Friday.

I like fridays. Usually. Today was a good one. It started early, at 2am. Sophie came into our room to say that some creepy men were outside. Scarey.
The fact that she had GONE OUTSIDE TO ASK THEM WHAT THEY WERE DOING!!!! Is so mind blowingly terrifying that maybe we'll skip that bit. That bit where she WENT OUTSIDE IN HER NIGHTCLOTHES ( which consists of knickers and a vest) and walked outside into the VERY DARK ALLEY and said " Excuse me, what are you doing?" to TWO men who were digging in skips that belong to a charity shop. We won't think about that.
Except we will because who, when they admit that they are scared, feels moved to go and ask what they are doing. WHO DOES THAT??? ( apart from Sophie) People in horror movies do that, while we, at home, the sensible, real life ones, sit and scream at the TV..... "DON'T GO OUT THERE YOU STUPID GIRL!!"
Anyway they said they were looking for any good stuff that had been donated. Sad. AM so very glad there wasn't a beautiful big gob girlie person in that skip this morning.
I love guardian angels, Sophie's are so hard working, she must have several, that do shifts. Thankyou Angels.
I also like living here, where people dig in skips at 2am because they want to find some new trousers, not because they are hiding dead bodies and guns and stuff. Devon, I love you. I do, even if does rain here all the damn time.
I think maybe that was a reason just to get me out of my room ( and bed, that I was sleeping so soundly in, zzzzzzzzzz) because she was sad. So sad.
She cracked, first time ever I have seen this girl child of mine show any vulnerability. Crumbled little sobbing thing. We spent an hour or more talking, really talking and she listened. I can't tell how much she heard and if she heard it, chances are she didn't like it because I told her that she isn't going to be happy unless everything changes.
If she doesn't like herself, how can she ask anyone else to like her? If she is always ready for a fight ...she will get one.
If she pushes people away..they will stop trying.
Her dad has been totally useless from day one with her. He has crushed her over and over and she IS crushed. She is and has always been so sad that he doesn't show he loves her. I had to tell her last night that that is heartbreaking and I have shed many tears over it but, it's how it is, nothing will ever make him be a good dad to her, nothing will bring back her childhood and fill it with a loving daddy that cherishes her and gives her what she deserves. What she has to do is learn how to be happy from now on. It's time to leave the past behind and grab everything that the future has for her.
I got to really love her. She believed it, she let me hug her, tight and mean it.
We went shopping today for stuff, birthday stuff for her flat. Pink stuff. Towels and plates and cups, bowls and spoons. ALL PINK! She wanted to be depressed that this was her birthday loot, but she likes it.
There will be more and it will be fluffy stuff, that will be a surprise for her. I just wanted to grab the chance to spend time with her while the going was good and also to try and get her a bit excited about her birthday. She feels that the only man she could rely on was papa, now he left her too, on her birthday. Try and make THAT better.

Jordan is working on finding a place too. Hell. Imagine.
He is in love and she is sweet and because she can't stay here, he stays where she is. Blimey, they really did get the message and life here is so much better when people do as we ask.
His job is going well and he is growing up, not drinking and saving money ...... Hell. Imagine. Thank heavens for something to breathe and not have to think too hard about.

Dancing class tomorrow.
I love saturdays.