As if there could be doubt.

You know, I'm not being flippant when I say that I am convinced the good Lord knows what He is doing.
So many times I have heard " Ho ho, if s/he were my first s/he'd have been an only child"
That's my Eli.
He is, of course, perfection personified. He has the sweetest and funniest face and I often look at him and just know that he is the image of some cartoon character or crazy little creature I have seen somewhere.....he has the kind of face that is just oozing character and is almost impossible to take your eyes from. Unfortunately there are many times during my day when I have to take my eyes off him and he never misses a chance, he never lets one opportunity go by when I am otherwise occupied to just be as , well, as ....Elijahish as he can manage.
I knew he was called Elijah before I knew he was on his way, I fought against it because it just wasn't my kind of name and I had moved back to England where names like Elijah are for movie stars from that country where people are so crazy they'll call their kids anything. Apple for instance ...I rest my case.
I read every name in every book imaginable , stands to reason he had to have a biblical name as I could hardly have Seth, Isaac and Fred could I?
I had lists as long as my arm but I knew he was going to be Elijah. I think he told me.......just as he told me he had to be born.
When I was carrying Isaac, 8 months pregnant and settling my 10 month old baby Seth to sleep, suffering from a split pelvis, living in my father in laws cramped house I rocked Seth and cried and felt so helpless and weary I knew that this was it. No more babies, Have Isaac and be done. I closed my eyes and was so relaxed, Seth fell asleep and I just enjoyed rocking and resting.
I'm not sure if I fell asleep or not but suddenly I was watching a scene....3 little people, 2 close together and laughing and playing and one little person, standing just a little way back watching. The 2 playing were saying how they would be together and always be friends and then they were gone, one little person standing alone until a man walked up to him and said " Oh, they have decided not to have you, don't worry though, you'll go to a great family who will love you, just not THAT family"
" This little person was bereft, sobbing and pleading saying " but I want THEM, I chose THEM and those are my brothers......"



Oh for the love of weariness, I knew there and then that somehow I would be having one more child.
He IS that child, from the day he was born he has just gloried in his brothers, his first smile was for them, he would strain and crane his neck to follow what they were doing, and now? He copies their every move. He adores them, he laughs at them, misses them when they are at school and nursery and he hugs and kicks them when they get home for a good hour before he lets them breathe again!
He learns every naughty trick and joy of joys he is so much less fearful of my wrath than they are! He has that absolute confidence that he is adored and that actually he can pretty much do anything, flash those goofy, misaligned thumb sucking teeth and make the world a good place again. He is the text book naughty kid, if it flushes he leaves it alone, if it doesn't flush he'll give it a go. He plays in toilet water, eats stuff that most of us would heave looking at, won't eat things we dream of, he jumps, draws, splashes, throws, kicks , if it's wet he jumps it in, spreads it, throws other peoples' shoes in it.
He laughs in the face of discipline...but he is canny, he KNOWS when he can't do some of those things. He somehow knows Auntie Leah can't see to run after him and he adores Auntie Leah. I watch him walk with Auntie Leah and he walks right next to her, he chats and holds her hand and I am stunned that he even knows HOW to walk, he never walks, he runs and charges and jumps, but he doesn't walk, unless he is with Leah.
He exhausts me, I feel my age after a full day with this boy of mine, but there isn't a day where I don't look at him and ask what if I HADN'T had him? People say that if I hadn't had him I wouldn't miss him but I think I would, I think I would have known that he was there somewhere and I would miss him.
When he was conceived and I told people I endured a barage of ( to me) insulting comments about how stupid I was, how thoughtless and careless and irresponsible I was, but I knew, I absolutely knew that I should have him and I didn't for a second feel irresponsible or careless.
There are many things I have done in my life that I have questioned afterwards but having this boy isn't one of them.
My very soul quakes at the idea of him being 13 but life has a way of helping us through and perhaps I shall be so mellow by then that he won't phase me a bit! If he does I shall send him to live with Auntie Leah.........always good to have a back up plan!