I play upon my own.

I picked the boys up from school today, kind me, rain and more rain and strong winds that take your breath away and sting your cheeks, i will pick them up in the car and carry them home in style.

" What are YOU doing here? Where's my dad?"

"Oh......I really want my DAD to get me"

"But where's my daddy?"

" I have the CAR and also CHOCOLATE!"

" I don't want chocolate, I just want my dad to pick me up"

" Don't you just have the kindest daddy?"

"Well, it doesn't FEEL like he is very kind when he doesn't pick us up"

I feel so cherished and adored and wanted.
That's what happens when you let someone else pick your kids up and they take scooters and basketballs and wait nearly 2 hours while the kids play with friends.
While I was at school I took the chance to ask about Elijah at nursery, so used to talking every other day about Isaac when he was there, we tend to just dump and run with Eli, the 'normal' one. He loves nursery and they never stop us to chat about a 'few concerns' so we assume he is doing well. He is. Hoorah. They tell me that he is a quiet little boy, keeps himself to himself and blends in.
ELIJAH???? Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs. I'd have laid money on him being a front man. Center stage and one of the lads. Not so. You live and learn. I spoke with him last night and asked about his friends. Asked him who he played with.
"No-one" whereas before he has always said Jared and beloved Mia. Apparently there IS no Jared and Mia is a bit of a livewire. He is happy and does all the activities, he is just very quiet.

"So, you don't play with anyone at all?"
"No, I just play upon my own" And it would appear that this is just as he likes it.

Shall I tell you , at the risk of sounding positive about something that I am losing weight? I almost hate to mention it as it must be some sort of freaky deal, certainly not anything I am doing consciously, 7lbs has slithered off all on it's own, perhaps I am eating myself up with stress or something, hooray, hang onto that silver lining I say. I wanted to start SLIMMING WORLD this week but the car ate all my money, hopefully I can start in a week or so when my balances are a bit healthier.
The final bit of car mending is happening on monday, my lovely local garage is fixing it for half of the price quoted by the other place, why I didn't just let them do the whole thing is beyond me, they are always so honest and thorough, I think my brain was farting or something. So another £230 and it should be ready to guzzle it's thirsty way through another year for us. Petrol is nearly £1 a LITRE now, that's almost $8 a gallon. Hell.
My biggest boy called yesterday, his words were " I've been thinking, look at houses to buy, I am going to get a mortgage, buy a house and you can rent it from me, then you'll never have to move" Bless his beautiful face. I said no but he says he is going to the bank anyway. I just think that housing your parents isn't in a childs job description. We will hold out for a council house and try to encourage him to but a small house for him to live in.
He is thinking hard about moving down this way, that would be such a blessing. He is unhappy with his job and is no longer with his partner ( hoorah, that man just held him back, didn't want him to do anything or go anywhere , dragging him down all the time) so the ties he has up there are loose now, he could get work here pretty easily, it would be so lovely to have all my kids nearby.
OH!!! Sophie has another job! This means that she could quite easily get a houseshare now. She seems happy and much more relaxed about moving out. What a relief. I really know that she will grow and be happier when she is independent. The new job is in a pub, which means that although she will still probably be drinking, she will be getting paid while she does it and the drinking will be less. I hope.
So things are slowly slotting into place, I am getting through the days in a fog of rather splendid mindlessness, trying not to think too hard about anything I can't change, having little daydreams about how, actually, there is as much chance of things turning out quite beautifully as badly, how we might actually get a lovely house in a nice area....... how splendid, looking at the do-nut instead of the hole, a new approach for me but not unwelcome. I might even stick with that way of thinking, it's quite nice I have to admit.