 years old and still needs that 2 hours in the afternoon, I just adore 12.30 when he comes upstairs with me and literally laughs with joy as he crawls into my bed with me.....I want to hold onto every baby thing with this boy, especially the ones that include me being in bed, during the day. Especially those ones. Definitely.

Pictures

Oh, am so tired, can't write, fingers are all weary and head is all stupid, so much to say. Am online again, hoorah.
Here's the house, some of it anyway, no picture of dog pooh room ( which no longer stinks because I cut the shitty bit of carpet out and threw it far away ) because it will be a long long time before I like that room enough to capture it in a picture. No pictures of store room, because BORING! ( although very tidy) no pictures of garden because they are in my camera and I am too weary to plug in camera and card reader and do that photobucket thingummyjig, so a treat withheld for another day.
So, pictures......


Look at shiny bathroom with no slime or black stuff, or pooh. Lovely.



nice dining room, where we eat without gagging or thinking about dirty used to be things, miraculous.



lovely big kitchen with much stupidity and no planning. Lots of cupboards though. Cool.










I heart this room, even with funky headache picture, which I sit in front and don't see.









And look, by the wonders of modern technology ( and a bit of peace and quiet) we have pictures of the garden, and a how it used to be one, just so you can see what H has managed to do!





and .......



Damn, we're good!