me, me, ME ! Oh and some more about me -added Friday.

That's what this blog is about. Me. All of it. Of course I will talk about other people in my life but it will be about how they make ME feel. That's the whole purpose of this blog, to be able to say what I feel, whether it's a good feeling or not, righteous or not, worthy or not. It's mine. About ME.
I have six children and a husband and my whole life is about them, my every waking thought and action is for their well being, comfort, safety, happiness. From washing underwear to comforting fears their lives are my concern. It is of immence importance to me that my family knows that they are number 1 to me and so that's my job. What this means though, is that more often than not, I swallow my preferences to accommodate theirs, I sacrifice something I would like to enable them to have what they would like. This isn't a plea for recognition or reward, this is the fact of my life, I am not complaining, I am explaining.
So then, this blog is here for me to escape and to verbally vomit those things that I feel I need to get out, those momentary grouches that at times feel so valid and so HUGE that I just want to blurt them out somewhere. It works, I always feel so good when I have been here. Refreshed, validated, calmed.
What this blog IS NOT about is having people tell me I am wrong. Often I am, I know that. Perfection is so far away from me I'm amazed I know what it means.
On a daily basis I see what I could do differently, what should be done better, what could be changed. I do not need anyone coming here and telling me I am wrong. Thankyou. Don't point out my flaws, I have had enough people do that in the past. Don't try and make me feel like crap....get to the back of the line matey and wait your turn, except it will never BE your turn because this blog is MINE and I choose what happens here. Be mean and you'll be deleted. Simple. say anything I don't like and "POOF" you're gone. Isn't that just GREAT? I am Goddess of my blog I can wipe you out and make it as if you never were, so, don't waste your time even trying to teach me how to be a better person.
I have a life, in it are facts, realities, necessities, dreams, huge dreams and never in a million years will it ever happen dreams. This blog is the place I come to express some of the realities, many of the necessities and facts and to dream my dreams. I love it here, I can be who I like, dream what I like and say what I like...my dreams are just that, big houses, new kitchens, posh cars, no worries. My life ISN'T like that and I am acutely aware that if I so desired, I have the power to change that.
I have chosen, always, to be at home with my children...5 of the six have had or do have, special needs, extreme special needs and I have chosen to forego many, many material things in order to give my children my time, my love and my energies. I choose children, not stuff, I choose my family, not stuff..this is my life and I CHOSE IT. There are times when I look at the 'stuff' other people have and I envy them, for a few seconds...then I look at what I have, what I have given my children and I wouldn't trade a second of it.
None of my 3 older children have EVER mentioned not having designer labels as they grew up, none of them even knew we had no money, none of them ever call me or come home and say that they remember any of the toys, gifts, clothes they had when they were little. Every one of them talks about the picnics, remembers that they came home from school and ALWAYS found me there. They all remember being able to jump in puddles with Me watching them, remember christmas preparations and talk about the fact that everything they had was done by me. They remember feeling safe and happy and being the envy of their friends because they ahd ME. Reward indeed ...not that I was ever looking for any.
I am so mad that one comment on my blog has made me feel this need to explain myself. I could spit at the fact that the comment made me feel like crap.
I am of the ilk that will dig her heels in just to be stubborn when confronted and to hell with what people think......and normally I would behave as if I hadn't even read that comment and to hell with what they think.
One part of that comment hit home though and I will just say that it is my birthday on sunday...on monday, when my friend called and asked me to meet her the next day I was SO excited. I never go out, never do anything that could be remotely thought of as selfish or indulgent but this was going to be FUN. Jordan was happy for me ( good kids are like that, if you show them how great it feels to be kind they learn it well) and he said " hey mum, I have no idea what to get you for your birthday and when I ask you always say nothing, so, have this money and have a REALLY good day" and he gave me £50.
I was SO touched and immediately gave him some of it back. So yes, I did take money from my child. It paid for my petrol and I did have a great day, I walked around all day thinking that if I saw something I liked, for ME I could buy it.thankyou Jordan and it was made even greater by Jordan saying he would collect Seth from school so I didn't even have to clock watch. My day out was made fabulous by my son. Shoot me. Then I bought some matching shirts for my little boys and some lovely food for dinner with my family. I hope you feel better now that I have justified myself to you because I feel like shite.
At the moment I don't have a paid job but don't you dare say I don't work. I have 3 children who all appear to have special needs, a husband who is sick and for many reasons can't work outside the home. What we do in our lives is our business and it is hard. Much harder than passing the buck and leaving strangers to deal with the problems while we rake in the cash and buy our kids big toys to make us feel better.
This is NOT a bashing of working mothers, this is a reply to the comment that was left on MY blog. I am not stupid, I know that if I want a nice house I have to work for it ( unless I win the lottery then how sick would you feel?! Hell that makes me want to win it even more just to rub it in!) obviously I don't want it enough, which is why it is my DREAM!! Get it? My Dream ... and as I said before, you can't take that away from me. So go away and stop trying.


Just a PS...this e.mail came to me today...sent mistakenly to me instead of someone else, it is talking about an e.mail I sent tellinga friend I had been talking to someone about working for a nursing agency caring for people at home. Of course it seems all the credit for this move is to be given to the stupid arse who left the comment about how I should work for a living and the things I want and not just sit at home taking money from my children. As if.....I have been working towards going to work for months and this opportunity came this week, it is by no means set in stone which is why I haven't blogged about it yet, I just told a few people I like about the conversation....I didn't tell the sender of this e.mail because I don't tell her anything The sender of this e.mail is actually someone I have been breaking my neck to avoid.
Anyway, here it is....I am off to put out the fire under my butt so I can sit on it all day and wait for one of my kids to bring home some cash. ( ahhh I knew there was a reason I had so many, any day now I can live in the lap of luxury and have my offspring keep me in style!!)

Wow, good for her! I have never ventured into the world of blogs, just finding out about them really yesterday, but whomever lit the fire under Helen's butt did her a huge favour (just my opinion). Rob told me he read her blog last night and that she did a whole entry in reply to the deleted comment you sent me...so much for her "I don't care what you say" attitude. Maybe something really good will come out of it!

Something really good DID come out of it.....I learned that you probably shouldn't trust people sometimes and always go with your instincts, if you feel someone is better avoided, avoid them. Unfortunately we all care about what people say or think about us, it hurts and personally I hate it that I can be so stung by comments. DO I let it alter my life? No of course not but I certainly haven't reached a stage where I can read something mean about me or mine and not feel a twinge or be affected to some degree. I have had my say on this now and won't get into it anymore. I will delete , as promised anything I don't like and bask in the kind thoughts and wishes that come my way, after all this is all about ME.