Man, that diplodocus.......

Did I even spell the right? This is on of Seth's many faces.....he loves to read, there is something so glorious about hearing this little man muttering as he reads......" Man, a diplodocus has a neck that is 10 metres long!" Even from behind you can see just how he loves to read, he drinks the words in. He has his father's ability to retain the information too, unlike his mother who can read a book and re-read it a week later and it's like the first time! I am so cheap to entertain, 2 books and I'm happy for a year, can read and re-read and enjoy them everytime.
I'm a bit vague at the moment, maybe that's the wrong word, who knows what the word is, I am weepy....perhaps with relief, maybe not. I keep thinking how this time next month, we will be moved, in the new house and settled, for a while.
I can hardly wait for those boys to be able to run and play and be OUTSIDE for many hours every day. Ebay is having me visit and look at trampolines and paddling pools, slides and swing sets.....I long to sit and read in the garden, hang my washing out to dry in the fresh country air, relax in a spa bath at the end of the day and have lovely days of visitors and friends who sit outside with us. the farmhouse behind has a big trampoline in the garden, imagine if there are little kids living there that can come over and play. Wonderful summer days ahead, we just have to get through this next 3 weeks of packing and form filling and cleaning.
This house is beginning to look emptier, 3 rooms cleared and packed,
I am desperate to scrub and clean but what would be the point, as H pointed out that will certainly mean redoing it before we leave...why put myself through that twice? I like the minimalist style of the moment, less to dust, less to pick up ( in theory , in practise...thankyou Elijah, as fast as we pack, little hands seem to find great joy in unpacking, tape is no object, in fact I think the tape attracts him. He is a git. A cute one, but a git none the less.
He is going through a phase at the moment that is lasting considerably longer than I am comfortable with. He is a 'dirlie'. Not a real one, a wanna be 'dirlie', with long flowing hair, a skirt and high heels. *sigh*
If he can't get hold is Sophie's extensions ( and he can't because I have hidden them give me a break) he wears a muslin nappy. All day, every day. He tucks superman capes into his boxers because it feels like a silky skirt and that feel good. Indeed. He asks Isaac to draw pictures of men in high heels because that means it is a good thing. I am shuddering as I write that because I check my google analytics and am horrified at what comes my way via search engines, you wouldn't believe how many creeps are sent here by googling 'little boys' ..someone came by the other day having googled "How do I look at rude stuff without my mum finding out" Oh my good heavens.
Creeps and perverts, I shall sing hymns very loudly and tell your mother you were here. Go away.
I quite like the nappy wearing hair, he swooshes it and strokes it and asks me to look after it with care and love while he goes to nursery. I even am touched by his ability to sniff out Sophie's shocking pink glittery high heels even when they are hidden and locked away.......I just hope he grows out of it before it stops looking cute and starts looking creepy. Creepy is never a good look, is it?
Isaac is going through a phase right now too, I hate it as he is pushing me to limits my patience didn't know existed. He is really driving me crazy. He teases and answers back and has massive temper tantrums, slamming doors, kicking, screaming 'til his head looks about ready to explode. I am pretty sure that the move is the cause, he says things like ' can we live in THIS house 'til I am dead?' and ' THIS house is ours, right? We can live there a long time can't we?' ACK! I hope so. I really hope so.

Soon please.

SO, here we are. Jordan has moved into his new home. it is BEAUTIFUL! the building has to be 200 years old at least, I love walking 'round old places with wobbly walls and crooked floors, great thick walls...the whole place has such character. The windows are little and open right out onto the hustle of the town center, H loves the fact that a small butchers shop is right underneath, he says we could send Seth down to buy some chops for dinner!
The tiny little pathway to get in the door is lovely, we stood and watched people walking through town and I knew that I would be in heaven nosing at everyone without them knowing!!
I was so relieved to meet Mel's mum. I somehow had it in my head that she was a young and hip person, ready to move in with these 2 kids and wait to join her turkish toyboy. I was dreading being the old frump with frizzy hair and on the brink of hot flushes. Hooray then that she looks just like someones mum. Maybe older than me, maybe not. She seemed shy or embarrassed and I realised that this is a way for her to escape a husband who is an alcoholic, a new beginning and also, perhaps a way to keep an eye on her daughter who is after all 17.
I watched my boy become a man and saw his excitement at this new step. I wanted to step in and buy 'stuff' that they need, they don't have any furniture in the front room but then I remembered how exciting it is to start with nothing and do it all yourself, so I went to Asda and bought ketchup and toilet paper.
Sophie is doing so beautifully at her new job, sometimes I can see so clearly that for all her gobbing off , all her loud and in your face showing off, she is actually just afraid, she doesn't have much confidence of self esteem and so she covers it all up by yelling and trying to get in first with the negative things before someone else says it. When she sees that she IS good at something, when she is praised and complimented on a good job, she changes. She has been giving me half of what she earns so that I can save it for her, she is talking about when she moves out instead of yelling about being 'thrown out'. She will be fine. I know it.
Things are falling into place, I am still learning patience and exercising faith and doing one day at a time. I really do feel calm, that isn't pretend. CALM. Me. Fancy that.
I went to pick Sophie up today , she was at a friend's house and was so sick, so off I went and almost got lost ( but not quite, I am getting better!) and found myself on a council estate, there in front of me was AN EMPTY HOUSE! Imagine! It was big and had a big garden with HIGH WALLS and a gate that even Elijah couldn't climb over. Front and back garden and it was pretty OK. I had as much of a snoop as I could get away with and then I was so excited because this house is not where I want to live. If I could choose it would certainly not be this estate. BUT..... I knew that if we were given that house I would be happy, it would be fine, we would love it. So, now I know that it really will be just fine. Wherever we go we can be happy. I just hope they tell us SOON! I'm not too sure that this calm and accepting new me will last much longer.
I am very very grumpy about the little things.
Homelessness looming, whistle a tune.
Old man shouting at me because HE was on the wrong side of the road....YELLING RIGHT BACK AT HIM TO SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Car falling apart and costing way too much money . *sigh* ho hum.
Dropping happy meal on floor .. BLEEP. YELL. SCREECH. Slam door.
I am trying to be good...but am running out of whatever it takes. HELP.

