Soon please.

SO, here we are. Jordan has moved into his new home. it is BEAUTIFUL! the building has to be 200 years old at least, I love walking 'round old places with wobbly walls and crooked floors, great thick walls...the whole place has such character. The windows are little and open right out onto the hustle of the town center, H loves the fact that a small butchers shop is right underneath, he says we could send Seth down to buy some chops for dinner!
The tiny little pathway to get in the door is lovely, we stood and watched people walking through town and I knew that I would be in heaven nosing at everyone without them knowing!!
I was so relieved to meet Mel's mum. I somehow had it in my head that she was a young and hip person, ready to move in with these 2 kids and wait to join her turkish toyboy. I was dreading being the old frump with frizzy hair and on the brink of hot flushes. Hooray then that she looks just like someones mum. Maybe older than me, maybe not. She seemed shy or embarrassed and I realised that this is a way for her to escape a husband who is an alcoholic, a new beginning and also, perhaps a way to keep an eye on her daughter who is after all 17.
I watched my boy become a man and saw his excitement at this new step. I wanted to step in and buy 'stuff' that they need, they don't have any furniture in the front room but then I remembered how exciting it is to start with nothing and do it all yourself, so I went to Asda and bought ketchup and toilet paper.
Sophie is doing so beautifully at her new job, sometimes I can see so clearly that for all her gobbing off , all her loud and in your face showing off, she is actually just afraid, she doesn't have much confidence of self esteem and so she covers it all up by yelling and trying to get in first with the negative things before someone else says it. When she sees that she IS good at something, when she is praised and complimented on a good job, she changes. She has been giving me half of what she earns so that I can save it for her, she is talking about when she moves out instead of yelling about being 'thrown out'. She will be fine. I know it.
Things are falling into place, I am still learning patience and exercising faith and doing one day at a time. I really do feel calm, that isn't pretend. CALM. Me. Fancy that.
I went to pick Sophie up today , she was at a friend's house and was so sick, so off I went and almost got lost ( but not quite, I am getting better!) and found myself on a council estate, there in front of me was AN EMPTY HOUSE! Imagine! It was big and had a big garden with HIGH WALLS and a gate that even Elijah couldn't climb over. Front and back garden and it was pretty OK. I had as much of a snoop as I could get away with and then I was so excited because this house is not where I want to live. If I could choose it would certainly not be this estate. BUT..... I knew that if we were given that house I would be happy, it would be fine, we would love it. So, now I know that it really will be just fine. Wherever we go we can be happy. I just hope they tell us SOON! I'm not too sure that this calm and accepting new me will last much longer.
I am very very grumpy about the little things.
Homelessness looming, whistle a tune.
Old man shouting at me because HE was on the wrong side of the road....YELLING RIGHT BACK AT HIM TO SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Car falling apart and costing way too much money . *sigh* ho hum.
Dropping happy meal on floor .. BLEEP. YELL. SCREECH. Slam door.
I am trying to be good...but am running out of whatever it takes. HELP.