OK you guys....

It has come to my attention that we bloggers have one thing in common and that is that we are sufferers of all kinds of mental issues, from depression to multiple personalities to the worst case of all which is Lo syndrome..that's a scary one because if you have Lo syndrome you are obsessed with willies and go around taking pictures of weird stuff with a cell phone and also, you have parties a lot.
I have noticed that the funnier the blogger ( Dad gone mad / Dooce) the deeper the depression they admit to.
Based on that little nugget of information I ought to have you all rolling in the aisles today.
My head is bad, my temper is worse and I am utterly grateful that none of you can hear my mouth today.
What a hateful day. What a hideous way to feel.
I would love to make light of Elijah playing with his pee ( that at least is in his potty yeay!) how fabulous if I could laugh at the screaming and general chaos that is our home today. ( they sense it, don't they? Hmmmm mum seems miserable today, lets see if we can tip her over the edge)
I would love to use my boys pad today, a nice quiet padded room with no access to this world until I am ready again, til those meds that have made me this way are out of my system and never to be near me again.
I am afraid that it isn't the meds, what if I was just having a rest from that misery, the anger, the fear and it's back, like the devil to ruin some more years and steal the joy again?
I can't see why it would be back, the pain isn't back, nothing new has happened to hurt me, it has to be the meds doesn't it?
I had stopped swearing, at my most unhappy, I swore like a fish wife, like a navvy, every other word a curse one. It had stopped, I found myself offended by such words and couldn't imagine that I had been such a foul mouth. Last night I walked ( staggered) into the kitchen and somehow knocked a piece of wood away from the kitchen wall, at the same time slicing the underneath of my foot. I thought ( or did I think??) everyone was in bed and I let rip...a stream of foul curses that did nothing to release the anger, and in seconds there was H.....gentle and quiet and just there, fixing the damn wood.
I feel so bad, really bad, sad and so cross and just wishing I could disappear and not have my family have to live with this horrible me anymore.
I just want to be normal.

Verification is back on so I don't have a momentary thrill of anticipation, hurry to read my comment and find ads for damned contact lenses, bad breath and acne. Gah!