It's MOTHERS DAY!

What a splendid day I can't remember ever having such day wonderful mothers day. It started very early, at 1am I was woken by the hallway light going on, our door doesn't close properly and so when the light is switched on it wakes me up, grumble, grump feeling sure that Sophie turned the light on I went out to get cross with her, but it wasn't her, no sign of anyone.
My poor legs hurt so much I thought I should go and get some paracetemol or something, in the kitchen as I was getting in a drink, in bounds Seth, wide awake and so happy..... " IT'S MOTHERS DAY!!" Bless his face.
I told him that it was the middle of the night and that he really should get some sleep " but I want to cook you breakfast with daddy" I told him that daddy would be sure to wake him and he could cook breakfast then. It took him 2 1/2 hours to get back to sleep, he was so worried he would miss the excitement.
I woke at 7am and hrumph, how awful, had to just stay in bed until I had been surprised ....8am, little boys and daddy came up with bacon, eggs, sausage, tomatoes, mushrooms and toast. Sweet hand made cards and beautiful flowers. What a way to start the day.
Church was lovely, singing children and little hand wrapped gifts and cards.
When I got home we ate lunch and I found on my bed, the most fabulous array of skin care creams, hand lotions, make up and a beautiful bag...this must be from Jordan who hadn't been home when we left and was already at work when we got home. I still haven't seen him but I'm sure it must have been his gift to me.
After dinner cooked by H ( fried chicken, corn, potato salad and beans) I took out a tub of Ben and Jerry's chocolate and fudge brownie ice cream, sitting in my chair with 3 little boys around me, mouths open like little baby sparrows waiting to be fed, better than worms they were rewarded with gobs of delicious ice cream and what joy in those moments of sharing with these little people. Shame that the ice cream sent them into a frenzy of couch jumping and squealing until threats of early bed calmed them down, 30 minutes of watching diving with whales did the trick, hoorah for whales!
I will try and post pictures tomorrow of cards and flowers, too comfy and relaxed to take any right now. My silky soft hands, with manicured nails are ready to fold in blissful relaxation while I watch some good telly, or even 'the Queen' DVD.
I feel some change in the air, spring is bringing it's lively thoughts and intentions and I am hoping that any day now my energy and enthusiasm will be bursting forth. This year has so much to offer and I want to be ready to enjoy it. Little things are beginning to break through this horrible misery that has been with me. At last I can see little sprigs of hope that the winter is over and it's time to look out and see the good stuff again. I do so poorly with the bleak weather, my mind gets steeped in the greyness and misery. Next winter, we get a 4 week break from the
good ole English wind and rain and will all benefit from the Californian sunshine and warmth. I should get one of those light boxes and sit in front of it every day, sunshine is my medicine.
Tomorrow is another day, what a shame to waste any of them. I have been reminded so often lately how short this life is.
An old friend died recently and the bugger of it was, she wasn't old at all. 48. Damn cancer of course. I hadn't seen her since we drove away from Utah with our tails between our legs and no idea where we would end up.
She was the reason I met H, she showed me the online singles thing that introduced me to him, made sure I went to meet him, encouraged and cajoled
There was a feeling of disappointment on both sides and also I think, ( I know) on my side, shame and embarrassment that meant we never spoke again. I have oft been sad about that and since I heard that she had died, that has deepened. Of course it is too late to do anything and anyway, actions done out of guilt or because someone is dying mean nothing, in my opinion, which is why, even when I knew she was dying I did nothing. We go through this life and allow pride and shame to dictate what we do and how we behave. Sad that.
What would I have done differently 4 years ago, if I had known that this lovely, stubborn, proud and kind lady would die so soon? Who knows, and it may be in another life when I meet her and we can laugh about how unimportant these things were that we fell out over. I know that already, to her, they don't matter anymore, if they even did at all. She was generous to a fault and had an amazing outlook on life, always seeing things in an eternal perspective and rarely as something here and now. She was very proud and fought any kind of help from any source. Her first battle with cancer was done without anyone but one or two close friends knowing about it, never stopping, not crying, not complaining, just getting on with it and only revealing what she had been though when it was done, beaten, won. Damn beast came back though and on the 3rd round it beat her. 48.
If stories like this and there are far too many of them around, if these aren't enough to make the rest of us get up, look around us and make a conscious decision to make every day count, then shame on us.
Sorry Jackie, bye bye, tomorrow I will make my day count. Say hello to my dad if you see him.

