Just 3 sleeps....

And 3 little boys here are as wound up and hyper as it is possible to be, Isaac is having a hard time with it all I think, Elijah is unsettled at night time, I hope he isn't getting poorly, Seth is just argumentative. Oh fun.
We woke up this morning with no electricity, 6 hours later it was fixed but that was a loooooong time to be cold, H took the 2 littler ones out which helped but it is REALLY cold now, thank goodness for the fire in the front room, we huddled and snuggled and somehow passed the time.
I spent a long time thinking about how different things are now from when I was on my own with Dan, Jordan and Sophie. I have always made Christmas a magical time, always gone overboard but when you are alone with children it is so lonely at this time of year, I cried every single christmas eve, just to see those little people so excited and then so thrilled every christmas morning and not have anyone to share that joy with was heart breaking for me. I think I almost took for granted that things are different, I never thought that would happen.
My old life seems like it happened to someone else. I'm so glad I'm not living that anymore.......funny how while I was living it, I didn't feel as sad about it as I do when I remember it. That was a good thing because it meant that I could function and give my children such happy times.
People say so often that children don't need fathers, I agree that it is possible to raise happy and stable children without one or the other parent but it is SO much better when there are 2 parents who not only love the children but each other.
Some of the best memories I have as a child are those that showed me how my dad loved my mum, he wrote on steamed up windows that he loved 'Peg', he would bring her fish and chips on friday evening, even when they had no money.
We sort of all thought mum was in charge while we grew up, she seemed to be the one that made the decisions about us, if we wanted to go somewhere or do something we asked mum, if we wanted a ride, we asked dad. We didn't think he was less important, not at all.
When the first one left, my saddest thought was that my children would never know what it was like to have been raised their whole lives by their mum and dad......that is such a great feeling, I love that, it was such a safe feeling to come from such a family. What I didn't think at the time was that the first one and I would never have been like my parents anyway, had we stayed together our children would have had an unhappier life than they had with just me raising them.
I'm waffling and not making a whole lot of sense, it's late and I should go to bed. I just wanted to write a bit about how different it is this time 'round with these children.
I am so excited about christmas, seeing the wonder on their faces and being able to look at H and share that. Marvellous.
3 more sleeps.