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Phew....
Well the day started as it meant to go on! I spoke too soon about feeling better I think... after the bad start I crashed and spent the entire day in a humongous panic attack, stayed home from church and counted my breaths. In out, in out, keep doing it, in out, in out.
Stupid head.
H, bless his heart (and no damnings this evening,) quite calmly told me that he can put the pictures back on, that he will find the favoUrites, that it will be perfectly fine and he was sorry.... always so glad that I don't rip his head off when I am caught up in an irrational ( albeit understandable) funk with him, he is such a good man and only ever does what he thinks is for the good. He is so quietly understanding when I am such a freak out nut job, his calmness is so infectious and when he answers me gently and kindly it is impossible to stay angry. I love that we are kind to each other.
I really don't know what the deal is with me lately, I am infuriated to be so crazy when things are so good. I hate feeling so afraid and anxious, so tense and miserable. Today was a long, rough day, from waking until about 6pm I could hardly breathe for the pounding heart and that miserable tight feeling that makes you so sure that you're going to break somehow. I understand people who drink, who just take the edge off with whatever works and if I did that...I would be a slurring lush. Every day!
At 5.30 I was talking to a friend and on the spur of the moment told her that I had a big Cannelloni in the oven, some salad and garlic bread and asked her to come over and share it...worked like a charm, just having her come over and spend the evening broke the crazy spell, we had a lovely peaceful time and when she left at 10, I felt better. I love it when H is happy for people to be here, I always assume he likes to be quiet but in fact he just loves to have people over for dinner, a party, some tea...he loves it too. We should do it more often.
I hope we get some sun again this week, the rain all week hasn't helped cheer and brighten at all.
Sunshine. I want some.
Stupid head.
H, bless his heart (and no damnings this evening,) quite calmly told me that he can put the pictures back on, that he will find the favoUrites, that it will be perfectly fine and he was sorry.... always so glad that I don't rip his head off when I am caught up in an irrational ( albeit understandable) funk with him, he is such a good man and only ever does what he thinks is for the good. He is so quietly understanding when I am such a freak out nut job, his calmness is so infectious and when he answers me gently and kindly it is impossible to stay angry. I love that we are kind to each other.
I really don't know what the deal is with me lately, I am infuriated to be so crazy when things are so good. I hate feeling so afraid and anxious, so tense and miserable. Today was a long, rough day, from waking until about 6pm I could hardly breathe for the pounding heart and that miserable tight feeling that makes you so sure that you're going to break somehow. I understand people who drink, who just take the edge off with whatever works and if I did that...I would be a slurring lush. Every day!
At 5.30 I was talking to a friend and on the spur of the moment told her that I had a big Cannelloni in the oven, some salad and garlic bread and asked her to come over and share it...worked like a charm, just having her come over and spend the evening broke the crazy spell, we had a lovely peaceful time and when she left at 10, I felt better. I love it when H is happy for people to be here, I always assume he likes to be quiet but in fact he just loves to have people over for dinner, a party, some tea...he loves it too. We should do it more often.
I hope we get some sun again this week, the rain all week hasn't helped cheer and brighten at all.
Sunshine. I want some.
Labels: update
posted by The other me | 10:13 pm
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5 Comments
