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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Nine hundred and ninety nine.

Posts, I tell you now because that number is more pleasing to me than 1000. What in the world have I been blathering on about for 999 posts? All kinds of things, happy and heartbreaking, scary and hysterical. I love that I have written this blog, I hope that I will keep doing it and be able, in years to come, to look back and remember, cringe, laugh, cry, whatever I read, from way back when, I am transported right back and can recall exactly what I was feeling and how I got through it. I highly recommend blogs to all and sundry.
There are times when I almost forget why I started writing and am carried away by the need for comments. Lately the comments have dried up and because for some reason, Google stoped tracking for me, I have felt a little alone, once or twice, when I wrote a post that I thought was funny, or particularly poignant and darn it, no comments or maybe 1 or 2, I have ( to my shame) been disappointed and thought that I wouldn't bother anymore. Then the evening came around and I felt the pull of the laptop to spew all my woes, stories, thoughts down again and I realised that this blog is for ME. I love comments, I really enjoy knowing people have been here and read all my drivel but honestly, I need it for me. Also I have fixed google and so I can see that even if you don't tell me you have been here, I know you have. You can run but you just can't hide!

I have been walking though treacle just lately. You all know how I love CLEAN and TIDY and SHINY and SPARKLY, I love that, I don't have it though, not lately. I want it and crave it and yet every day I see what needs doing and ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I just can't. That sock right there? Should pick it up and put it in the wash but that would mean bending down and using muscles. Energy, energy wherefore art though energy? Lawdie, it's a rough trop these days. I am still incredibly stripey, pale and watery eyed.....old and weary. I have had to start admitting my shortfalls, saying I can't and sorry and I wish I could but.....
I can sleep until noon, get up for 4 hours and prefectly able to sleep again. Maybe I am catching up after 23 years of insomnia, whatever it is a bit scary. I even though, briefly because what a horrendous thing to feel, that I am dying. Whatever this whole deal is with my skin and bones and life, is something that is literally sucking the very life out of me. Stupid. It's so hard to have to look at people and say that I'm sorry, I would love to go and do and enjoy, but oh dear, I have itchy skin.....not very dramatic or symapthy inducing is it? Nothing to call it. Nothing to explain why I just haven't been able to wash that corner yet, clean that wall yet. All stuff that probably on'y I see ( apart from the kitchen floor, who could not see that floor?) H could ( and would certainly) do it, but it still wouldn't be the way I love to see it and anyway he is absolutely looking after these boys, taking them out for 2 hours so I can sleep.....entertaining them here while I sleep or sit and think about everything that I wish I could do.
It is certainly all getting worse without my being able to say how, exactly.
I have another appointment but it isn't until March 10th, which seems forever away, it'll fly by though I'm sure, what will be done at that appointment will remain to be seen, I forsee a bit of desperate pleading and and cure for all this nonsense. Please. Really please.
Have to go now, have been awake for 2 hours, need to lie down and scratch my stripey face some more.
Spell check is not working, hasn't worked for some time, I would apologise for the typos but blergh......it all adds character to my writings ( or something!) So, here's to 999 posts, better try and come up with a doozy for the next one! And...say hello for goodness sake!

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16 Comments:

Blogger Claire said...

Hello Helen. Here's hoping for another 999 posts!

11:20 pm  
Anonymous Leah said...

There's a 'elen. Love u

Leah

11:32 pm  
Anonymous julie bo said...

I feel the same way about comments.. silly really but we're human.

Love ya!

1:18 am  
Blogger Little Nothings said...

I figure since you've caught me I might as well go ahead and say what I've been meaning to say for some time now.

You have COMPLETE and TOTAL sympathy from me regarding the itchy scratchy skin, hives and the whole 9 yards. 4 times now in my adult life I have experienced the hives, the digging, the itching with no relief. The last time, I went into shock and ended up having to be admitted to the hospital. And this just happens to me round about in intervals of 6 months to a year not DAILY or even weekly for that matter. I feel your pain. I'm understanding that deep down itching... the kind that makes you want to get naked and drag your whole body across the carpet in hopes of getting that itch like it needs to be gotten. The one that every doctor was to look at, analyze and cure but yet not a one has a clue. I am so sorry for the fact that they can not figure out what it is that ails you. As I head to the bed here in a few moments I will be sure to stop for a few before falling asleep and say a pray for you and your itching and perhaps a miracle cure that you need, you want, that you deserve. The hives, the unsatisfiable itching, the mystery needs a cure. I'm praying for ya Mrs. Helen!

