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I said " PISS" in front of my MUM!!
That's how bad things are getting around here! We had a day out today, mum, Julie, Leah and me, we went to Somerset and ate lunch and visited happy places and ate cake. ( Leah's birthday, happy 29 girlie)
I drove, because I have a big car and I feel a bit superior high above the minions, Julie has a Micra, you can image can't you?
It's name says it all, it gets many miles to the gallon and we would have all fit in OK, if we kept our arms tight next to our sides and didn't breathe in too deep. I think our bottoms may have been grating on the road though and I might have been afraid as I am so used to being up high. So we took my car and used 3 times as much petrol ( £30, ha I am so carefree and lackadaisical) Why am I telling you whose car we went in? It doesn't matter a jot. Still you know now so I shall carry on.
Also, before we left I had a panic attack and called about a house near us, a tiny little terraced house, 2 up 2 down that would be cosy and cheap and cramped but would have a roof and everything. I called after speaking to the man who gives not a damn at the council and having wept with frustration while actually ON the phone, enough, they broke me.
I left a message and as we were leaving Taunton, my cell phone rang and it was the owner ( no agents yippee up £300 before we start) anyway, we will go and see said little house on monday. It is comfortingly near this house, the next street but one even, awwwww...bless, we could still walk into town, school , Jordan is spitting distance away and Sophie, the girlie one, went today to see a bedsit just over the road, close but far enough away that we would never have to listen to that music again unless we visit her in her OWN HOME imagine. She needs a deposit of £400 which is huge for a young thing but she needs to find that so that she a) appreciates how much it all costs and b) she then takes care to look after her place and get that back again. It's tough being tough but it's what has to be done. She is going to be OK, she is....isn't she?
Anyway, as we were driving back , after I had wept ( actually was weeping as the phone call came through) I said to all and sundry who were trapped in my car, a captive audience, unable to escape unless they were willing to throw themselves out onto the motorway....
" Actually, " I said " I am just very tired of feeling like I am just waiting to be happy, I thought moving into this house would be the beginning and then damn if Dad didn't die, selfish git ( they love me enough to laugh when I say things like that, even though they all still miss him so much that it is impossible to hear a blackbird sing without making their eyes leak) then, well we just start to feel that ..deep breath....OK NOW we can start, now it's going to be great...look sunshine .....arseholes, house sold HOMELESS!"
at this point, as I had to draw breath, mum chipped in with
" Helen, it will be fine, when you are 86 you will look up and realise you are happy, you will say...."
I had a lung full of air by now, was ready to talk again so I broke in with
" I'm sitting here in a puddle of my own piss but I have never been happier!"
I said THAT to my mum ( who said 'bloody' once, I heard her, I'm not sure she had ever heard the word 'piss' in her whole life until right that very second)......I think I made her make her own little puddle right then, right there, in my car, which is fine because it smells of dog anyway, what's a bit of laughter widdle between family?
I drove, because I have a big car and I feel a bit superior high above the minions, Julie has a Micra, you can image can't you?
It's name says it all, it gets many miles to the gallon and we would have all fit in OK, if we kept our arms tight next to our sides and didn't breathe in too deep. I think our bottoms may have been grating on the road though and I might have been afraid as I am so used to being up high. So we took my car and used 3 times as much petrol ( £30, ha I am so carefree and lackadaisical) Why am I telling you whose car we went in? It doesn't matter a jot. Still you know now so I shall carry on.
Also, before we left I had a panic attack and called about a house near us, a tiny little terraced house, 2 up 2 down that would be cosy and cheap and cramped but would have a roof and everything. I called after speaking to the man who gives not a damn at the council and having wept with frustration while actually ON the phone, enough, they broke me.
I left a message and as we were leaving Taunton, my cell phone rang and it was the owner ( no agents yippee up £300 before we start) anyway, we will go and see said little house on monday. It is comfortingly near this house, the next street but one even, awwwww...bless, we could still walk into town, school , Jordan is spitting distance away and Sophie, the girlie one, went today to see a bedsit just over the road, close but far enough away that we would never have to listen to that music again unless we visit her in her OWN HOME imagine. She needs a deposit of £400 which is huge for a young thing but she needs to find that so that she a) appreciates how much it all costs and b) she then takes care to look after her place and get that back again. It's tough being tough but it's what has to be done. She is going to be OK, she is....isn't she?
Anyway, as we were driving back , after I had wept ( actually was weeping as the phone call came through) I said to all and sundry who were trapped in my car, a captive audience, unable to escape unless they were willing to throw themselves out onto the motorway....
" Actually, " I said " I am just very tired of feeling like I am just waiting to be happy, I thought moving into this house would be the beginning and then damn if Dad didn't die, selfish git ( they love me enough to laugh when I say things like that, even though they all still miss him so much that it is impossible to hear a blackbird sing without making their eyes leak) then, well we just start to feel that ..deep breath....OK NOW we can start, now it's going to be great...look sunshine .....arseholes, house sold HOMELESS!"
at this point, as I had to draw breath, mum chipped in with
" Helen, it will be fine, when you are 86 you will look up and realise you are happy, you will say...."
I had a lung full of air by now, was ready to talk again so I broke in with
" I'm sitting here in a puddle of my own piss but I have never been happier!"
I said THAT to my mum ( who said 'bloody' once, I heard her, I'm not sure she had ever heard the word 'piss' in her whole life until right that very second)......I think I made her make her own little puddle right then, right there, in my car, which is fine because it smells of dog anyway, what's a bit of laughter widdle between family?
Labels: funny stuff, moving
posted by The other me | 7:49 pm
3 Comments:
Your posts are so fun to read...even the drab ones with sad stuff! You just have a great way of putting everything into words!
Good Luck with the house!
Oh I know youare at wits end by now. Been having a few panic moments myself this week, though not entirely sure why. The apartment sounds promising, at least I think so and I would love to give that council man a good swift kick in the arse meself. Do they think people enjoy asking for help and waiting at the mercy of some pompous doofus? Sophie WILL be fine, I just know it. If Stephanie can pull herself together and make it Sophie should have no problem. Did I tell you she called to wish me a happy mother's day (Steph not Sophie, lol)? I quite shocked. Was out though so she got a break and had to leave a message. I wish I could pick you up in my van and take you out for a lovely day and make you feel ok and better and loved and all that stuff. No pissing in the car though!
Oh Helen, you are so funny and reading your blog makes me laugh. I said "poot" in front of my Dad when I was about five years old, and then I said, "I meant Pop" really fast, hoping he would forget about the first word! He didn't...and you would have thought I had commited a crime.
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