Ramblings and dreams.

Oh thankyou thankyou!! Elijah the Henry boy is better, sweet joy, he woke up this morning and we were treated to that completely perfect and irresistable goofy grin and we could see we were in for a great day of making up for lost time. It's so easy to forget just how funny they are capable of being when they just cry and scream and whine for days, he has been so poorly and what a joy to see him back to naughty mode again. I know he is my 6th baby but it isn't even a tiny bit less exciting to see and hear how he is growing every day. He is learning to really speak, oh I love it, every sweet word that is lisped out of his divine mouth makes my heart skip a beat, not one taken for granted. He is quite a bit behind most of my children at this age but ahead of Isaac with his speech....he is just reaching the age where he will begin to display evidence of autism if it is there.
We see signs every day of course and we tell ourselves that it is autism, the next day it is put down to just being nearly 2....we're told over and again that no-one can know until he is nearer 3 if he will have aspergers or any other kind of autism but that doesn't stop us going almost cross eyed looking out for the signs. What will we do if he DOES develop autism, well whatever it takes, my sensible head tells me that to look for signs is ridiculous, if it comes, it comes.....my frightened 'please no more' head tells me that maybe I can do something, pray harder, hope stronger and I can send it on it's way. Eli is just so cheeky, just so deliciously naughty...it will be such a particular waste if this glorious cheek is dimmed in anyway. ( remind me of this when he's 14 and up to no good!!)
Seth had his first school report today, brilliant of course, more impressive is that he is a helpful and sweet friend and classmate, how clever that he is battling against his natural tendancies to boss and control..good boy my Seth Meister.

I was ridiculously excited today.....I didn't post that my coveted house next door was sold, my heart sank and I truly felt as though my hopes were crushed when I saw that sold sign go up. I couldn't even bear to put in writing. That must have been 3 or 4 weeks ago and I have gulped back ridiculous tears too often when imagining who was going to be in MY house with the 4 bedrooms and 3 toilets-- THREE TOILETS--- who was going to stroke those never before used kitchen worktops?


Who was going to park in MY drive and look out of MY windows?

I wondered if there would be children walking on those brand new carpets with bare feet just out of the bath and my soul wept when I found it it was a family with ONE child. ONE child in a 4 bedroomed 3 bathroomed house.
I am infinitely grateful that we have THIS house, it could be worse and so many people in the world would give their eye teeth for a house like this but we're SO squashed and there are 3 babies and 1 teenager in one of the bedrooms. One shower, one toilet. All this matters not as much as the fact that it isn't ours and I won't go into all that boloney about the inspections and handing over so much money every month that isn't being used to make US more secure or make this more OUR home.
Anyhoo, the SOLD sign was taken down today, something must have fallen through and MY house is mine to dream about again.
Such a modest dream I think...not a mansion or a castle, just a home, a real home that my little boys can grow up in, make memories in...where my big kids can have space and privacy and where my family can just 'be'.
I need a fairy Godmother or a lottery win....not Extreme makeover home edition for me, fabulous though that is, it's just too much, just a fairy Godmother who tells me that I can just live next door and never worry about having to move again. Sweet dreams are made of this! Can't take them away from me.