3:51 am  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

I read your every post, I do! But, my computer and/or connection doesn't always allow for a comment. Like, I had commented on your previous post about Jordan, Mel and baby and well, I'll be if the thing wouldn't go through. After about twenty mins, I was just staring at a white window...going nowhere, so i closed it out. Grrr.

wow, 999! What a number! I just posted my 505th post, i think.

I really hope the itching stops and more importantly that you can find a cause/cure for it. Darn it has to be so frustrating.

My dear, Helen, it sounds as though you may be experiencing some depression (and who wouldn't with the itching and all). Try to work through it and don't let it consume you. I worry about you! So much going on, always having to be strong, dealing with the itching and nonsense of it all, the moving and all the issues you have had to deal with in such a short amount of time. Be sure to take time for yourself to relax, unwind, do things you enjoy, etc.

Andy yes, Mel and Jordan look absolutely cute together! And, I say, make the baby bedding anyway! You can always use more than one set, anyway. The bedding her dad bought has to be washed! They can have two sets to alternate btwn and that can be nice, as well. Perhaps you can make a set that coordinates with what he bought so that it will still match the theme (if there is one). And maybe doing the project will help you to feel better.

Take care of yourself and keep on blogging....i would be lost if you didn't! Hugs and lots of love!

6:03 am  
Blogger noname said...

I don't get many comments. There's a few who comment every now and then but it doesn't bother me much. (much as in once in awhile.....it does)

I started my blog mostly to try and bring some sense to my thoughts. I knew that Matt was cutting and wanted so badly to talk about it, but it was a few months after I started blogging that I was finally able to start blogging about it. I wish I had from the start. Being able to look back, see it all in print..helps me in ways I couldn't get otherwise. Which, is exactly why I started my blog.

I'm bad for reading and not commenting, but I do read every post. I've been wondering what was up with you and checking several times a day the past couple of days. Cheers on the 999 and looking forward to more. :)

6:15 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello for goodness sake!

katiec

11:23 am  
Blogger justLacey said...

i am here every day. even if i don't comment. i just hate typing in my email and password and then that stupid letter verification thingy that sometimes you can read and sometimes you can't. shame on me.

12:15 pm  
Blogger Moobear said...

Hi Helen,

I am here too, but I fail to comment like I should as I always enjoy reading your blog so much! I do not blog very often therefore I do not get any comments. I guess I need to work on that. :) Keep up the good work and please know that I am here reading!

Claudia

2:24 pm  
Blogger mom of 2 said...

I read all the time, too, but don't always comment...sorry!

I do hope your itching gets better. My daughter gets hives a few times a year without rhyme or reason and it's very frustrating, especially for her! She's also had her joints swell up with them and we were told it was an "arthritic allergic reaction", but they couldn't tell us what it was a reaction to. They told me to give her about twice the amount of Ibuprofen for her age/weight at the time and also lots of Benadryl. I don't know that it helped, but I did it.

I'll say a prayer for you and hope that you are well soon!! :)

2:30 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hello, Helen! You know I'm here, right? Woohoo for 999! Here's to 999 more!

2:31 pm  
Blogger Donna said...

Hi Helen, first time here, you write wonderfully. I don't have a blog I just travel around and read here and there. Donna

4:42 pm  
Anonymous Sara, Maddie and Tyler said...

I'm here too Helen... always looking forward to reading about your wonderful outlook on life... both the good things as well as the not so good.

5:39 pm  
Blogger Julie Q said...

:) You know I'm here daily right? :)

I love you Helen!!

7:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still here Helen!

Kaje xx

7:55 pm  
Blogger justLacey said...

Well dear, you are loved aren't you? I would be jealous if I didn't love you so much myself.

8:40 pm  

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