It's MOTHERS DAY!

What a splendid day I can't remember ever having such day wonderful mothers day. It started very early, at 1am I was woken by the hallway light going on, our door doesn't close properly and so when the light is switched on it wakes me up, grumble, grump feeling sure that Sophie turned the light on I went out to get cross with her, but it wasn't her, no sign of anyone.
My poor legs hurt so much I thought I should go and get some paracetemol or something, in the kitchen as I was getting in a drink, in bounds Seth, wide awake and so happy..... " IT'S MOTHERS DAY!!" Bless his face.
I told him that it was the middle of the night and that he really should get some sleep " but I want to cook you breakfast with daddy" I told him that daddy would be sure to wake him and he could cook breakfast then. It took him 2 1/2 hours to get back to sleep, he was so worried he would miss the excitement.
I woke at 7am and hrumph, how awful, had to just stay in bed until I had been surprised ....8am, little boys and daddy came up with bacon, eggs, sausage, tomatoes, mushrooms and toast. Sweet hand made cards and beautiful flowers. What a way to start the day.
Church was lovely, singing children and little hand wrapped gifts and cards.
When I got home we ate lunch and I found on my bed, the most fabulous array of skin care creams, hand lotions, make up and a beautiful bag...this must be from Jordan who hadn't been home when we left and was already at work when we got home. I still haven't seen him but I'm sure it must have been his gift to me.
After dinner cooked by H ( fried chicken, corn, potato salad and beans) I took out a tub of Ben and Jerry's chocolate and fudge brownie ice cream, sitting in my chair with 3 little boys around me, mouths open like little baby sparrows waiting to be fed, better than worms they were rewarded with gobs of delicious ice cream and what joy in those moments of sharing with these little people. Shame that the ice cream sent them into a frenzy of couch jumping and squealing until threats of early bed calmed them down, 30 minutes of watching diving with whales did the trick, hoorah for whales!
I will try and post pictures tomorrow of cards and flowers, too comfy and relaxed to take any right now. My silky soft hands, with manicured nails are ready to fold in blissful relaxation while I watch some good telly, or even 'the Queen' DVD.
I feel some change in the air, spring is bringing it's lively thoughts and intentions and I am hoping that any day now my energy and enthusiasm will be bursting forth. This year has so much to offer and I want to be ready to enjoy it. Little things are beginning to break through this horrible misery that has been with me. At last I can see little sprigs of hope that the winter is over and it's time to look out and see the good stuff again. I do so poorly with the bleak weather, my mind gets steeped in the greyness and misery. Next winter, we get a 4 week break from the
good ole English wind and rain and will all benefit from the Californian sunshine and warmth. I should get one of those light boxes and sit in front of it every day, sunshine is my medicine.
Tomorrow is another day, what a shame to waste any of them. I have been reminded so often lately how short this life is.
An old friend died recently and the bugger of it was, she wasn't old at all. 48. Damn cancer of course. I hadn't seen her since we drove away from Utah with our tails between our legs and no idea where we would end up.
She was the reason I met H, she showed me the online singles thing that introduced me to him, made sure I went to meet him, encouraged and cajoled
There was a feeling of disappointment on both sides and also I think, ( I know) on my side, shame and embarrassment that meant we never spoke again. I have oft been sad about that and since I heard that she had died, that has deepened. Of course it is too late to do anything and anyway, actions done out of guilt or because someone is dying mean nothing, in my opinion, which is why, even when I knew she was dying I did nothing. We go through this life and allow pride and shame to dictate what we do and how we behave. Sad that.
What would I have done differently 4 years ago, if I had known that this lovely, stubborn, proud and kind lady would die so soon? Who knows, and it may be in another life when I meet her and we can laugh about how unimportant these things were that we fell out over. I know that already, to her, they don't matter anymore, if they even did at all. She was generous to a fault and had an amazing outlook on life, always seeing things in an eternal perspective and rarely as something here and now. She was very proud and fought any kind of help from any source. Her first battle with cancer was done without anyone but one or two close friends knowing about it, never stopping, not crying, not complaining, just getting on with it and only revealing what she had been though when it was done, beaten, won. Damn beast came back though and on the 3rd round it beat her. 48.
If stories like this and there are far too many of them around, if these aren't enough to make the rest of us get up, look around us and make a conscious decision to make every day count, then shame on us.
Sorry Jackie, bye bye, tomorrow I will make my day count. Say hello to my dad if you see him.