I was so gobsmacked I wanted to smack him in his Gob.

I was married to this man, the first one, I was young and in my defence was incredibly naive, sheltered and completely unaware that people like him existed. Smooth on the outside, completely stupid on the inside.
My friend and employer asked me, after she met him for the first time what we would talk about. TALK ABOUT? He was 6'2 had the most divine arms, was John Travolta's double and he made me laugh, really laugh. What more could a 20 year old ask for, one that felt sure she would never love again after the real love of her life hadn't worked out. Talk indeed.
Funny how people on the outside can see so clearly what love is blinding those involved to isn't it?
So, we didn't talk much, we laughed a bit, he cheated a lot and then he left. 18 years ago. Amazing that it was so long ago. He thinks we are friends, incredible really that he calls when he feels like a chat and is still so clueless that he is oblivious to the tone of my voice and the disinterest that drips from me from every pore. I am nothing if polite though and often make the mistake of asking a question about his life, you know.."how is the girlfriend?" and he tells me. I can put my hand on my heart and say that Sophie gets from her dad, her ability to make a 25 second conversation last 15 minutes and yet not actually say anything. The latest relationship hit the dust because horror of horrors she had the nerve to be ill and said illness caused her to lose her libido, bye bye baby.
He mentioned that she had 2 teenage kids...RUN I SAY!! He then went on to tell me that actually the daughter, who is 12, had a dead beat dad, someone who really hadn't been in her life..so she hadn't experienced a father figure. Bless. What a blessing then that he was on hand, he was able to be a good paternal figure in her life and at the same time, experience the feelings that a man can have for a daughter because HE HAS NEVER BEEN ABLE TO HAVE THAT DEAR GOD ! I may be blaspheming when I say that or it could be an actual prayer for the understanding and patience not to get in the car find where he is and then beat his stupid face to a pulp.
I spend my life trying to minimise the damage this stupid man has done to his only daughter, have lied until I could puke, excusing his neglect when she was little, explaining as kindly as I can as she grew that his behaviour has always been HIS failing, not hers. It hasn't worked of course, 18 years of idiocy on his behalf, all the times he has ignored her ( while pouring attention on the boys) all the days he smashed her spirit, every time he spoke of how cute this little girl was and told her how bad she is.....well, words from me mean nothing do they?
99.9% of me is so disinterested by this man that unless he calls, I forget he exists, his children range from pitying him to despising him. ( oh my goodness, just hit spell check and it said NO MISSPELLINGS FOUND! that's a first)
That other 1% though, that sparks into murderous rage when he opens his fool mouth and lets such guff out that I am made grateful to be so far away from him ( actually, I don't even know where he lives but I do know it isn't around here thank you, Lord)
It is so glorious to be able to talk to him and then look over at H and sigh with blissful relief that he is the man I am married to now. That this man gets it, he knows how precious these little people are and how fragile their spirits are and he does such a great job being a dad. Phew.